• Hello, I'm Ben Remmerswaal.

    Ignored,
    Betrayed,
    and alone.

    Things had been pretty bad since I started into school again this year. Last year I'd been almost completely alone. But that was because I'd been just a little mentally un-stable at the time, this time I know I'm alone, even when I sit among the classes filled with the bright and cheery children of my age group. None of them knew me anymore, even those who tried to remain my friends, eventually they just ignored me like everyone else because they couldn't relate anymore.

    Even that had been fine to what I have now.

    She had held me up through the times where I couldn't stand it, even if I couldn't hug her like I'd love to do, she was still there when I needed her, unlike those pretenders who'd tried to be my friends without realizing the depth at which I'd changed.

    She was gone now, exactly twelve days ago she'd cut the contact with me, none of her friend, her parents, no one would even tell me where she was or why she was tearing apart my soul.

    But that didn't matter, either anymore, I had a plan now, had one since the first day she'd left in fact, I can still feel them burning there, along my left arm, each the exact same length and an inch apart, the eleven cuts marking the eleven days I'd tried to hold myself together with out her, but now I knew I couldn't live with out her, it was too much be ignored, alone and with out the one support I could depend on.

    Staring at the bathroom around me I smile, exactly twelve in the after noon, the opposite of when I'd made the other scars, each one made precisely at twelve at night. I flip my hand over, smiling. The last place left right over the vein on the opposite side of the arm in the opposite time of day.

    Taking a deep breath I raise the knife I'd managed to bring into this place with me. Staring at the wall in front of me. I notice that it‘s clean, the janitor does a good job. He missed the words “Catholic school sucks” written in front of my face though, but since they were scratched in he might be working on how to get it out now. I half regret not bring something to write with me, I'd have loved to leave a final message to those who'd left me alone even when I seemed to need it most.

    "Ben Remmerswaal, you have a visitor in the office. Ben Remmerswaal report to the office please"

    I suddenly laugh, loudly, I know I'm pretty close to the office and they can probably hear me right now. I don't care, with another deep breathe a cut deeply into the skin above my veins. The knife clatters from my hand and to the floor. I smile, sitting back against the wall and trying to ignore the pain.

    Breathing deeply and heavily I look down at my palm, watching the bright red blood slowly pour into it. Covering my hand in the warm blood I push my hand into the wall behind me. It takes more effort than I thought to move my hand there. I slide down the wall, leaving a smear of my blood.

    Panting heavily as the blood leaves me I start to black out. Seconds before sweet release I hear the door open and a high pitched scream. Who might that be? I wonder briefly before fading completely away.