[FIN] Picking up the Pieces

[BlackFireKitsune]

That was.... that was a lot to take in at once, a lot of words that made sense, sounded helpful, and yet he couldn't help but feel a disconnect from them. Applying them to Zevran felt so foreign, so alien, especially for someone who avoided hospitals if at all possible because he had no way to really pay for it. It took the blond a moment or two to process everything and try and organize his thoughts. "Yes," he replied soon enough, then opened his mouth to ask a question... except one didn't come. He frowned, shut his mouth, dug around a bit and came up blank once more. He did have questions, he knew he did, but he couldn't think of one to ask. He was alive, they'd taken care of him, he was alive and he would continue to stay that way...

But would he?

A question promptly presented itself to him and he voiced it without hesitation but with some anxiety, unknowingly asking what Taavi had wanted to. "Will he be okay?"  

[TawnyAngel]

He wished people wouldn't ask that. He knew why they did but he wished they wouldn't.

"I can't promise that," Dith replied honestly, his voice soft and expression soft but unflinching. "His injuries were very severe, the next few days will be critical. I can promise you that he will get the best care that can be given, the attending in the ICU is one of the best doctors I've ever met and she has a great team working with her. Overall I am optimistic, but I can't promise you that everything will be fine." He wished he could. He wished he could just tell everyone that but the reality was that people died here every day and even those who were doing well could take a sudden turn for the worse.

No promises, but how optimistic was optimistic? Ninety percent? That was still a one in ten chance he'd... Ninety five? More? Maybe he'd just pretend it was ninety nine but even that didn't make him feel a whole lot better. Taavi swallowed hard and rubbed his eyes with his sleeve before reaching over to scoop Amigo into his lap, Butterfree weren't the best shape for cuddling but he could keep him close at least.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"Ah. I... I thought as much," Abel admitted as his gaze dropped down to the tile floor between his feet. While he would've loved to hear a positive response, a promise that he would be just fine, deep down he knew that he very well might not be. He was fine now, but who was to say he'd still be fine tomorrow, or the day after? Bullets could do quite a lot of damage, especially when shot into someone's chest. Twice. Perhaps even if he had heard a positive response he would've been skeptical of it regardless because he knew that fact so well?

But he was okay now, he was stable, they were taking care of him... and they'd continue to do so as well as they possibly could. He was young and fit like Taavi said - and lucky too - so he'd be okay. He would. He had to be.

Focusing on the positives for now - he would be okay, Dith said there were excellent people that would take care of him and they'd wake him in a few days - Abel lifted his gaze back up to his friend, uncertain what to ask next. Again there were a myriad of things he wanted to know, but none of them seemed even remotely important enough to ask save one... and it was one that gave him pause before he asked. "Can... can we see him?" Would they be able to? Would they want to have their hearts crushed with how awful he almost assuredly looked right now? He didn't know, but he wanted to see him anyway. Hearing that someone was alive was much different than seeing it firsthand; perhaps doing so would give him some measure of solace.

Or perhaps it'd simply rip his heart right out of his chest instead.  

[TawnyAngel]

At least he could honestly tell Abel something he wanted to hear tonight. "Of course." Dith nodded and rose to his feet, pushing his chair back into line with the others as he did so. "We don't have visiting between twenty-one hundred and six in the ICU normally but we have flexibility for cases like this. Dr. Chakwas will not want you to stay too long but you can come and say hello, stay a few minutes." Abel might be upset by what he saw but less upset than he would be by being kept away.

As he stepped out of the waiting room Dith suppressed a yawn and realised he'd never got around to dinner; food when he got in, maybe get take out on the way home.

"The ICU is in another wing, it will take a couple of minutes to walk there. Two people and one small pokemon in the room will be fine but please ask the others to stay in the ICU waiting room, or recall them to their pokeballs," Dith said as he headed along familiar hallways. "You'll also need to turn off your phones, dexes, and any other electronics before you go into the room. There's hand sanitiser outside the ICU, make sure you use some okay?"

"Oh, um, right." Taavi nodded and looked quickly to Swift and Dawn, who nodded their agreement. "Thanks guys," he smiled weakly before calling both back and clipping their pokeballs onto his belt again.

Amigo hung onto Taavi's shoulder, listening carefully to what the big man was saying but struggling to take any of it in.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Oh, they could? They could. Good. Even if it was only for a few minutes, that would be enough. ...maybe. Possibly. Couldn't he just.. stay? He wouldn't wake for a few days, but... but that was fine, he didn't mind as long as he could stay near his boyfriend and make sure he was okay -- stayed okay.

At the question he frowned lightly and glanced down at Isaac. Taavi probably didn't bring his ball - he rarely ever used it himself, truthfully - so the Espeon would have to wait outside. That was fine, he would be fine. Amigo deserved to go in more than any other pokemon anyway, Isaac would understand. "Okay," he said to Dith without hesitation, and even though they weren't quite there yet he pulled his phone from his pocket to shut it off ahead of time. It wasn't like anyone else would be texting him anytime soon anyway; the only people he was interested in hearing from were in the hospital at the moment, one not even conscious. But it was fine, he was fine, everything would be fine.  

[TawnyAngel]

Those practicalities were the easy bit, preparing people for seeing somebody they cared about so ill was harder.

As they continued down long, brightly lit, echoing hallways Dith turned his head so that he could look down at Abel; missing half a field of vision was a pain in the arse. "I won't lie," he continued, "he looks as ill as he is, and there are a lot of different machines in there. There are tubes for draining, others for administering drugs and fluids and wires from a few monitors. The tube for the ventilator goes down his throat, a lot of people find that quite upsetting; it looks very awkward but I can promise you he isn't in any pain, I'm happy to explain anything you're curious or worried about. It's unlikely that he will respond to you in any way but he might be aware that you're there when you speak to him or touch his hand, sedation is... a sliding scale if you will."

That sounded like too many tubes and wires for comfort but Taavi didn't say anything, the comment wouldn't help but all the intimidating sounding equipment would.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"Ah... I figured he would," Abel admitted as he hooked his thumbs into his pockets as he walked alongside the taller blond, trying to quell the feelings of misgiving that kept trying to surface. "He... he looked pretty bad before, so..." So now he probably looked worse. But unlike before, even if he did look worse, at least he was alive, and all the various... things around would help him stay alive -- help him get better. He would stay alive, he would, and soon he'd be well enough to wake up and everything would be infinitely better.

Or worse, because Abel had no doubt Taliesen's death would weigh heavy on Zevran's heart.

As long as he lived long enough to feel it.  

[TawnyAngel]

It could be worse, there were no facial wounds at least, but he doubted that would be of any comfort to Abel. Dith nodded silently to what Abel had and had not said - he imagined that was Abel imagining what it would be like in there - and then came to a halt outside a set of double doors, the sign above them declared that they'd arrived.

"Here." Dith nodded to a dispenser on the wall and pressed the lever to squirt some hand sanitiser into his waiting palm. "Rub your hands over each other like this, get in between the fingers," he said, demonstrating as he spoke.

When he saw the sign Taavi's stomach started to twist into knots and a feeling of dread clutched at him. Should he even be here? He knew Zev pretty well, he considered him a close friend but... Well if he had no family then it was probably okay right? He might like the company, or even if he didn't know about it now later on he might like to know that he'd cared enough to come; Zevran didn't usually seem like the sort for sensitive things like that but the way he looked at Abel sometimes made Taavi wonder.

"Um, right." Taavi nodded to Dith's instructions and then fetched out his 'gear to turn it off before following them. It would be fine. They'd see Zev, it wouldn't be as bad as he was imagining, and then... They'd go home? It didn't seem right to go away and leave him here; he hadn't really liked leaving Abel when he'd been in hospital but at least he'd been aware and able to text and things when he wasn't sleeping.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

The closer they got to the intensive care unit, the more anxious he became, and as much as he wanted to pinpoint just one reason why, there were at least a dozen different causes all whirling around in his head and his heart. When Dith stopped and spoke again Abel's burgeoning anxiety stuttered and halted for the moment as he focused on his friend's instructions. "Okay," he said with a brief nod, moving to get himself some hand sanitizer and use it as instructed. Thankfully he'd already shut his phone off and didn't have any other devices or anything, so he needn't worry about those anymore.  

[TawnyAngel]

Once the three visitors had cleaned their hands - or whatever a Butterfree's appendages were properly called - Dith nodded to the group and pushed open one of the doors.

The area they stepped into was quite spartan, there were two semi-circles of desks - not quite joined - and that was about it for the main area. Off to the sides of the open space were glass fronted rooms. The first on the left contained some chairs and a seemingly incongruous leaflet stand; it was occupied by a lone woman dressed in a pant-suit who sat with a small purse clasped on her lap as she looked blankly at the floor.

The other rooms were occupied by beds. Some of the beds were empty - and these rooms were otherwise unoccupied - but most had patients lying in them and these rooms were full of machines, all of which seemed to make some kind of a noise.

As they stepped inside a woman who looked around Abel's own age stepped out from behind the desks to greet them with a small welcoming smile. "Dr. Vladamirin, hello, can I help?"

"Dr. Hameed," Dith returned the slight smile and nodded. "These are friends of Zevran's, they would like to see him. Is Dr. Chakwas around?"

"She's doing a consult right now but I can okay an out of hours visit," the young woman replied, the first half of her sentence directed to Dith but the second to Abel and Taavi. "He's just a little way down here. Has Dr. Vladamirin already asked you to turn off your electronics?"

"Um, yes m'am he has," Taavi replied with a brief nod. His hand felt clammy. In an attempt not to look into any of the rooms he found himself focusing on the pretty headscarf the woman wore, winter-sky blue with subtle white embroidery in a sort of vine pattern. "Um, and he said just two of us and a small pokemon," Taavi added and indicated Amigo.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

As they stepped through into the - lobby? Something, whatever they called it - all of the anxiety churning around in the pit of his stomach multiplied tenfold and it was all Abel could do to contain it. But it was fine, it was okay; Zevran was alive, he was here, they would see him in a minute.

Maybe that was why he was suddenly so anxious.

Abel's colorful eyes flitted to the woman that spoke to them, and like Taavi he found his gaze absently tracing the vine-like pattern of her headscarf. If he was a little more himself he might've thought it lovely, but as it was he was not, so he did not. "Ah, yeah," he agreed, and a moment or two later he remembered his Espeon and gestured down to him as he glanced down at the psychic-type, "oh, uh, and Isaac will wait out here I guess?"

Worried as he was for Zevran, Isaac knew Amigo's worry trumped his own by far. Isaac offered his friend a reassuring chirp as he plopped himself down onto the floor. He would wait here with the nice young woman for as long as they'd let Abel and Taavi and Amigo in to see Zevran.  

[TawnyAngel]

"I'll show them down, I'm sure you've got plenty to do Hameed." Didn't they all, all of the time? But he had finished work for the day, Dr. Hameed had probably only recently started and would be facing a mountain of paperwork as well as keeping an eye on the ICU while Chakwas was absent.

Hameed smiled slightly again and nodded. "Alright, take care all of you."

They left her heading back around the desk and started down the room until, about half way along, Dith slowed and halted by one of the rooms. "In here." He opened the door, stepped inside and held it for Taavi and Abel to enter.

Taavi hung back so that Abel could go in first. He'd been trying to avoid looking inside but a tightening of Amigo's grip on his shoulder made him raise his head at last.

The person in the room didn't look all that much like Zev.

He was still and silent in the bed, the back of the bed was slightly raised for some reason. His chest was bare except for two dressings - must be covering the bullet wounds - and several tubes, and wires stuck onto him with little round pads. His mouth was slightly open and, yes, the tube going into it was disturbing. A lot of machines were bleeping but the only one Taavi recognised from where he hovered in the doorway was the heart-rate monitor.

He'd seen Zev this morning laughing and sitting on Abel's lap because there weren't enough chairs. They'd shared pretzels. How could that have been less than a day ago?  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Feeling his stomach twist itself into impressive knots, Abel nodded mutely and followed after Dith, first down the hall and then into the room, where the blond promptly felt like a freight train had collided with his abdomen at the same instant someone ripped his heart right out of his chest. He couldn't breathe, not as he stared at the figure carefully laid on the bed. It hurt. It hurt, his heart hurt, ached more than he ever thought it could -- and it had ached so painfully more than once before.

Zevran's short stature wasn't really something he ever thought about or paid much attention to. While he was on the short side, he always had a large presence, from his confident self-assured posture, gestures, his walk, everything -- to his voice, his words, the looks he could give, his tattoos, his expressions, his charisma and charm... No, nothing about Zevran was quiet or unassuming or demure; what he lacked in height he more than made up for in his bright, vibrant demeanor, so full of life and enjoyment for that life.

Zevran had never looked so small.

It wasn't like he'd shrunk or anything, Abel knew, but he couldn't help but think it anyway with how many tubes and wires and machines surrounded him, almost swallowing him whole. Zevran always seemed so vibrant and alive, independent and confident, and now he was so injured and weak that his body wouldn't survive if not for the machines keeping him alive, breathing for him and ensuring his heart kept beating and had enough blood to circulate.

Had it really only been just yesterday that they'd joked and laughed, that Zevran had kissed him so hard and looked at him like he was the whole entire world, that they had talked and shared things they never thought they would breathe a word of to another person? Had it only been just yesterday that they'd first said they loved each other even though it felt like they'd felt that way for ages now? And now there Zevran was, unconscious and barely clinging to life, unable to survive without machines - machines, as in more than one - not without them constantly monitoring and adjusting or whatever else they were all doing.

After a few moments Abel remembered to breathe again.  

[TawnyAngel]

After what felt like forever Taavi tore his gaze away from the silent figure in the bed and looked to Abel again. Standing there staring his best friend, his brother was as silent and almost as still as Zev. Taavi swallowed a feeling of nausea at the whole scene and pressed down the urge to just curl up and cry somewhere, this was like crisis response right? Almost. It was too personal and there was too little he could do but there was something he could do, it was small but he'd take it.

Taavi stepped up beside Abel and wrapped his arms tightly around him.

ICU's were never silent - except that one time, that power cut when the generator hadn't kicked in right away, and it had only been silent for a moment before the shouting - but speechlessness was common. Dith didn't make a habit of forcing words into a space that didn't want them but when there was something useful to say;

Dith closed the door behind the three visitors and then gestured to one of the monitors. "His blood pressure has picked up a little, that's good."  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Breathing hadn't been difficult since he'd been stabbed, but it was difficult now. His throat had closed up not for the first time that night as he struggled to reconcile the still, silent figure on the bed with his bright, lively boyfriend. He could be quiet when he wanted to be - he could be absolutely silent when he wanted to be - but he was always alert. Even when he was sleeping he awoke quickly since he slept lightly. The only time they'd seen him so unlike himself was when he'd been drugged, but at least then he'd been alert to some degree -- at least he'd been awake at all.

He failed to even notice Taavi's abrupt, tight embrace, but he did notice Dith breaking the silence -- or at least the silence from no one speaking; the machines bleeped away reassuringly and kept a certain quiet level of noise it seemed. Even then he couldn't quite convince himself to tear his gaze away from Zevran. His blood pressure had gone up a little, that was good; that was positive. Improvement. It didn't look like him, not at all but it was him, he was alive even if he wasn't anywhere near awake or alert, and the machines circling him and connected to him would make sure he stayed alive. Improved. After a few more moments Abel echoed him quietly, "That's good." A few moments more he finally succeeded in yanking his gaze away from his love - his precious boyfriend, so weak and frail and helpless, barely alive - to look at the monitor Dith had gestured to and he tried to think of something to say, something to ask. Anything at all, really, but words were difficult. "How's--uh.. I..." Nnnnope, there was nothing. Abel licked his lips as his anxiousness returned. "Sorry, I.. don't really know what to say."