"Living in different places
Evading into various spaces
My compass has broken
I'm losing the way
An ongoing madness has led me astray...."
All I knew was that she wore the simplest and most disheveled clothes, she never showed any sign that she combed her hair, she almost never wore shoes inside buildings, the only accessory (or necessity) she had with her were her glasses, she wore eyeliner only on the bottom of her eyes, and she had a demeanour that never drew attention to anyone. Even so, I couldn't stand her.
No one knew her name and no one knew what her voice sounded like. No one knew anything about her and she seemed invisible. But, she garnered my attention because she wouldn't stop looking at me. She seemed to take some unnatural interest in me. Was it because she practically knew everything there was to know about me?
I thought that happiness were everlasting and that only bad times were short-lived. Once I entered high school, I felt lost within myself and I became confused. I began retreating inside myself and from then on, I became alone.
"My past breathes down my neck
And it seems now that all I can do is
Go back to beginnings when all lay ahead
A fading illusion now plagues me instead...."
I bet I implied that I was happy as a child. Well, to tell you the truth, I thought it was complete hell. I had been in foster care for a good bit of time; my mother neglected me and my father was nowhere to be found. It was the same as if I lived with my mother again, but they kept telling me it was different and/or "much better." I would've committed suicide, but I have a habit of prolonging my suffering, so I held it off.
As a way of escaping with my sanity, I created a ghost in my mind that was in the shape of a girl. She was never meant to be accepted by society, especially by the idiotic bimbo populace, but she had these peculiarities because I thought that people that were weird were able to understand problems. I wanted so much for her to be real, but now that I think she really is, I began to reject her. Maybe it's because I don't want her around anymore? I mean, she's nothing but an illusion that comes back, but fades away.
"I follow elusive paths
O, it seems they've been written in stone
And the door to a new life is closing so fast
Burning the bridges will not bring me back...."
I've tried so hard to put my existence back together, but I never found a way. No matter what, I always manage to screw it up again. I thought that the doors always managed to shut just as I'm getting close. Other times, I thought that everyone around me had been burning the bridges to a new reality. That's usually when she appears.
That stupid ghost would never leave me alone. What's worse is that whenever she appeared, she seemed to be singing to herself. Why would she be singing? Furthermore, she only sang one song, and that's the one in the story. It's not mine, by the way.
"In me there's still a place that fulfills me
A sanctity here that I call home, I run to
When winter descends
If I try, can I find solid ground...?"
I kept thinking about what that could mean, but the only thing I could come up with was that it had something to do with a grove a little ways behind the high school. No one knows why, but we ended up calling it the Solitary Ground. I guess we thought it was some sort of holy place.
Each day, I saw the ghost retreat to the Solitary Ground once the day has ended. At first, I thought nothing of it, but it suddenly disturbed me that a human girl would go to a forest. Maybe she wasn't.
Many people who dared go into the Solitary Ground have sworn they have seen some sort of ghost there. The girls would get scared and the jocks would try to brave the wood only to come out even more afraid than their girlfriends. I've wanted to go into the Solitary Ground, but my friends would always be able to drive me away from there. Maybe if I followed the girl there, I would find the answers.
A gloomy winter came and, hoping that no one was there to interrupt me, I stood at the entrance to the path leading to the Solitary Ground. I closed my eyes and listened to the song, truly hoping that my friends never found me. Feeling that there would be no one following me, I proceeded.
After only a few steps, the ghost appeared in the snow, with a lantern and luna moths flying around her. She motioned for me to follow her, and I do so, all the while staring at the secluded path that only few have seen (they couldn't walk on it). I wondered if I was just as afraid as them. She wasn't so bad.
After awhile, we had reached the grove. Lucky me, I was the first to behold its beauty. I could see why the ghost would come here. The ghost looked at me after she put her lantern down. The luna moths landed on her, watching me as intently as she did. Her eyes told me that she could see that I was constantly under distress.
At that point, I didn't want to go back to civilization. Sure, I would go there for school, but for anything else, I would stay here, with the ghost. I knew that she disagreed with my plan. Then, out of nowhere, she began singing that song. If only I could ask her how she knew a song from civilization.
As I listened, I began seeing all of the wrongs that occurred in my life and that I needed to fix them. She, through the music, told me that, unlike her, there was still hope for me. Through the music, she conveyed images of how she had gotten lost in these very woods one winter ago and, after days of wandering, collapsed and met her end here. She revealed that she became a ghost because she never thought of giving herself that one chance. She acted as a guide to those who saw her and were willing to follow her, hoping that through music and images, she would be able to help them go back to society. But she, knowing that there would be a chance that I would not be able to readjust, conveyed one last image telling me that I could come here again and if it all got really bad, I could live here, though I would have to die here first.
With that, she disappeared and I began walking out of the grove. Given a chance to reflect, I guess I knew why they would call it the Solitary Ground. I walked away, thinking that there was a chance that I could change everything.
"I know that in me there's still a place that fulfills me
A sanctity here that I call home I run to
When winter descends
If I try, can I find solid ground...."
Looking back at the Solitary Ground one last time, I thought...
"...Or am I just wasting time...?"
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