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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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 Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:10 am
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You have entered the tavern.
You received the courier's missive, and felt drawn to the meeting, or else you've been summoned by forces unbeknownst to you. Or maybe you just wandered in, drawn to the electric feeling of challenge in the air. A pegasus mare, black of coat with golden and brown hair, glares at you over the tops of her glasses. Sitting next to her and leaning over to rub her shoulders is an earth stallion, his face bedecked with war paint. In front of the fearsome couple is a hand-drawn map, several polyhedral rune stones, and pewter likenesses of heroes of yore. You know what this is. You know what you've been called by destiny to do.
Welcome... to Dungeons and Flagons.
Hello and welcome, prospective phony owners! We're very excited that you are interested in potentially caring for the son of our beloved PARTY and Total Party Kill, a couple fueled by bad decisions and worse puns. This is a CYOA- a choose your own adventure- wherein you must select a response from the choices given and write a brief post each day letting us know your choice. We'd appreciate at least a line of RP in your post, as it's more fun to read about your (bad) decisions than just the letter of the choice.
Remember, you are playing as either yourself or a phony playing the game as a character. So let's say you are user xXPoniGrrlXx and you own the phony Applesack. You will not be playing Applesack in the game; you will be playing her RPG character (who might also be named Applesack if Applesack is not a creative phony). However, if xXPoniGrrlXx didn't want to play Applesack, she could play as herself playing the RPG. Honestly, the RP part isn't as important as the choices themselves.
The goal of this game is to have the fewest drunk points at the end of the game. Each choice is worth a certain number of points, which will be revealed at the start of the next day. It'd behoove you to keep a running tally of your drunk points somewhere we can see it. The CYOA will give you the results of the previous day's choices at the top of the round. You will have 24 hours to make your choices. You have until the 6th of December to sign up- we are going to start the game on the 7th of December. So, technically you could still sign up on the 7th... just... get in there before we post the points for the first decision you make. There are ten rounds total- the last round will be posted on the 16th of December if I did my math right, meaning that we will announce the winner on the 17th. That's not a significant date at all. Nope.
We do have a few simple rules, so please pay attention to them!
1. Thou shalt not edit your posts after we have given point totals. Feel free to edit them beforehand. You can change your mind up until we've posted points. You can also of course edit RP into your posts- as you're RPing, RP up to the moment of decision. We'll tell you the outcome the next day. And your signup post doesn't count- you can change the babby name/personality as much as you like.
2. If you don't post every day, you WILL be eliminated. If you're having trouble with the RP part, don't sweat it, but you must at the very least give us the letter of your choice. It's only ten days. I believe in you. You can do it.
3. This is less a rule and more a guideline, but please don't post in document format, as that's what the DM posts are in this thread.
4. Be ready for anything. No, seriously, anything.
To sign up for the adventure, you must post this form. Delete everything in parentheses and fill it in with your own information!
[b]Name:[/b] (that's you)
[b]Babby's Name:[/b] (The siblings are Meat Death of the Üniverse and Maximum Ogredrive- honestly the worse pun you come up with, the happier we'll be- keep in mind that this IS what the kid will be certed with.)
[b]Brief Babby Personality:[/b]
[b]Code of Honor:[/b] I, (username), pledge that I will not delete my posts, nor will I make edits after the deadline has passed.
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:16 am
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:17 am
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Day One
Forsooth! A recapitulation!
The night is cold and rain pelts the ground, but the guests of the Red Dragon Inn pay the weather no heed, for tonight is a night of merriment. A hornpipe plays somewhere deep within its chaotic rooms; elves, half-orcs, and humans banter, barter, joke, and fight at its tables. It's a circus- but one table is not laughing. One table is full of adventurers listening with rapt ear to a sobbing elf. His name is Flagón Green-leaf, and he needs your help to save his village. Or something- he's slurring pretty badly. Being the kindhearted adventurer you are, you decide to help him. But first, what kind of adventurer are you?
What is your class?
A. Rogue
B. Wizard
C. Barbarian
D. Bard
In addition to choosing your class, you must describe them a bit. Are you a boy or a girl or something else? What species are you? What are you wearing? Stuff like that. Failure to describe will invoke +3 drunk points and you do not want that this early in the game! |
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:19 am
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Day Two
Gods be praised, we have a recap!
If you chose A... 2 points- rogues are dashing. Sometimes beer helps that a bit.
If you chose B... 1 point- wizards are calculating individuals and you're taking it slow.
If you chose C... 2 points- barbarians can hold their liquor! A lot of liquor!
If you chose D... 4 points- nobody willingly chooses bard. You must have been drunk when you made this decision.
If you did not respond... While many of the adventurers agreed to help the elf, some of them ended up passed out on the floor, sprawled across the table, or curled around their chairs. Sadly, they are out of the game and will not be going on an adventure.
Morning comes and, nursing your throbbing head, you remember the elf and her...?...his?...it's hard to tell with elves sometimes... troubles. Right. You said you were going to help save a village. But you can't do that from the confines of an inn, fool!
How do you get there?
A. Ride a horse
B. On foot
C. Horses are for plebs. Your mount is a... [fill in the blank here] [no your mount can't be a dragon][unless it's like, a really little dragon] |
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:20 am
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Day Three
Bravely bold Sir Recap rode forth from Camelot.
If you chose A... 2 points- because you were on horseback, you were able to leave a little later and stayed at the pub until noon drinking beer for breakfast.
If you chose B... 0 points- you spent the day walking, which is healthy! Good for you!
If you chose C... 1 points- you left on time, but when you stopped at an inn down the road for lunch, somebody saw your fancy mount and stole it. Now everybody is laughing at you, so you drink a little to forget your sorrows. If the opportunity comes for you to choose between riding and walking again, you must choose walking.
You arrive at the elf village just before sunset. It's located deep in the forest, just where Flagón said it would be.
"Halt!" comes a cry. You turn around to see a line of archers all aiming at you, led by an elf woman in leather pants. "I am Châlice, the leader of this village. What are you doing here, interlopers?"
"We're here to save your village!" you shout heroically.
The elf looks confused, her brows knit as she quietly repeats what you said. "Save.. my..." she whispers, then puts her bow down. "Gods damn it," she snarls as something seems to dawn her. "Did Flagón put you up to this?"
How do you respond?
A. No point in lying to her. "Yes, he did. Is there a problem?"
B. Play dumb. "No, no he didn't."
C. Look around, notice the fine elfin jewelry, and decide that you are what this village needs saving from. "Did I say save? I meant raze!" |
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:21 am
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Day Four
Bring out your recap! Bring out your recap!
If you chose A... 1 point- The elf woman facepalms so hard, Flagón's ancestors feel it. "Ugh. He's been nothing but trouble since he got blacklisted from the Oaken Bucket. I'm sorry he bothered you- but maybe we can make your trip out here worthwhile. Follow me; I've got a proposition for you." You quietly take a drink from your hip flask to comfort yourself- you hate being lied to.
If you chose B... 1 point- She stares at you disapprovingly. "Bullshit. There's no way you'd ride up to a random village and claim you're here to save them. Obviously Flagón put you up to this. a*****e. Still, you might be useful to me, so come on. We're going to have a chat." You're not sure whether she's calling you an a*****e or whether she's calling Flagón an a*****e, but either way her scathing tone hurts. You quietly take a drink from your hip flask to comfort yourself- you hate being called out on your lies.
If you chose C... The elf, unfortunately, takes you seriously. What were you thinking? We just TOLD you a line of archers was aiming at you! You are dead and therefore out of the game.
You follow the elf woman to the Oaken Bucket. It looks suspiciously like the Red Dragon Inn, only everything is green and all of the furniture looks like it's made out of sticks tied together with vines. She waves down a bartender and you are faced with a pint of frothy green beer. Ew. Green beer. The woman takes a gulp of hers and begins. "Now that we're settled in, let me introduce myself. My name is Châlice Green-leaf and as I said, I am the leader of this village. You've already met my no-account brother who's been nothing but trouble since he got his first fake ID. My parents told me to look after Flagón, but I confess, he's made it very difficult and I have enough responsibility looking after this village. But I think that perhaps with some outside help, I can cook up a way to keep him out of my hair on a more... permanent basis or something. Do you think you can help me?" She bats her eyes at you, and you feel a funny stirring in your loins. This elf chick is hot. Or maybe it's the green beer goggles. Either way, you are very inclined to help her.
You suggest...
A. Finding him another village to live in- one that's very, very far away.
B. Tricking him into joining up with a band of wandering adventurers
C. Cutting him off financially until he shapes up.
D. Killing him. |
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:22 am
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Day Five
She has HUGE recaps of land!
If you chose A... 2 points- Châlice takes a drink and purses her lips. "That might work- but he might just repeat his behavior and be a nuisance there. I think we need to keep him away from towns... towns have bars, you see."
If you chose B... 1 point- Châlice nods enthusiastically. "That'd be good for him! He'd learn some life skills in the process, I think, and a band of adventurers might set him straight!" You aren't drunk enough to tell her the truth about what goes down in these parties, and you're certainly not drunk enough to tell her that her brother might end up dead or abandoned by his party if he continues to be so damn sloppy.
If you chose C... 3 points- Châlice's face goes dark and she downs her beer. She slams the glass on the table, orders another, and shakes her head. "No. We tried that," she whispers, giving you a thousand yard stare in the process. "It ended in tears." Ouch. Whatever her brother does when he's cut off from the family bankroll can't be good. You finish your beer in sympathy.
Nobody chose D, but I thought the text for this was funny so I'm sharing it regardless. 5 points- "WHAT." Uh-oh. Châlice doesn't like that suggestion. She doesn't like that suggestion at all. You pretend to be drunker than you actually are and slam a few more drinks. Contragulations! You are now as drunk as you were pretending to be.
If you did not respond, either yesterday or the day before... A growing sense of dread overwhelms you as you realize that if you stay here, you will get roped into this village's probably awful drama. Ain't nobody got time for that! You run away screaming. The elven children tell stories about the crazy person in the woods for ages. You are out of the game, but you do live a long and happy life free of elf drama.
As you drink with Châlice, the two of you hatch a plan to deal with her brother. Eventually it is decided that you are going to go back to the Red Dragon Inn and convince her brother to join up with a gang of adventurers so that he stops bothering his village. She hands you a sack of gold coins to do the job and after a night in the rooms of the Oaken Bucket, you head out. Since you know your way back to the Red Dragon Inn, you decide to take a shortcut, either on foot or on the horse you came in on. Everything is going well; the sun is warm, the birds are chirping, and the highwayman's buttons are shining...
Wait. Highwayman? s**t. You're being robbed.
A tall man with a Van Dyke beard hops out of the bushes dressed in green with a peaked, feathered cap. You notice how nicely he's dressed- he's a really dandy highwayman. "Ho!" he calls as his band of merry bushwackers emerges from their hiding place. "I am Stein, the highwayman!" Clearly he has practiced this speech. "Your money or your life!" He points a rapier at you- clearly he means business. His goons, however, are seemingly unarmed, and each one is dressed fancier than the last. You get the idea that this will be a one on one fight; perhaps one you could win.
What'll it be?
A. Hand over the goods. (Roll a d4)
B. Hell no, I worked for these coins! I can take him!
...huge recaps of land? Really? That's the best you could do? |
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:23 am
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Day Six
You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a recap when death is on the line!"
The DM is shouting at the bartender, so PARTY takes her role behind the screen for now. "Um," he says, looking at the encounter notes. "This is kinda complicated, so make sure you listen to the instructions carefully..."
If you chose A... 4 points+dice result- consult table in the Dungeon Masters' Supplement- You decide to play it safe and hand over the gold. Stein doesn't seem to believe that this is all you have and through a lot of pointed looks and raised eyebrows, you are persuaded to strip. Stein and his men laugh at you, but they are kind enough to provide you with an appropriately sized leaf or leaves. If you were on a horse, it has been stolen. Also, you are naked. Before you can do anything else, you must find new clothes... so let's do that now! If you rolled a 1... You find a beggar who takes pity on you and gives you his shirt. It reeks of booze so much that you get +1 drunk point. If you rolled 2-3... You find a wandering priest who gives you his cassock- but you have to drink some ceremonial wine with him and take an additional +2 drunk points. If you rolled a 4... You steal some clothes from a clothesline. You're a criminal now, but hey, at least you don't have to take additional drunk points.
If you chose B... "Aha!" he cries. "A fight it is!" His gang circles around you and... begin to make strange noises. Stein shrugs off his jacket and begins to... recite poetry? "S to the T to the EIN, My name is Stein and Imma do yo a** in. Straight outta Camelot, protect ya neck I'm the baddest thug yo what the heck. Don't even bother tryin' call the cops, We're the baddest rappers gonna take what you got. If you havin' robber problems I feel bad for you son, I got ninety-nine problems but a snitch ain't one! If you want to stay in the game, write an eight-line rap battle verse defending yourself unless you chose bard back at the beginning. You must write this verse before the top of the next round. If you chose Bard back in round 1... Stein?" you say, shaking your head. "The same Stein who embarrassed himself so badly at the Prancing Pony a couple years ago?" You start laughing. "All of us bards have heard of you! Guys, that's the guy I was telling you about!" Stein's face goes pale and he flees... just like he did at the open mic night at the Prancing Pony after his ten-minute ode to his guild school dance instructor fell flat and his attempt at something called "Wonderwall" went over like ninety-nine lead balloons. Your party is so excited about not having to pay up, they perform a toast in your honor. +1 point. If you write the defense... You're nervous, but on the surface you look calm and ready. Stein nods at you to the rhythm of the beat and attempts to come up with a rebuttal, but starts to stammer and choke. He keeps on forgetting what he wrote down. The whole crowd goes so loud and he opens his mouth, but the words won't come out. Mom's spaghetti rumbles in his stomach and instead of delivering a blistering rap, he throws up in the bushes. Awkward. He and his crew nervously shuffle away. You are very, very confused. Maybe a swig from the flask will help. +2 points.
If you did not respond... Yeah, no. This is too much for you- first a quest and now highway robbery? Literal highway robbery? You don't have time to deal with this ratt, this scorpion, this whitesnake in the grass. It's just too much to enduran duran. You run. You run so far away. You eventually hit the coast and a flock of seagulls adopts you out of pity. You are out of the game but you are also now part of a seagull clan who loves you very much so you've got that going for you.
Regardless of how your encounter with the highwayman went, you make it back to the Red Dragon Inn. Flagón is there, holding court in a back room. He smiles nervously.
"Oh, you're back! Listen, I was really drunk the other night and am not actually sure what I said."
"You sent us back to your village to save it."
"Oh!"
"We met your sister."
"Oh. Um. Well, what did she have to say?"
"She says..."
A. "You're a failure at life and should go get a job on a rock farm."
B. "You're responsible enough now to go out on an adventure of your own seeking fame and fortune."
C. "You should buy us drinks. Lots of them." (roll a d4)
Hey, look, if YOU can think of any memorable quotes from Ladyhawke or Legend or any other medieval times movies, be my guest. |
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:27 am
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Day Seven
I believe in recaps, Marquet. It's part of my job.
If you chose A... 5 points- Flagón breaks into tears and starts ordering rounds. He's inconsolable and it's all your fault. Not knowing what else to do, you drink with the sopping elf and listen to all of his bad ideas. "Maybe I should just run away from home and sell my body." "No, Flagón, don't do that! You wouldn't last five minutes on the streets!" "Maybe I should rob a bank!" "No, Flagón, don't do that! You wouldn't last five minutes in prison!" "Maybe I should go back to college and get my teaching certificate." "No Flagón, don't do that! You wouldn't last five minutes in the public school system!" "Maybe I should go into the theatre, be an actor like I always wanted." "No, Flagón, don't do that! You wouldn't last five minutes on the streets!" "Maybe I should do what you do, huh? Go on adventures, never spend two nights in the same place, sell my entire life for filthy lucre..." "Yes, Flagón, do that!"
If you chose B... 6 points- Flagón looks skeptical at first, but after a couple of rounds where you butter him up reeeeal good, he starts to go along with the plan. He likes the idea of being a mighty hero, joining a band of adventurers and going on quests. He likes this idea a lot and toasts to you and your brilliance. He toasts to your brilliance a lot. Oof. Your liver.
If you chose C... 2x your die roll points- Flagón likes this suggestion and starts calling rounds for you and your table. As you drink, the mood is light and jolly, and you have fun imagining different futures for Flagón, including a horse dealer, a fake horse dealer, a graduate student, an apple farmer, a fashion designer, a party planner, a professional athlete, a small animal caretaker, and an actual dragon. Eventually, you get to the future where he's a member of an adventuring party, which after this many rounds, he really likes!
If you did not respond... You started to head back to the Red Dragon Inn, but Stein's brilliant rapping had pushed you over the edge. You turn around and run back. Before you know it, you have joined his crew. You are out of the game, but at least you're part of the hip hop scene now.
A very inebriated Flagón stands on the table, sloshing a pint of ale around. He stumbles a bit and you're worried he's going to fall, but he manages to stand up straight. "I, Flagón Green-leaf, son of Fläsk Green-leaf, am quoing on a guest! I mean, um. Guesting on a go. Going on a west. There, close enough." You manage to pull him back down to his seat, as half the tavern is staring at you. "But who will I go with?" he asks, eyes big and wet. After all the trouble he's caused, you really don't want to take him with you, so you pat him on the head and assure him you'll find him the best adventuring group of them all.
You scout out the bar and look for a party who would be willing to take the little lush. Four tables of things that could ostensibly be called people look like they might be good choices.
Who do you approach?
A. A party made of a human rogue, an old human wizard and his young apprentice, and what looks like an awakened owlbear with a bandolier and a crossbow.
B. A rowdy minotaur and his twin half-orc drinking buddies.
C. A bunch of halflings and their exasperated ancient wizard companion.
D. A young child who's got no sense at all, a friendly frog that knows more than you'd think, a very tall gnome, and a bluebird. |
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:32 am
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Day Eight
What are you? Frankly, we're the reason recaps shouldn't marry.
If you chose A... 5 points- Flagón breaks into tears and starts ordering rounds. He's inconsolable and it's all your fault. Not knowing what else to do, you drink with the sopping elf and listen to all of his bad ideas. "Maybe I should just run away from home and sell my body." "No, Flagón, don't do that! You wouldn't last five minutes on the streets!" "Maybe I should rob a bank!" "No, Flagón, don't do that! You wouldn't last five minutes in prison!" "Maybe I should go back to college and get my teaching certificate." "No Flagón, don't do that! You wouldn't last five minutes in the public school system!" "Maybe I should go into the theatre, be an actor like I always wanted." "No, Flagón, don't do that! You wouldn't last five minutes on the streets!" "Maybe I should do what you do, huh? Go on adventures, never spend two nights in the same place, sell my entire life for filthy lucre..." "Yes, Flagón, do that!"
If you chose B... 6 points- Flagón looks skeptical at first, but after a couple of rounds where you butter him up reeeeal good, he starts to go along with the plan. He likes the idea of being a mighty hero, joining a band of adventurers and going on quests. He likes this idea a lot and toasts to you and your brilliance. He toasts to your brilliance a lot. Oof. Your liver.
If you chose C... 2x your die roll points- Flagón likes this suggestion and starts calling rounds for you and your table. As you drink, the mood is light and jolly, and you have fun imagining different futures for Flagón, including a horse dealer, a fake horse dealer, a graduate student, an apple farmer, a fashion designer, a party planner, a professional athlete, a small animal caretaker, and an actual dragon. Eventually, you get to the future where he's a member of an adventuring party, which after this many rounds, he really likes!
If you did not respond... You started to head back to the Red Dragon Inn, but Stein's brilliant rapping had pushed you over the edge. You turn around and run back. Before you know it, you have joined his crew. You are out of the game, but at least you're part of the hip hop scene now.
A very inebriated Flagón stands on the table, sloshing a pint of ale around. He stumbles a bit and you're worried he's going to fall, but he manages to stand up straight. "I, Flagón Green-leaf, son of Fläsk Green-leaf, am quoing on a guest! I mean, um. Guesting on a go. Going on a west. There, close enough." You manage to pull him back down to his seat, as half the tavern is staring at you. "But who will I go with?" he asks, eyes big and wet. After all the trouble he's caused, you really don't want to take him with you, so you pat him on the head and assure him you'll find him the best adventuring group of them all.
You scout out the bar and look for a party who would be willing to take the little lush. Four tables of things that could ostensibly be called people look like they might be good choices.
Who do you approach?
A. A party made of a human rogue, an old human wizard and his young apprentice, and what looks like an awakened owlbear with a bandolier and a crossbow.
B. A rowdy minotaur and his twin half-orc drinking buddies.
C. A bunch of halflings and their exasperated ancient wizard companion.
D. A young child who's got no sense at all, a friendly frog that knows more than you'd think, a very tall gnome, and a bluebird. |
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:35 am
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:36 am
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:40 am
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:42 am
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Scaramouche Fandango Crew
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Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2014 3:43 am
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