a twisted twin

• Artist: Zoe of your sin
• Description: Amy has a twin,who she never met until she tried to kill her. i will post a ne chapter every week
• Date: 03/08/2009
• Tags: second chance your love

chapter 1 Evelin Shamitt
"God" Amy whispered " how can i even stand up to miss Evelin Sharnit, I mean she is so popular and now she hates me". Amy stared at her self in the mirror, as long as she could remember she was the most popular girl in school. Then came Evelin with her light blonde hair and green piercing eyes, all the boys sliped on there on slobber at the sight of her and even worse Evelin hated her for no reason.
***
Amy walked in school the next morning, she planed to be as nice to Evelin as humanly possible. She went in the bathroom to fix her hair,it was odd no one was in there but she went on applying make-up that she stole from her mom since she wasn't supposed to wear any. then she saw it a shadow it the corner of the last stall. she whiped around and it was gone, just then all the girls came rushing in and Evelin was with them.
***

By the end of school Amy was reduced to tears. She had, had her hair pulled and food dumped on her, all by Evelin's new little click. she just wanted to go home and die from all this even her friends went to Evelin, even Tara her best friend of 5 years. it was raining when and amy was sobbing under a tree when a umbrella went of her it was a senior named Jasper Nalic.
"what's up with you your getting all soaked out here you should get home" I was shocked he was talking me he talked to no one not even Evelin. "umm i just thought... well you see......" then I couldn't hold it any more I let out a loud sob " i hate Evelin" i cried. Then he pulled me up. "ill walk you home" he whispered.
to be continued

Comments

[vannahlove]

It was short and it needs editing. I'll help out w/ the editing at school k?

[ekobor]

You need to do some more editing, there are several spelling mistakes and some sentences play out strangely. Capitalization and punctuation are relatively good, but there are some mistakes. I also believe you've rushed too quickly into what you're trying to get at, and some longer description would be wonderful. If you expanded this out it would fill at least six paragraphs easily. Right now it is just a bit too cramped.

Good Luck.

[Azureith]

It was pretty good. Work on the wording in the last paragraph. but over all good

[Zoe of your sin]

please tell me what you think