What a peculiar path this promenade of pampered phonies has passed! But that’s enough alliteration, Agent Simple Simon has bidness to get down to! Time to hike up her slinky dress and tie the ends in a knot so she can slip off down to the service tunnels unimpeded by glorious highfalutin fashion, Agent SS is a mare on a mission. A mission… improbable!
Dun dun dun, dun-na na dun dun dun da da, dunanah, dunanah!
Going back outside to snoop around was right out, she was already in the wasp’s nest, venturing back out might make them even more aware of her, especially if no way is found and she has to sneak back inside. The service elevator would draw unfortunate attention from the actual service-phonies trying to use it, as the Boss didn’t think to include any sort of fancy work-uniforms to pass as staff. Oh the air vents, so tempting, so lovely with their siren song from many a heist-film, unfortunately air vents are not very roomy and quite loud, which left only one target for the clever agent’s eyes- the laundry chute!
All she had to do was slip in and she’d be on her way to solving this cape caper!
Posted: Sat May 23, 2015 2:06 pm
B: There might be a service tunnel leading under the hotel from outside. It’s an indirect route, but it might be safe.
NOPE. Sweetness did not like the sight of seeing someone being kidnapped. She was just a little babby, she was not ready for all of this. What was a stupid mission to get a cape now resulted in someone being kidnapped. Still, a sense of justice stirred within the tiny babby. If someone was being kidnapped, they needed rescuing. She was not at all the biggest babby, or smartest or strongest, but she was one of the most determined. She would help that mer that was kidnapped. Or not. You know, not helping sounded good, too. She could just go home an-
NO. Agent Sweetness needed to brave up! It was time to be strong! How was she going to get there, anyway? Not the elevator, that seemed way too obvious and not a smart idea. The laundry chute could be dangerous, and probably was. And the air vent? While she was tiny the idea of being in a small vent was not appealing. No way. What if she got stuck? So, maybe there was a service tunnel under the hotel? Seemed the safest, and less likely to be traveled in... Yeah. That sounded great.
Inventory:
Earpiece Blowgun pen with ink - no darts Notebook Small flashlight
NymiiNym
Shy Wife
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Maxx D Vice Captain
Garbage Cat
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Posted: Sat May 23, 2015 4:00 pm
Choice C.
Roger, Roger felt, as a pegasus, the laundry chute would work just fine. As he started getting in, he realised that his erstwhile counterpart was gone, and mourned the dress briefly as he tunneled down the chute.
Posted: Sat May 23, 2015 4:44 pm
C. Hop into a laundry chute and pray there’s a full bin of towels or something at the bottom. This route might be dangerous, but it will get you there in a hurry.
Agent Tipsy was trying his best not to get too flustered at this point. There was so much more going on than he had originally thought there to be... And with the way that he'd seen the kidnappers haul off that mer-phony... Yeesh. He knew he had to get out of here, and fast.
But oh man, he had to pick a route that wouldn't potentially alert any of the kidnappers to him! ... Ah... They wouldn't be down in the laundry area, right..? And people HAD to be dumping soft towels and the like down there right now because of spills, RIGHT????
As Agent Tipsy approached the chute, he said his last thanks to his family before leaping down, begging the stars for a soft landing.
shortcutt
Mega Lunatic
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Aric Val
Mega Cub
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Posted: Sat May 23, 2015 7:29 pm
C. Hop into a laundry chute and pray there’s a full bin of towels or something at the bottom. This route might be dangerous, but it will get you there in a hurry.
The exchange with the male with nice cheekbones was interesting, but at least the cub got to this point. She Now, the air vent would have been more spy-like to say the least and she was pretty small for it -- but darnit, that was unpredictable, and what if she saw some -- things that she didn't want to see in there? Now the chute was a close second choice, sure it could end badly with.. soiled things or nothing at all waiting at the end...
She was a spy, darnit. And she will do spy-like things!
And so with her cute and fluffy dress, she jumped into the chute, and hey it looked beary cool.
The service elevator was the way you saw the two goons go, so you decide to follow them down. You figure that they don’t know that you know what they know, and so you know that what they know is the way to go, y’know? You take the elevator down to the bottom level, and to your happy surprise, it’s completely unguarded! But where to go now? As you exit the elevator, the doors close behind you and the elevator is recalled- either it’s tied to the first floor, or somebody else is planning on coming down. Your best move here is to keep moving. The service tunnels are tricky to navigate, but you have the advantage of being able to hear hoofbeats and struggling ahead of you- the phonies you saw going down are trying to get someplace. The glow from their horns helps light your way. You stealthily follow behind them and see them drop their precious cargo off in a room, then head down a side corridor. There’s no time to see where they stuffed the mer- you have to follow them now, or else you’ll lose them.
You trail the goons to an open door. You can hear phonies arguing in there- did somebody say the word cape? You peek around the door, hoping to just get an idea of how many there are- but of course somebody spots you immediately.
Whoops.
If You Chose B...
You duck outside the Grand Ballroom; maybe you can find an entrance in one of the neighboring properties. You search the ground with your flashlight, hoping to find a manhole cover or service hatch, but all you find is a pair of hooves. You follow them up to a very angry-looking earth phony’s face. “Can I help you, friend?” he says menacingly. “Are you lost? Because there ain’t nothin’ around here needs seein’. Now scram, before I decide to get nasty!” He is joined by a sneering pegasus mare and more hoofbeats are heard from the alley. You get the idea that if you don’t get out of there now, something terrible will happen. You are out of the game!
If You Chose C
The laundry chute was a solid option. There’s a pile of laundry at the bottom; very comfy! It wasn’t too long of a ride, either; the drop wasn’t bad at all. You move to get out of the bin, but suddenly it starts moving! Ducking low, you keep your ears perked for any signs or indications of who’s pushing the cart. As you settle in, you take a better look at what you landed on. You thought at first that maybe it was tablecloths or something, but there’s something furry in there… and something jeweled…
THESE ARE CAPES. YOU LANDED IN A BIN OF CAPES.
You bite your lip to keep from squealing with joy- TACO’s cape might be in here! As quietly as you can, you search through the bin… but far too soon, your ride is over. The bin is dumped on the floor, and you find yourself surrounded by goons.
Uh-oh.
If You Chose D...
Well, now you know what a TV dinner feels like. The air conditioning shaft was tight and freezing, but it actually didn’t take you too long to make it into the service tunnels proper. There were a few grates you had to kick out of the way, so this might not have been the stealthiest way down- but so far, so good. Once you make it into the service tunnels, you can’t see too well. The tunnels are lined with corrugated metal and have very few indicators as to which way is which; painted white signs with four letter codes- things like GB KC and PA NK and OH HI- mark the walls, occasionally accompanied by arrows. Sounds echo down here, however. Drips of water, hisses of steam, the occasional squeak of rats- and now and again, footsteps and muffled talking, as if an argument was occurring.
You follow the noises, making your way into what sounds like the villain’s lair. At last you’ll get some answers… but it’s not going to be easy. You try to be as quiet as possible, but your hoofsteps echo, too. After a harrowing journey, you find an open door with light spilling out of it. You can hear phonies inside- perhaps they are the ones holding the cape?
It’s now or never. You burst in, hoping to get the jump on them.
Eliminations
Yunonia
Agent Sunshine's in for stormy weather!
Yushika
Things turned sour for Agent Sweetness!
Fea Line
Agent Tidal Trouble's been swamped!
Riffler
Scaramouche Fandango Crew
Big Wife
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
Big Wife
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Posted: Sat May 23, 2015 9:03 pm
Mission Five: You Only Live Once
Infiltrating the villain’s lair didn’t prove to be easy for you. Goons overwhelmed you and after a quick fight, you find yourself tied up and marched into an office. One of the goons, a tall pegasus mare with an octopus cutie mark, speaks. “Commander, sir, we’ve caught more of The Boss’s agents trying to sneak into the base.”
From the shadows comes a deep sigh. “More? You’d think they’d have learned by now… when I want something, I get it. There is a squeaking noise as somebody turns in a chair, and you find yourself face to face with… a fluffy white cat. The cat is being held in the arms of a strange phony whose face is deep in shadows. “I suppose you want to know why I did it,” the voice continues, “or you want to know what this is all about. But if you think for a moment I’m going to take the time to monologue- did you expect me to talk?” The voice chuckles, a sinister but cultured laugh. “No, but I do expect you to die. But tell you what- I’ll give you a choice. It’s the only fair way. How would you like to go?” You would expect the villain to lean forward and leer at you, but nothing of the sort happens. “Shark tank, giant laser, Professor Rube’s Device of Doom, or would you rather fight a wild beast? Make your choices quickly, or I’ll have to make them for you. And I can assure you, that won’t be fun.” Another of the goons, a big unicorn with a bowler hat, nods but doesn’t speak.
This… was not how you expected this night to end. This wasn’t how you expected it to end at all. Still, you have to choose something- whatever the mysterious voice chooses will probably be worse than if you picked it yourself. Surely this won’t be the end. Surely you can get out of this. Surely you’ll be ok…. Surely.
What's your choice of doom? A. Shark tank B. Laser C. Overly complicated device of doom D. Gladiatorial combat against wild beasts
Surviving Agents
Aric Val
Agent BEAR FORCE ONE has to bear down!
elvyralani
Agent Dark Horse is the favorite!
shortcutt
Agent Tipsy's at the tipping point!
EchoLimaFoxtrot
Agent Lemon Pledge might have to clean house!
Luafien
Will it be easy as pie for Agent Simple Simon!
zippedsiren
Agent Jimmies is in a jam!
Maxx D
Agent Roger, Roger won't say 10-4!
Posted: Sat May 23, 2015 9:25 pm
C. Overly complicated device of doom
Well... If Agent Tipsy was going to wink out of existence... He might as well go out with a bang. He thought he was home free! Curses to all of his luck, but... Maybe... Just maybe, this Device of Doom was just so complicated that no one in the room knew how to work it?
He had to take his chances.
The little agent puffed out his chest and stood tall, uttering his final choice:
"I'll be taking the Complicated Device with a side of Doom, if you would, pal."
shortcutt
Mega Lunatic
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elvyralani
Fashionable Rabbit
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2015 6:08 am
B. Laser
The elevator had been a great choice. She got there quick and even caught up to the baddies. Unfortunately she had peaked around a corner too quickly and was caught.
Marvel actually found it hilarious the villain didn't want to monologue. That was always a flaw of most villains, monologiuing. She thought her options over quickly. It was between sharks and lasers."Laser, thanks." Did lasers like in the movies even really exist?
Posted: Sun May 24, 2015 8:33 am
Choice A.
Roger, Roger was almost sure that people needed to be fired at the conclusion of the journey, but in the moment he simply crossed(?!) his hooves and decided, "Shark tank." He wanted to know how beady-eyed and cute these Phonyland sharks were gonna be...
Maxx D Vice Captain
Garbage Cat
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EchoLimaFoxtrot
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2015 11:04 am
C. Overly complicated device of doom
He should have stayed in the air ducts, Agent Lemon Pledge hrumphed to himself. He really didn't want to die today, so instead he felt to pick the choice that was most likely to fail. Animals were out, there wasn't much to their chance of not suceeding. He pondered quickly between the laser and the mystery device. The babby phony decided he wpuld go with the most dramatic if it were to work properly. "I take the device of doom."
He held his breath and waited for the end with his chin held high.
Posted: Sun May 24, 2015 4:47 pm
D. Gladiatorial combat against wild beasts
Darn. She was caught, not even a cute look at the goons changed their mind. And once presented with the choices, well, the little bear cub had no question, if it was her end, she'd end it in a grisly battle till the end with ones like her.
"OF COURSE I PICK THE BEASTS. LETS RUMBLE!" She yelled on top of her lungs.
Aric Val
Mega Cub
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Luafien
Super Wife
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2015 5:57 pm
Choice B: The GIANT LASERRR!!!!
How nefarious! But Agent Simple Simon wasn’t the type to sweat under pressure! Except for maybe severe water pressure. That’s pretty sweat-worthy. Do phonies even sweat in water?
Oh goodness looks like she’s going to pick her doom.
Well sharks are straight out, and not even because of the sharks because most were very non-hostile towards humans, but that if she was tied up and dropped in she’d surely drown. A device of doom felt very… doomish. And doom was never a good thing! The possibility of hurting animals, no matter how wild or beastly, was unthinkable. Which only left the mare lifting her head proudly and declaring, “Laser, thank you sir.”
Posted: Sun May 24, 2015 8:21 pm
B: Laser
Jimmies had to think about it for a second. But the answer came down to a laser. She'd seen laser pointers and those were harmless really... How bad could a laser be? She could just run around and chase it.
zippedsiren
Dapper Spirit
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
Big Wife
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2015 10:00 pm
Mission Five Results: Death Takes A Holiday
If You Chose A...
The shark tank is actually quite lovely. The tank itself is just a metal cylinder, but the inside of the tank is beautifully aquascaped- somebody loves the sharks that are in here. At first you don’t see them, but as you splash in the water, swift shadows flick across the water. Five sharks, some species of hammerhead, swimming in perfect synchronization with each other. They dart through the water- sleek predators waiting to pounce. All of this would be very scary if the scale was a little bit different. The tank is no more than four and a half feet deep; the biggest shark is maybe two feet long.
“GREENPEACE!” shouts the goon who dumped you in. “What is the meaning of this?”
A sultry unicorn pokes her head out of a mess of aquarium tubing. “What do you mean? My shark husbandry is perfect! That tank is ideal for a small school of Sphyrna tiburo.”
“The Commander said hammerheads or great whites only, and he REALLY wanted great whites!”
“Like HELL am I putting a great white down here! They don’t survive in captivity!” The scientist tosses her head, her dark mane firmly in place in a tight bun. Her square glasses flash in the light and she stamps a hoof. “Besides, I gave him hammerheads. There’s more than one species of hammerhead shark, you know! It describes an entire genus! Anything with a cephalofoil is a hammerhead!”
“You knew what he meant!” says the goon, exasperated. You get the feeling that he’s had problems with this before.
“He wasn’t specific! Failure to be scientifically accurate only leads to disappointment.” Greenpeace sniffs and ducks back into the aquarium tubing.
The big unicorn sighs and shakes his head. “Just our luck our scientists are mad.”
“ANGRY!” the mare shouts, popping back out. “I am an ANGRY scientist! Sharks are a threatened group all across the world, and the big ones are often critically endangered. I am not going to contribute to unsustainable fishing and animal cruelty by keeping a large shark in poor captive conditions!”
“But these sharks were supposed to eat whoever our boss tossed in there!”
The mare crawls out from the tubing and trots up to the observation ledge. She takes a deep breath, calms herself, and looks the goon dead in the eye. As you paddle around the warm, tropical pool- it really is quite nice- you notice his legs are shaking. With a mad gleam in her eye, the angry scientist gets super close to his face and hisses at him. “Land. Dwelling. Creatures. Are. Not. Part. Of. A. Healthy. Shark. Diet.” Without another word, she punches him square in the jaw, knocking him to the ground, then turns her glare to you. “Hey! You! In the fancy clothes! Swim over here and get the hell out of my shark tank before you stress them out.” She reaches a manicured hoof down to you. The sharks swim over, eager for attention. She reaches in and pets their little heads. “Shh, shh, babies. It’s ok. I’ll get this big lunk out of your home and then you can continue schooling. Do my precious babies want some shrimp? Yes yes you do! Yes you do!” She extends a hoof to you as she continues to babytalk the sharks. “What are you staring for? Get out of my tank, horsefeathers!”
You quickly realize that she’s more dangerous than the sharks. Up you go.
If You Chose B...
You choose the laser as your method of dispatch and are marched down a hallway into a big room filled with scientific equipment. You are tied to a table and a pair of goons with dark glasses take their places between a pair of souped up laser devices. You clench your eyes and prepare for the end… but nothing seems to happen. You open your eyes to seet wo dots of red circle each other on your body. One of the goons, a pegasus, makes “pew pew” noises.
“It’s not working!” says the other goon, a unicorn, pushing her glasses up.
“What did you expect?” says the pegasus who was making “pew pew” noises.
“These were the most expensive lasers we could find!”
“Correction,” says Pew Pew, still having fun drawing on your body. “These were the most expensive laser pointers we could find. You know. At the office supply store. Where we bought them.”
“You told me it was an EVIL office supply store!” the unicorn wails, her glasses tossed to the floor.
“And you believed me, so whose fault is this?” Pew Pew continues to make circles on your side. "Come on, it said "laser pointer" right on the side, right under the warning "Warning: Will not make you a real eye doctor." I can't help it if you can't read a simple warning label."
“Why you…” the unicorn slaps the pegasus, who throws up a wing to block. As the two of them fight it out, you manage to free yourself. They don’t seem to care… or even notice. For an evil organization, this place is not well-organized. You slip away while they bicker.
If You Chose C
The shadowy figure claps his hooves as two earth phony mooks drag you away. “I’ve wanted to test the device of doom for some time now… this should be good.” The earth phonies drag you down a long, long hallway and put you in a room that’s seemingly empty. There’s a long mirror on one side that you just know is one-way glass; you have a feeling you are being watched. After a few minutes, a mechanical whirr starts up and a metal platform rises from the floor. On the platform sits a small metal box with a glass front. The box has the outline of an apple on the back… an apple with a bite taken out of it. It has one button. An arm extends into the room, a metal arm of the sort used for remote mining operations. It presses the button. Quietly, a 90s alt-rock band plays from the tinny speakers. The numeral 7 glows softly on the screen. As far as you can tell, it does nothing else other than give off an aura of dread. “W…what is this?” you ask the air. The device speaks. “Hi! I’m the iPhone 7! I’m your metal pal who’s fun to be with! I am a demo unit! I come packed with a discography you can’t remove and more apps than you can shake a stick at, haha! If you are interested in a preorder, contact the nearest genius bar. A lot of people have preordered me; let me read you the list!” Bongo drums come from the speakers as a list of names is read to the beat of something trendy, catchy, and generic enough to sell well. It’s too much for you. You sit in the corner and hug your knees. This is a device of doom, all right… it’s just that the doom is existential. You are out of the game.
If You Chose D...
A gruff pegasus marches you down to face your doom in the arena. The “arena” is nothing more than a corrugated metal antechamber, probably a staging area for the service tunnels. There’s no obvious advantage- nowhere for you to hide, no weapons for you to use. There’s a sliding door at the far end of the room; this must be the chute for the animals to come through. You wonder what’s going to tear you apart. Lions? Tigers? Bears? Something more creative, like wolves? Maybe it’s hyenas. Those can pack a nasty bite. Or dholes or enraged hogs or a Cape buffalo. Anything could come through that door…
But the trio of housecats that pads out as the door opens with a groan of metal on metal was decidedly not what you were expecting.
“What,” the pegasus says flatly. “What are these?”
A gorgeous unicorn in a lab coat raises an eyebrow and shrugs. “The single greatest threat to biodiversity on a global scale, save for humans- who are, after all, the ones responsible for introducing them and creating them. I simply modified them”
“They’re housecats.”
"They're not just housecats! I modified them! They're a breeding ground for all kinds of gram-negative bacteria, the likes of which is fatal for songbirds! I also gave them longer claws and fluffier fur!"
"HOW IS THAT EFFECTIVE. HOW." The pegasus is clearly at his wit's end, which only makes the unicorn angrier.
“Look, you big galoot, I was told to create dangerous beasts for the arena. I was never told what kind or how dangerous or who they were dangerous to. Housecats are a massive problem in every environment, save for the polar regions- and humans are doing enough of a job on those.” She sniffs, self-righteous. “It’s not my fault you and your boss are too short-minded to see that.” The mare begins to walk away, flipping her tail at the pegasus.
“You’re mad!” he shouts at her.
“NO,” she snaps, whirling around. “I’m ANGRY! The planet’s biodiversity is dwindling by the hour and your boss wants me to drag some poor endangered species down here? And then manipulate it to make it LESS fit in the wild? I think not! I’m not going to put one of the planet’s precious resources at risk just because he thinks it’d be a convenient way to dispose of his enemies! He gets slightly more dangerous housecats, and I'm already furious about that!”
“Dammit, Greensleeves, this is the final straw…”
“Like hell it is!” The pegasus advances on the angry scientist, but she refuses to back down. The two of them continue to argue and shout, getting closer and closer to each others’ faces.
What happened next was inevitable, if ill-timed by your account. Greensleeves takes off her glasses and snarls, the pegasus goon shoves her, she shoves back, her lab coat slips from her shoulders, and suddenly the two are locking lips like it’s outright war. He slips her lab coat off further as she knocks the both of them to the floor- how is it that quadrupeds can bend this way? One of the cats meows and paws at your leg, and you decide that now’s a good time to get out of there.
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