• Light: Dude, what is that noise? I can’t sleep.

    L: I think it’s coming from next door.

    Light: What the hell are Near and Mello doing?

    L: I told you, you didn’t want to go there.

    Light: I’m going over there to see what's going on. I can not go another night without sleep.

    L: Dude, you’re bold. I wouldn’t dare go over there. They might not even hear you knock over the noise they’re making.

    Light: I don’t need to knock. I have a key.

    L: Dude, I don’t even wanna know.

    Light: I’ll be back in a minute.

    L: Whatever. I'll try to see if we have some mind soap because you're gonna need when you get back.

    - Light goes over to Near and Mello's, unlocks the door and goes in.

    Near: Meep!

    - Near and Mello are standing frozen in the center of their living room with a plate in each of their hands.

    Light: Is this what you do every night? This is the noise that keeps me awake?

    Near: Maybe.

    Light: What the crap? I mean seriously, you're throwing plates at the wall. Well, why the hell did you need all of that stuff the other day?

    Near: Well, I needed the banana because I was hungry; the duck tape because I was hanging up some posters; and the vasoline for the hole in the wall.

    Light: What hole in the wall?

    Near: Don’t you see it? It’s right in front of you.

    Light: Why the hell do you have a hole in your wall?

    Near: It leads to Mello’s secret deposit of the food that shall not be named.

    Light: Oh, you mean chocolate.

    Near: Ahhh!!!

    - Near screams and jumps on the ceiling fan.

    Near: Damn it, Light. Didn’t I just say that it shouldn’t be named.

    Mello: Heh heh.

    - Mello laughs and turns on the ceiling fan.

    Near: DAMN IT, MELLO!!! TURN OFF THE ******** FAN!!!

    Light: You do this just to irritate me, don’t you? Everyone hates me!!

    - Light runs out of the apartment crying. L is standing in the hallway with a camera.

    L: Dude… Camera: 240 yen. Light crying like a baby caught on film: priceless.

    - In Near and Mello’s apartment….

    Near: Now, shall we?

    Mello: Bring it on.

    Near: I can’t believe he actually thought that we throw plates at night.

    Mello: Now, let’s start the real noise.

    Near: Oh yeah.

    - Meanwhile at Matt's ....

    Teru: Hello Matt.

    - Matt is playing his PS3 mindlessly.

    Matt: Yeah, hi.

    Teru: I am sorry to inform you, but I am no longer needed at my job. They have deleted me.

    Matt: Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

    Teru: I’ll be in my room if you have any questions.

    Matt: Okay.

    Teru: Goodnight, Matt.

    Matt: Whatever.

    - 1 minute later…

    Matt: Ah s**t! Now I can’t afford to live here by myself. I gotta find another tenant and fast. But where are they going to live? I only have a 2-bedroom apartment. I know.

    - Matt goes to Teru’s room and knocks on his door. Teru answers.

    Teru: How can I be of service to you?

    Matt: Your a** has got to go. No job, no room.

    Teru: But Mr. Matt, I have a little notebook that can change your mind. Shall I go get it? Delete.

    Matt: Never mind. I’ll just figure this out another way.

    Teru: Good luck with your search for another tenant.

    - Teru closes his door and continues killing people like he was never interrupted.

    Matt: Yeah, whatever.

    - Matt calls L.

    Matt: Hey, L. Can I come over?

    L: …

    Matt: Yeah, I just wanna talk.

    L: ….

    Matt: I swear if you say Matt and chat in the same sentence one more time, I'm throw from the top off your building and I'll make sure you don't survive.

    L: ....

    Matt: Okay. I'll be over in a minute.

    - Back at L's place....

    Misa: Has Light come back yet?

    L: No, Ms. Amane. I'm sorry.

    Misa: It's okay. You know, you call me Misa.

    L: *fantasizing about Misa taking a shower* Oh, no. I would never show that little respect to you, Ms. Amane.

    Misa: Suit yourself. Hey, isn’t Matt supposed to be coming?

    L: Yeah. Normally he would be here by now. I wonder what’s taking him so long.

    - Meanwhile…

    Matt: *stuck in traffic* Gawd damnit. I was supposed to be at L’s 10 minutes ago. Argh! I’ll just call Ryuk.

    - Matt calls Ryuk’s private apple line.

    Matt: Hey, Ryuk can you come get me and fly me to your place.

    Ryuk: ...

    Matt: No, not your apple place, L and Light’s place.

    Ryuk: …

    Matt: Thanks, I owe you.

    - Back at L’s place….

    L: Man, where is he?

    - The doorbell rings. L answers it.

    L: Dude, what took you so long. Don’t you live, like on the 2nd floor.

    Matt: What the hell. No, I live on the other side of Tokyo.

    L: Why?

    Matt: I don’t know. You should ask the writer.

    L: Okay. WATARI!!!!

    Watari: Yes, L?

    L: I need you to talk to Kaze for me.

    Watari: Well, that may not be possible. She’s a very busy person.

    L: Well then, MAKE IT FREAKIN’ HAPPEN!! I HAVE A VERY VALID QUESTION!!

    Watari: I will see what I can do.

    L: Thank you. That’s all I asked for.

    Watari: I will get on that right away.

    L: Anyway. So, Matt what did you want to talk about?

    Matt: Mikami lost his damn job and I need a new tenant.

    L: Then why don’t you just put Mikami out on his a**.

    Matt: I would, but he has a death note and he threatened me with it already.

    L: That sucks. So, what are you going to do?

    Matt: I gotta find a bigger apartment, but I don’t know where to look.

    L: Why don’t you just move to a bigger apartment in your building?

    Matt: My building has been full since 1978.

    L: Dude, how old are you?

    Matt: Yeah, well you know Ed right?

    L: From Full Metal Alchemist!?!

    Matt: Yeah, him. He gave me the elixir of life, so that should explain everything, unless you don’t know about alchemy.

    L: I know what alchemy is. This story just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Well, anyway, what are you going to do?

    Matt: I think that I just might have to move to this building.

    L: Well, that would make a hell of a lot more sense.

    Matt: Yeah, I know. I’ll move tomorrow.

    L: Does that freakin’ Misa Amane stalker know that you are moving it to his building?

    Matt: You own this building?

    L: You a*****e. I was talking about the guy from the Yotsuba group.

    Matt: Oh. Yeah, I had Mikami do a little persuading.

    L: Nice. Have you found a tenant yet?

    Matt: I put an ad in the daily paper and I got a call. It was some guy named Aburame Shino.

    L: The guy from Naruto?

    Matt: I guess, I don’t know. He sounded like I guy I wouldn’t shoot, so I’m thinking about telling him to move in.

    L: Dude, you don’t want him living on your apartment.

    Matt: Why not?

    L: What do you mean, why not? Don’t you watch the show?

    Matt: Sorta. I’m not really into shows with a whole bunch of guys in them.

    L: Well, trust me. Don’t let stay at your place. Did anyone else call you?

    Matt: Yeah. Some guy named Ishida Uryu.

    L: You gotta be kidding me. The guy from Bleach?

    Matt: Umm... sure. He said that he would pay double the rent if I let him stay. What’s your opinion?

    L: I have no more opinions. Let’s just drop this subject of your housing issues. I have had one hell of a week.

    Matt: L, you’re an a**. Anyway, what happened?

    L: Well, I went out to go to the store....

    Matt: OMFG. You went to the store, by yourself, with out Watari.

    L: I go to the store sometimes. I'm 23 years old. I can go to the store by myself. Anyway, I was at the store and this one girl came up to me.

    - Flashback...

    Girl: Oh my gawd! You're L Lawliet.

    - Flashback interruption(WTF!?! Who the ******** interrupts a flashback!?!)

    Matt: Who's L Lawliet?

    L: I'm L Lawliet. That's my real name, I think. Anyway, back to my flashback that some idiot interrupted.

    Matt: I'm sorry. Please continue.

    - Back to the flashback

    L: How do you know my real name?

    Girl: I know everything about you.

    L: Lady, who are you?

    Girl: I'm your fiancee, L.

    L: Wait, so you're telling me that you are my fiancee.

    Girl: Yep.

    L: KAZE!?!

    Kaze: What? We're kinda in the middle of a story.

    L: Who is this girl?

    Kaze: Who does she say she is?

    L: She says she my fiancee.

    Kaze: Well then, she your fiancee.

    L: I HAVE A FIANCEE!?!

    Kaze: Apparently. Now please continue with the story.

    - L mumbles something incoherent, but is distinct cursing.

    L: How do you know that it's me. It could be Beyond Birthday. You know, the guy looks just like me.

    Girl: No, I know it's you. Look I have proof. On my ring, there's an engravement that says, "To the love of my life. -L Lawliet."

    L: Damn.

    - End flashback

    Matt: HA HA HA!!! That's hilarious. You have a fiancee. Who would want to marry you.

    L: b*****d. I'm a very likeable person.

    Matt: Who likes someone that calls them a b*****d.

    L: Whatever.

    Matt: So, where did you meet this girl?

    L: I don't know. I've never seen her before in my life.

    Matt: Where do you think you met this girl?

    L: Well, it could have been at a party. You know, we had so pretty wild parties back at Wammy's House.

    Matt: At Wammy's House. That place is full of nerds. What the hell kind of parties did you have there?

    L: Did I say Wammy's House? I meant my friend Sammie's House. He lives in America. I used to live there, you know.

    Matt: L, is this girl Japanese?

    L: Yeah.

    Matt: Does she know how to speak Japanese?

    L: Yeah. Matt, why are you asking all of these questions?

    Matt: You a**-tard. How the hell do you think you met a JAPANESE-speaking JAPANESE girl in America.

    L: Matt, you're so mean.

    Matt: L,... YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!

    Light: Hey, can you keep it down. I'm trying to watch Yu-Gi-Oh GX. You can do it, Syrus. Beat your idiot brother, Zane.

    L: Oh yeah, that reminds me. Hey, fuzzbag.

    Light: WHAT!?! DAMN IT. I'M TRYING TO WATCH TV.

    L: My fiancee is moving in. I just thought I'd give you a heads-up. She'll be here in 15 minutes.

    Light: Yeah, okay.

    - A minute later,....

    Light: What the hell do you mean someone's moving in here!?!

    L: It's not just anyoone. She's my fiancee.

    Light: You have a fiancee?

    L: Apparently.

    Light: heh heh. HA HA HA. Who would want to marry you!?! HA HA

    L: You b*****d. I am a very likeable person.

    - Suddenly the door opens and a girl walks in.

    Girl: L, sweetie, I'm home.

    Episode 2 / End