• Day 1,
    I started at the wall listening to the conversation in the next room. I could feel Mr. ST. James staring at me so I was holding as still as possible, which was something I ‘m very good at.
    “I don’t know if we can handle this Emma, you saw how he reacted when I tried shaking his hand. He practically fell off his chair trying to keep from being hit.”
    A woman, Emma, answered him, “So what if he did? We’ve handled abused children before.”
    “Yes, exactly, Emma children NOT teenagers. Who knows what kind of trouble he could get into? And how are we supposed to discipline him? There’s only one thing that scares him and you know we’d never do that.”
    “Tomas at least give him a chance. We’re his last hope we can’t let this boy suffer because we’re too afraid to take him on.”
    Silence
    After a long pause I heard Tomas sigh, “all right it can’t hurt to try.” That’s where you’re wrong I thought almost smiling, almost. They were talking about me. I knew as well as my caretaker next to me that they stood no chance. I had two years left before I was free of these idiots that thought they could help me.
    My new foster parents walked back into the kitchen hand in hand, blah, some people just shouldn’t still be in love. They looked like they were almost 50. I’d never seen a marriage last over 35, especially ones that tried to take care of me.
    “We’ve decided to take him in.” Emma smiled way too nicely. It was disgusting.
    Mr. St. James tried to smile without letting on that we’d both clearly heard their conversation. “Of course, I knew you would. There are just a few things to sign before, Trevor where are you going?” I had gotten up and was headed for the door with my stuff.
    “I’m not a charity case. If you don’t really want me,” I turned to give Tomas a meaningful look, “then don’t take me. I can deal with a few years in juvie it’s not like they don’t know me there. And it’s not like you can fix me four no sorry five families have tried in the past year all of them have failed miserably.”
    I tried to leave but Mr. St. James stopped me, “Trevor you’ll be staying here for a while.”
    “Why?”
    “Because I’m telling you to.”
    Mr. St. James was a very strongly built man with sharp commanding features who demanded respect from everyone he met but I’d known him too long to fear him. I knew he’s never do anything to me, anyone else he wouldn’t have boundaries but a kid in my situation got special treatment. “I honestly don’t give a s**t what you say.”
    He stiffened and walked to my side leaning towards me and whispering in my ear, “I know you don’t like them but the judge requested them. They have an amazing record with foster children. Just wait a few months then I can come get you. They probably won’t keep you very long.”
    I sighed, “Fine I’ll stay, but only for a while.” I stared at Emma and Tomas expectantly.
    “Your room is the first on the right at the top of the stairs.” Emma smiled stiffly, and started for the stairs.
    “I can find it.” I dropped my stuff on the bed and sat on the top step to listen to Mr. St James finish warning my new guardians. I started picking at a faded part on the carpet as they started in on my drug problem. He listed the doctors and clinics I’d been to and the red-gray carpet started to deteriorate in my hands. I closed my eyes and clenched my fist around the fibers in my hand as they started talking about my father.
    “He pretends to be over what his father did to him but he’s still torn up about it. No child should ever have to go through what he was forced to withstand.” I tried to drown out the sound of their voices as some of my scars were explained. I stood up when I thought they were finished, but stopped as he continued. “He uses what his father did to him as an excuse to get away with things. You can’t let him do that. Be firm he’s perfected making people feel sorry for him that’s the only reason the judge is giving him this last chance.”
    I was fed up with the speech I’d heard a hundred times and stormed downstairs. “Where are you going?” Tomas reached out to stop me but I ducked under his arm.
    “TO HELL AND BACK AGAIN!” I shouted and raised my fist in the air with mock determination. I heard Mr. St James tell Tomas that it would be pointless to go after me. I smiled, he knew where I was going, he always had my back.
    I walked down to the high school which was now only two blocks away. As I went around back I could already smell the weed. Jeremy handed me the joint as I sat down next to him. He smiled weekly at me, already intoxicated from the look on his face and not to mention the remainder of the burnt out joints scattered on the blacktop around us. I had only gotten through two by the time I saw the headlights of Tomas’ car. He stepped out taking the keys out of the ignition staring at Jeremy as if he were the scum of the earth, when I think back he probably was.
    “Get in the car Trevor, now” he looked around nervously even though his voice was firm.
    “Are you kidding I’m not going home with you. You’re just going to get rid of me anyways.” I took another drag on the joint and handed it to Jeremy who was scrounging around in his pockets for more weed.
    Tomas was apparently fed up with me already because he grabbed my arm and started dragging me to his car.
    That was his first mistake that night.
    I don’t know if it was the drugs or if I was just imagining it but I started to see my father, not Tomas. But somehow I knew it wasn’t him because I never would have punched my father I was much too afraid of him. Tomas staggered backwards holding his bloody face. I slowly began to realize what I’d done and I dragged my feet to the car not looking at Tomas until he tried to fit the key into the door dropping them in the process. I picked them up and opened the door.
    “Get in.” I stared at him blankly as he winced in pain from trying to look horrified. “You can’t drive like that, don’t worry I won’t drive us off any cliffs I’m not suicidal tonight.”
    We were in the driveway before he finally understood the ‘tonight’ in that sentence. He panicked and of course went running to Emma to tell her how much of a mistake they’d made taking me in. I went straight up to my bedroom knowing that it wouldn’t be mine for long. I searched through my bag until I found what I wanted. I rolled up my left sleeve and dragged the knife along the side of my wrist. Licking the blood from my arm I rolled down my sleeve again hoping it being black would hide my new cut well enough.
    I stopped at the top of the stairs to listen to them finish their conversation. But I didn’t hear any arguing like in every other house. I tried to hear what they were saying and it didn’t have anything to do with me. She was fixing his nose and he was complaining about her being to rough. I slowly went down dragging my fingers along the wall.
    When I entered the kitchen they were laughing about something. I stared at them for the moment it took them to notice me. Quickly I put up a wall and became completely indifferent to everything.
    “Hello Trevor,” Emma smiled genuinely at me. I slightly turned my head and glared back. “Why don’t you get some sleep Honey tomorrow’s a school day.”
    I glanced at Tomas who was leaning against the counter with the same happy face as Emma the only difference was his was broken. And that was my fault.
    “You’re not getting rid of me?” I couldn’t hide my surprise when they both shook their heads.
    “You are not a dog we don’t just get rid of children because they do something wrong. Why would you think we’d do that?” If Emma had asked in her too-sweet voice I might have answered, but it was Tomas.
    I turned around and went back up the steps without a word. Even if I hated this man almost as much as my father I couldn’t get his words out of my head. I though back to when my father had told me countless times how worthless I was and how I was as useful dead as alive. Then all the people who told me contrary. But none struck me as his words, “you’re not a dog.” Why did this matter to me? I didn’t give a damn what Tomas thought or said, but as I cried myself to sleep as I had many nights before those words stuck in my mind.