• Must. Clean. Feathers! My thoughts, or, in a better term, my thought, my single thought, zoomed around inside my head. Every once in a while, I’d lose my concentration, therefore losing my thought, and I’d have to sit and think for a long period of time before I suddenly remembered what I was doing in the first place. Then, of course, I’d start back up again, and, surprise, surprise, I’d lose my concentration…again.

    So, here I am, preening my feathers in the dark coolness of the hole under the granary. I pluck the clumps of dirt and the remaining unwanted…items? … from my gorgeous mahogany-colored feathers. My right wing was spread outward for easier cleaning, while my sharp talons were clinging to the hard earth.

    Feathers! Clean? Yes! Yes, clean feathers! Mmmm, feathers…Before I was able to continue my concentrated effort, a small gleam from the old, metal chicken pen caught my eye. Oooh, shiny! Along with the shine, muffled voices and the soft plop of feet hitting the ground made its way to my ears. As soon as I was able to comprehend what I was hearing, large, soft, pinkish feet came into my line of vision. Not long after, another pair of feet appeared.

    Huh! Evil boy…Evil boy…Evil puny boy…Hmm…what’s his name? Oh, evil puny boy. Yes, evil puny boy…Hmm, he has a companion with him…Well, since he is obviously friends with him, he must be evil too…Yes…Evil puny boys.

    A low hissing noise emanated from my throat. My beady eyes narrowed and my talons furrowed the earth beneath me. They walked ever closer to where I was hiding, ever closer. The smaller of the two turned toward the larger one. The boy’s mouth started moving. Inaudible noises, soft, flowed through my head.

    And so, prepare for battle adversary. Prepare…Dun dun dun duuuunnnn. Oh, man, I crack myself up…I laughed in my head. I am such an evil genius.


    I lowered my head and spread my wings out just enough so they weren’t tucked against my feathered body. I placed one leg slightly farther in front of the other in hope to get better speed. One of the boys spoke.

    “Where is he? Where is he?” The boy sounded frantic, like he was panicking.

    Wait for it…wait for it…The smaller boy turned his back towards me. ATTACK!!!

    I ascended from the hole under the granary with ferocious speed and I let out a loud screech-like noise. The boy turned towards the noise and didn’t have any chance of defending himself. The only thing he was able to do in that split instant was widen his eyes and gape.

    I hit him, and I hit hard.Pecking with my beak, clawing with my incredibly sharp talons, he didn’t have a chance. He fell to the ground and hit his backside hard. Probably so hard, it would have bruised.Mwahahahahahahahaha! Fear me puny, pathetic, blunt-fingered human! The boy flung his arms and just started swinging. Apparently attempting to hurt me somehow.

    Dust and dirt particles billowed in a deep, cloudy plume. Every now and then, a fist, foot, talon, or feathered wing would appear from the depths of the dark column. Several minutes into the fight, the boy flung an arm out of the plume in search of something to use against me. And he found it.

    WHACK!!!

    Perfect for me, he grabbed a board, and because of the nice boy he is, he hit me, HARD. My vision flickered, black spots appeared in front of my eyes, the edges of my sight blurred, and I stumbled a bit. The ferocity with which he had hit me shocked me for a moment. And in that moment, the boy, the evil puny boy, , threw me off of him.

    In an attempt to escape, I fled from the battle so that I wouldn’t be further injured.

    I fled to the safety of my hole, under the granary, where the boy couldn’t fit. My temper seethed. I tore at the ground with my talons in frustration as I peered through the hole at the boys. I made the low hissing noise again.

    This is not over. You may have won the battle today, but you have not won the war tomorrow. You shall always fear Ernie the Roos---

    Huh! Dirt! On my feathers! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    I quickly and immediately resumed preening my feathers.