• So I'm in my room that is not my room because it's in my mother's house who is not my mother. She is not my mother because she did not raise me, I raised myself.... Pleasantly, I start dreaming again... Dreaming of The Feast, The Feast in which my heart will quench its hunger for the warm teasing blood that shall spill like a river from my hands, and that which I shall take as mine into my core. That which I should have had from birth, that which was so careless of me. Then I look back into her eyes. The eyes that no longer see, those of Mother, though she really is not my mother, because I have nothing in this world other then my dream... My dream which I cherish so much because its mine, and mine only. I make love to it over and over again, playing it like a film, for it is the only thing which is mine, and mine only.

    My name is not important, because i have no name, I'm my mother's son and that is all I am. But she is not my mother, that she is not. I'm just her son because she owns me and I own nothing... but a dream, it is all I own.
    Tonight I want to sleep in her arms, the cold white arms of loneliness... i will let her embrace me and take me into her bosom, where i will then sleep to the sound of her singing voice, the sound of emptiness.

    There is a voice that calls me. it is a beating heart speaking to me.
    it wants to be mine, but it can't. it can't because mother, who is not
    mother , keeps it captive... It cries, and then it dies... and then... light    !

    Dream... The dream that is mine alone... And I'm thinking of what I should wear for the special occasion, perhaps... Leather? Yes, leather! Because it has a sweet smell and it slides on my skin like sweat... Yes, and sweat will happen... it will happen tonight.Tonight I have decided to dress in leather and comb my hair to the back, sleek and black like my eyes. Tonight, when mother comes home I'll greet her with a hug and she'll wonder why, and then I'll take her to the beach and indulge her with wine and sweets. then she'll love me, and I''ll love her, and we'll hold hands side by side and hope the world never ends so we can kiss each other like raindrops on our shoulders for eternity... No, not really... Never! Never again will I make love to her like the baby that cries on her bosom and hugs her neck, never again will my hands fell hers, not as long as she lives... And not ever after tonight.

    Time runs fast and it is now 6:15... any minute now... Now! Now! Now!....There...She walks in... She does not even see me, but she never does anyway, because she mumbles something like "hi, how are you?" but she doesn't really say anything because I'm not worthy, not worthy of her song, not worthy of her goodnight stories, and not worthy of her smile... I smile, I smile because I know soon Mother will be mine, and mine alone to love me.

    Mother walks casually to her room where i know she'll take her clothes off and take her shower. I wait, looking through the crack on her door at how she lets her pants slide down and pulls her shirt off over her head... I smile. I walk to my room and pick up my tools: a belt, brown leather and very old, used to be mother's but she grew too fat for it. My dagger, this is a precious item! It's stainless steel with a black leather handle, a beautiful sight. The nail clipper, big and shiny from the dollar store. Finally the salt, what I like to call the Life Savior. I walk back to mother's room with my tools in a shoebox. On my way back I notice the family picture on the wall, I put it down and set it on the floor.

    I walk into Mother's room, she is already in the shower. I take the belt out and set the box on the floor. I open the door to the bathroom, Mother does not know I'm in... Listening to the water drops hit the floor and bounce of her skin, I take a minute of silence to enjoy the excitement of my raising heart,so thrilling.... So exciting!

    I take slow silent steps towards the shower, feeling the fog on my face becoming water and breathing in the warm air... I then quickly open the curtain and she screams. I take the belt and hit her everywhere in her body... whipping her face and body, loving her screams for help... Now she's helpless! Helpless like I once was. Swallowing the torture of her cold eyes and feeding on her absent affection. Now she falls, knowing that her strength is no longer abundant due to her age. But I still want her to get weaker. I keep hitting her and her lips are now busted open, blood runs down her chin and is rinsed by water. Her skin is turning bright red, burning like fire. There are wounds everywhere... Hmm... Water... I turn the hot water shut and leave the cold water running. She's freezing, and I keep hitting her with my belt. she just cries now, she's too weak to do anything, but I wont stop. " you have been a bad Mother, there are consequences to your acts. Come on now, I'm only doing this because I love you." I reach for my dagger and take her arm. She creams, I cut her skin open exposing the pink muscle tissue and I cut off a small chunk of flesh, then I pour salt on it to stop the bleeding and keep her alive. Soon she starts to puke everywhere and I kick her on the face. I move to her other arm and cut off the tendon so she can't move... I moved down to her legs and she kicks me! "you ******** b***h! wanna make it worse on yourself? I was planning on not using the nail clipper but you are ******** pushing me, slut!" I pull her hair back exposing her face and I horizontally slice her left eye across the middle... She screams and kicks everywhere and I just smile dodging her hits. " i told you, Mother. Now you be a good girl and I might make this shorter." Half her face is now red with blood and I pour a little more salt on her eye. She wants to fly out of here but she can't she's weak and for now all she can do is cry and she begs me for forgiveness of whatever she's done, but now it's too late. I take her legs and cut off the tendons. The cold water keeps running and she keeps creaming while I laugh. So happy... So very happy! I walked back to her room and took her iron from her closet. I connect it besides her bed. I pull out of the bath tub and drag her to the room, she's heavy but I can take her. I go back and turn the shower off. I then carry her and lay her on her bed. She is no longer making any sounds but she will start very soon. "time for bed." I undid the the shoe laces from her shoes and tied her arms on the bed's headpiece. I took the hot iron and pressed it on her skin, I once again listened to her screams. I then pulled off the burnt skin and pour salt on her exposed flesh. she would not shut up so I had to take the needles and pierce her lips together shut. If she did not want to hurt more she would have to keep her mouth shut... Mother just cried as i continued the process, peeling of her skin everywhere on her body. I then took the nail clipper and took her chubby wrinkled hands. I started to chop her nails, finger by finger, clipping and clipping, nail and flesh... her bloody fingers becoming less and less. I stopped when all her little fingers and no trace of nails... about an inch shorter they were. by the time I was finished she looked morbid. skin peeled, a bloody mess, I copped of her breasts, and shortened her fingers. She laid there, alive, but like a statue of salt.

    Just one final touch. I picked up her head and took the needles out, her jaw dropped open and she continued to cry. I held her with one arm and made the other hand into a fist... I then pushed my fist down her mouth and forced it down her throat, struggling to hold her body as she moved and tried to scream. I finally got to where I wanted, my fist felt a beating heart... I opened my fist, toked the heart and yanked it out... her body laid lifeless and empty as always. her heart was finally mine... I liked the blood on it and kissed it.My heart, finally mine, all mine. My heart, mine! I looked back at her dead eyes where I could still see myself and smiled... The first bite was good, delicious raw flesh, my heart all mine. I gulped it down. I felt the crunchy flesh break and crush between my teeth. stared back at her eyes and saw myself loving it.... Mine, all is mine now.... I'm free.