The OOC Hangout Thread (New people introduce yourself here!)

[Magni Prime]

Don't worry, old friend. As Wellie has pointed out, the place will stay the same. It is just that it is a constant reminder of what once was and my self-depreciation of how it fell on my watch. We have had this conversation several times . . . but it still bothers me. I didn't get much rest this weekend, and ended up getting it all on my "day off." They gave me Monday off after working overnight on saturday and sunday. The problem is, I worked sunday night into monday morning, meaning I worked 6 hours of my "day off." ugh. I slept about 5 hours in the morning on monday, and then went to bed at like 6:30 to get up at 3:45.

I was just thinking of that duel the other day, it was fun. I thought the arena was a great place to have quick battle RPs, and it should have done better. Galvan was nothing short of the highlight of this place. It was exciting, fun, and enthralling . . . till the drama took it, and then there was the whole debacle of my ascention and the drama that stole Merlinic, Krome, and others. We never recovered from that.

You have valid points, Wellie. *sighs* Just hate to see this place so very dead. I had forgotten about the purge issues, and again your memories being lost are significant reasons to leave it alone. Its fine. No purge or lockdown is coming, not as long as I am in charge . . . and it seems I will be for as long as I am on this site.  

[Magni Prime]

Agreed. My wife actually is pushing to have me see if there are any other comparable or better options around. I do somewhat like where I work now, even if the job is still my least-desired option. I'm just feeling the pressure of working full-time and trying to get my fiverr work done as well . . . and being broke since April, despite the new job that should be doing far better financially.

Maybe I am just a whiny old man. Missing old friends, dreaming of better days.  

[Magni Prime]

quite possibly, if we could agree on a game/setting.  

[Magni Prime]

truth be told, I feel myself struggling heavily with depression. It feels like the world is conspiring to ensure I never do better in life. I've not been 'happy' in so long that I don't honestly remember what it feels like, The only time I am laughing and happy is when I can commit to nihilism at work. The concept that nothing matters and everything is a big joke . . . and a bad one. Despite our ongoing conversation for years, it feels like I have nowhere to turn to and even vent without worry.

So yeah, I'm not doing so well emotionally or mentally these days.  

[Magni Prime]

Perhaps a better term might be 'numb?' Not so much dead as unable to give a crap about the stressors in your life any longer.

My latest technique is nihilism. Everything is a big joke- and a bad one. Laughing at the world instead of breaking into rage or sorrow. It is a fake shield commonly used by those that battle depression . . . but it does seem to work. Nobody asks me if I am okay or what is wrong anymore. I don't feel like a bother to those at work.  

[Magni Prime]

confused  

[Magni Prime]

I cna understand to a degree, Wellie. By the way, for what it is worth, I'm sorry about Jason over on FB. I've unfriended him there. His actions against my feelings on guns were bad enough, but insulting you like that was uncalled for. Then he made a fairly vicious post about trans individuals, and I just said ******** no. That shouldn't happen again.

As for therapy, I wonder if I should do that. As a psychologist, I understand my own mental health is not as good as it could be. Unfortunately, I don't open up to others. Not really. It's easier here online, but in person I tend to keep personal details of any real worth close to the chest. Like . . . subdermal. This in direct contrast to how lonely and alone I feel a lot lately. Depression is insidious.

*looks to Yoder* Anything useful can be dangrous if overly used or used improperly. I'll be careful, but sometimes the joker laugh is about all I have to keep me from going into another panic attack. It seems to help a lot more than I wish it did.