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  • Artist Info: The Three Little Politically Correct Pigs<br />
    exerpt from J.F.Garner's book "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories."<br />
    <br />
    <br />
    Once there were three little pigs who lived together in mutual respect<br />
    and in harmony with their environment. Using materials that were <br />
    indigenous to the area, they each built a beautiful house. One pig built<br />
    a house of straw, one a house of sticks, and one a house of dung, clay, <br />
    and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln. When they <br />
    were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to <br />
    live in peace and self-determination.<br />
    <br />
    But their idyll was soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf<br />
    with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry, in both <br />
    the physical nad ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran <br />
    into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the <br />
    door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"<br />
    <br />
    The pigs shouted back, "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs<br />
    defending their homes and culture."<br />
    <br />
    But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny.<br />
    So he huffed and he puffed and he blew down the house of straw. The <br />
    frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit. <br />
    Where the house of straw had stood, other wolves bought up the land and <br />
    started a banana plantation. At the house of sticks, the wolf again <br />
    banged on the door and shouted,<br />
    <br />
    "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"<br />
    <br />
    The pigs shouted, "Go to hell, you carnivourous, imperialistic oppressor!"<br />
    <br />
    At this, the wolf chuckled condescendingly. He thought to himself:<br />
    "They are so childlike in their ways. It will be a shame to see them go,<br />
    but progress cannot be stopped."<br />
    <br />
    So the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks.<br />
    The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels.<br />
    Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo<br />
    resort complex for vacationing wolves, with each unit a fiberglass<br />
    reconstruction of the house of sticks, as well as native curio shops,<br />
    snorkeling, and dolphin shows.<br />
    <br />
    At the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted,<br />
    "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"<br />
    <br />
    This time in respnse, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote<br />
    letters of protest to the United Nations.<br />
    <br />
    By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation <br />
    from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and he puffed, and huffed <br />
    and puffed, the grabbed his chest and fell over dead of a massive heart <br />
    attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods.<br />
    <br />
    The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little <br />
    dance around the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate <br />
    their homeland. They gathered together a band of other pigs who had been<br />
    forced off their lands. Their new brigade of porcinistas attacked the <br />
    resort complex with machine guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the <br />
    cruel wolf opressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere <br />
    not to meddle in their internal affairs. Then the pigs set up a model <br />
    socialist democracy with free education, universal health care, and <br />
    affordable housing for everyone.<br />
    <br />
    <br />
    Please Note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No <br />
    actual wolves were harmed in the writing of the story.<br />
    <br />
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