• Lavernius Tucker is not actually my character. I role-play as him on occasion, along with the rest of the Red vs Blue cast. However, I have tweaked the character quite a bit to match my own inner vision. So, he's not mine, but he's sorta mine in some ways. If that makes sense. Same applies to Caboose. WARNING. There be cursing in these here parts. And sexual reference.

    I've never been very lucky with the ladies. I hate to admit this, but Lavernius Tucker is really damn close to a virgin. I've never had an actual relationship, and I've only had sex twice. The first time wasn't really sex. It was more... Well, it was a bit more of an experiment gone horribly wrong. The second time was with the wrong person. And it was terrible. Very bad. Neither of us actually got off, which is, I'm told, really bad if the guy doesn't get off during sex. It's just thrust and repeat. That motion'll get you gone most times. Not with Suzanne.

    We weren't right for each other, in any way. We were drunk-ish and she was a b***h. A rotten b***h by my standards. Only three people have ever met my "rotten b***h" standards, too. Suzanne, Tex, and Hilary Clinton. So, you see how hard it is to get on that scale.

    I've never stayed in a relationship for very long. The longest was a week, and the girl dumped me because she just wasn't feeling it anymore or something. She gave some bullshit reason, but really she was just more interested in one of the jocks on the football team. That I never was. I wasn't a geek, like a math nerd or anything, but I wasn't the jock like all those preppy girls wanted. I was a nobody, and I've remained a nobody mostly my entire life.

    I was a nobody in the military too. Recruited to the middle of nowhere with a bunch of other nobody's with the sheer purpose of helping to hide an AI. I mean really? How shitty is that?

    And even now? I've got friends, people I hang out with, I guess... But they don't like me. I'm just the guy who's there taking up space.

    So, I guess that's why I was surprised when we sat around in that circle naming names and a couple people said they wouldn't mind getting together with me. Whether just for sex or something more, I don't know. But it was nice all the same. I felt like a somebody that night. And it emboldened me.

    Rebecca. She was the one that caught my attention. She's pretty, real pretty. And I'm a little attracted to her, in more ways than one. So when she asked if anyone wanted to join her in the kitchen to grab drinks, I offered to go. I figured we'd just grab drinks and head back to the rest of the group, but hey... No one really writes this s**t in stone until after it happens.

    We talked, and drank. Just barely a glass and a half for each of us, so I can't blame it on the alcohol. I wish I could. I blurted out the stupidest idea. Make them sweat. Freak everyone out by making them think we'd been making out. s**t. Caboose is going to kill me.

    Yeah. I made out with someone else's girlfriend. Rebecca and I had decided that we were going to pretend to be making out when someone came in to check on us. Turns out it was Donut who came looking and turns out Rebecca is very good at pretending. So am I, it would seem.

    And I didn't want it to end. I wanted to kiss her until nightfall. It was a weird feeling, but I just liked the way she felt. Her lips, her hands on my neck. The easy way she'd slipped onto the counter when I lifted her onto it. The whole damn thing felt so right and perfect.

    But... But maybe I shouldn't think about it anymore anyway. She's got a boyfriend. Moreover, her boyfriend is one of the guys I was stationed with. That's like the ultimate betrayal. Stealing a brother's girl. And that's what Caboose and I are now, brothers. I wouldn't. I couldn't do that.

    Besides, it's not like Rebecca thought anything of it. It was just to make the others sweat. She doesn't look at me and want to kiss me again. And even if she did, she'd give up on me within a week. They all do. There's something wrong with me, is what it is. Something about me. Something about Lavernius Tucker... Is broken. And it sucks, but it means I'm destined to be alone.

    Because no one as beautiful and witty and fun as Rebecca Eastman would ever want to spend her life with someone as low, dirty, stupid and pathetic as Lavernius Tucker. No matter how many medals I may have. No matter how tough the military made me. No matter how sweet I can be despite that. Rebecca Eastman does not want me. She wants Caboose, and I'm just there for the shock factor.