tab Gordon was minding his business, doing nothing in particular when the first signs of suspicion spread throughout the kitchen. He couldn’t see anything, but he knew it was there to the bottom of his salty gut. His eyes scanned the windows, one’s blinds were open a crack, and beyond it he could see the blackness of night... but no clues to what he dreaded. He asked his friend Gayla, but she snorted pepper into the air upon hearing what he had to say.
tab “Really, Gordon, that’s silly. No one’s going to die. Now go back to sleep.” And she did just as she told him. But Gordon stayed awake on the shelf. The Refrigerator shifted in his sleep, and began snoring. Maybe there wasn’t anything to worry about... maybe...
tab A muffled thump made Gordon jump. It came from the floor above. He scurried up to the edge, and hid behind his friend Sam, who was asleep as everyone else. Something was going down the stairs, making a lot of noise as it did so. Gordon heard it round a corner, and thought “Oh God it’s headed for the Kitchen!” He panicked, and slipped over edge, landing on his head. Salt fell out, all over the counter. What ever it was, it came ever closer. Gordon quickly rolled beneath a pile of freshly cleaned dishes, who drooled in their sleep. It came into view, nearly 5 feet tall, and turned out to be Wendorathancy, the 17 year old Girl that happened to live here. Gordon sighed in relief as she went buy, and entered the bathroom. The Coo-Coo clock in the living room struck 2:30 A.M. The girl was tinkling in the mystery bowl. Gordon never understood it, he guessed it was some sort of regeneration process for people, much like the way they refilled him with salt when he ran out, or Sam, with sugar. Gordon rolled out from beneath the dishes, and with slight difficulty stood upright on the counter. The next step was to get back up on the shelf. He was sure Wendorathancy would place him back, and...
tab A loud scratching from the window caught Gordon’s attention. He turned to see something big whoosh past the small opening in the blinds... something very big...
tab “Ah... G-G-Gayla!” Gordon peeped.
tab No answer. This was up to him alone. He slid along the counter, and came to the edge. The shadowed figure appeared to be heading to the front door.
tab “Gordon?” Sam was awake. “Gordon, what’re ya-”
tab “Sam!” Gordon whispered back. “I need your help, climb down here!”
tab “Ye kiddin? I ain’t clamberin’ down from this here spot ‘less ya gotta reason fer me.”
tab “Hey, you owe me one for when I...” Gordon looked back and forth. “You know...”
tab “Yeah, yeah, yeah...” Sam grumbled as he leapt off the shelf. “I’m a comin’” He came over to where Gordon stood, facing the living room. “So now what?”
tab Gordon explained to him what he had seen, and his suspicious premonition of doom. “I need to get to the living room to prepare for whatever may be out there. And I need you to help me.”
tab “It done be as crazy as a coon in the crapper, but I’ll help ye on yer ‘quest’ if ye wan’ me to.” Sam slid down the toaster’s wire, Gordon followed, and they both made there way across the floor. The air here was colder, and the windows were wider. A feeling of uncertainty swept over the two as they approached the Vacuum cleaner. The scratching grew louder, and Darwin (the front door) seemed to bulge as he slept.
tab Wendorathancy came out of the bathroom, and came out into the living room. As she did so, the bolt on Darwin’s side slowly undid itself, and he woke up with a jolt. “Hey, what is this? What IS this!? No! NO! AH!!!” Wendorathancy came into the living room, and saw him break open. In swept a cloud of dark matter, slinking back and forth on the carpet floor. She stepped back, and that’s about as far as she got before the cloud engulfed her.
tab Sam and Gordon had been planning a form of action, and now put it into commission. Gordon ran full sprint across the floor towards what ever the monster was, while Sam rammed his silver head into the power button on Max, the Vacuum Cleaner. The cloud was munching hungrily on Wendorathancy’s arm as she screamed painfully. This woke the house up, and everyone inside it, but before any of them could identify the source, Sam successfully convinced Max to run over Wendorathancy’s now limp body. The dark cloud vanished into the depths of Max’s bag, and was no more.
tab Gordon came over to Wendorathancy’s body, who was now unconscious. Her arm had been robbed of it’s outer skin. leaving bright red tissue exposed to the air. To wake her up, Gordon sprinkled some salt onto her wound, which caused her to scream herself awake.
tab “Wha- Huh? What happened!?” She stammered.
tab Gordon spoke up first. “You were attacked by some kind of monster, and...”
tab “and I sucked it off you.” Max finished. “Oh, and it turned out to be some kind of a beard.”
tab “HEY!” The house thundered. “WHAT’S GOING ON IN THERE?”
tab “Nuthin’ T’worry ‘bout Jeremy, We’s been fight’n a monster, tha’s all.”
tab “OH, OKAY, THANKS SAM. WHO SCREAMED?”
tab “That was me, sorry.” Wendorothancy got up on her feet.
tab “WELL, I HAVEN’T HEARD YOU SCREAM IN QUITE SOME TIME... ARE YOU OKAY?”
tab “Yeah,” she said. “But I’m not so sure about Darwin.” Darwin was swinging on his hinges, moaning in pain. “I’d better get back to Ben; Finals tomorrow.”
tab “Oh, that’s right,” Gordon said as she placed him back on the shelf. “Good luck on all that.”
tab “Ye can use s’much sugar s’ye need fer them finals, an’ I’ve got plenny O that!” Sam pointed out as he too was put back where he belonged. Wendorathancy returned to lay on Ben for sleep, while Gordon told Gayla all about what happened.
tab “GOODNIGHT WENDORATHANCY!” The house said, as he shuttered his shutters. Max pushed Darwin back to his rightful spot, and out on the street Larry flickered out, as the sun slowly came back up.
Greyquill Creative Writing Forum
- Title: The Beard
- Artist: MaryJeanStar
This story, I wrote two years ago, for a contest held in Greyquill's Creative Writing Forum, (inquire link within, if interested.) The contest's theme was horror, so this is what I produced.
Enjoy this comical, optimistic horror about a salt shaker named Gordon.
- Date: 01/23/2009
- Tags: beard salt horror creative greyquill
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