• Hey, Nana, do you remember the first time we met? At that time, I actually believed in fate. Did you?

    I was sitting in room 707. The flat I had shared with Oosaki Nana. There was a magazine opened in front of me, but I wasn’t reading it. My head was resting in my hands and I was staring out the window. The baby in my stomach kicked. I smiled and placed a hand on it. I turned from the window and looked at the magazine in front of me. It was an article on Trapnest. My eyes lingered for a moment on Takumi. I thought he had loved me, but I knew he lied to me. He was having affairs behind my back. I didn’t want my child brought up in a house like that. I always wish that Nobu was the dad. But, we used protection. I turned the page and saw a picture of Blast looking up at me. Nana, Nobu, Yasu, and Shin. Shin…. He was like my son, he even calls me mom. My eyes roamed from Shin to Yasu, then from Yasu to Nana. My eyes finally landed on Nobu. Was Nobu really in a relationship with that woman? From what Nana had said, she was a porn star. I didn’t think he liked women like her.

    I stood up and walked to my old room. I had moved back in after I ended things with Takumi. He was still going to pay for everything. I was hoping that if I ended things with Takumi, I could be back with Nobu, but the way things were looking now, that was never going to happen. I looked around as I walked in. All the things in my room prior to moving in with Takumi were back. Everything. The only thing different was the poster. Before I moved out, there was a poster of Trapnest, now however; there was a poster of Blast. I preferred Blast over Trapnest, though.

    I made sure I had everything packed and ready to go in case I went into labor. I didn’t want to call for an ambulance and not be ready to go. I stretched and looked over at my bed. It looked nice and comfy. I remembered sharing that bed with Nana when Shoji broke up with me. It seemed so long ago that Shoji had cheated on me, but in reality, it really wasn’t that long ago. I walked over and lay down on the bed. I closed my eyes for a minute, but I must have dozed off.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    The next thing I knew, someone was knocking on the door. I was wondering who it could have been. It could have been Junko or maybe even Takumi. I got up and answered the door. I gasped and my eyes filled with tears.

    “Hey there, Hachiko! Got dinner ready for us?”

    I looked behind Nana and saw the rest of the group. Yasu, Shin, and Nobu. I was worried to see Nobu. But, he just smiled at me and I looked away.

    “I’m sorry, Nana. I didn’t know you were coming, so I haven’t prepared dinner yet,” I said.

    “I know, I am sorry for not calling you. I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to be here for you when you have that little baby in your stomach,” Nana said.

    “That’s nice of you, Nana,” I said.

    I stood back and let the others into the room.

    “So what should we have for dinner?” Nana asked.

    “Nana, should we let Nana-chan cook? I mean, she is pregnant. I don’t think it would be good for her. Not when she is close to her due date, anyways. Why don’t you cook?” Yasu said, smiling at me.

    “No! Nana’s food is too salty!” Nobu said.

    The next thing we knew, Nana’s boot had hit Nobu’s face. I smiled and remembered the first time I had met Nobu. The same thing had happened.

    “Why not some bentos? I can go buy some,” I said, looking at the group.

    “No, I will go,” Yasu said. “You need to stay here and rest.”

    “Pick up some beer, too!” Nana said.

    “I will. Hachi, I will pick up some tea for you. That will be better for you,” Yasu said, putting his hat on and leaving.

    I looked around the table. Nana had pulled out a cigarette, and then quickly put it away.

    “Sorry, I forgot that you were pregnant,” Nana said.

    “Oh, it’s ok as long as you smoke by the window,” I said.

    Nana moved over to the window, opened it and lit a cigarette. I looked over at Nobu. He seemed to be avoiding my eyes. I looked down at the table and sighed a little.

    “Have you chosen a name yet, mom?” Shin asked, resting his head on my shoulder.

    “No, not really. I don’t know what to name her. Or him. I haven’t really given it any thought. I am completely lost,” I said. “I wonder if I will be a good mom.”

    I had voiced something that was making me worry. I didn’t know if I would be a good mom. What if I screwed up my kid and it turned out to hate me? I didn’t want that.

    “I don’t think you are bad mom. You take care of me and I think you are really good,” Shin said.

    “Yes, but you can take care of yourself though. I am going to have a living breathing person is going to need me and rely on me. It seems scary when I think about it.”

    “Don’t worry, Hachiko, you will make a great mom. I just know you will,” Nana said.

    I smiled. I was so happy to hear that from them. I chanced a glance at Nobu, and saw him looking at me and smiling, too. My eyes started to well up with unshed tears. I was so happy to be here with Nana, Shin, Yasu, and Nobu. After awhile Yasu was back with some beer, tea, and bentos. It seemed like everything was back to normal. It didn’t seem like I had left to be with Takumi. This was how life was supposed to be. Shin and Nana got drunk, and Yasu managed to get Nana to her room. Shin would be sharing a bed with me, since he was considered my son. He helped Shin get to my room, and Nobu and I were left in the kitchen. He didn’t get drunk this time. He was looking out the window, and I decided now would be a good time to clear some things. I cleared my throat and he looked over at me.

    “Nobu, I want to clear some things up with you. I know you are in a relationship with that Yuri woman, but I need to tell you how I feel. I wasn’t able to do that before, and I need to do that now. I need to get everything out in the open. I love you. That’s all there is to it. I love you. I always have and I probably always will. There is a small piece of me that keeps hoping that this is your baby. I keep hoping that this child is yours. I want it to be yours. I am sorry for treating you the way I did. The only reason I chose Takumi over you was because he was showing me some kindness. I wasn’t getting that from you or anyone else. I am sorry for that. I just…. I just wanted you to know,” I said, standing up and wrapping a shawl around my shoulders.

    “Where are you going?” he asked me.

    “I am going for a walk,” I answered.

    I made sure I had my key and I left the room quickly. I made sure I was outside before I started to cry. I had held it in while I was talking to Nobu. I knew he was going to tell me that he didn’t love me anymore, that he loved that Yuri chick. But, I knew I had to tell him. As long as he knew how I felt, I was happy. I was no longer the naïve Komatsu Nana who came to Tokyo to be with her boyfriend. Ever since I arrived in Tokyo, I realized that I have matured just a little. A little. Not a lot. A little. But, as I dropped to my knees crying, I knew I was still a child in many ways. I had this childish thought that if I told Nobu how I felt about him, we would get back together. But in the game of love, things don’t work out that way. I heard the door to the building open, and I didn’t know if it was someone I knew or not.

    “Hachi….”

    It was a voice I knew. It was the voice of the man I loved. It was the voice of Nobu. I stayed still. I didn’t move, I didn’t sob. All that moved was the tears from my eyes. He kneeled before me and looked at me. I couldn’t look back at him. I continued to stare straight ahead. I could see him from the corner of my eye. I wanted to reach over and touch him. I wanted to kiss him. But, that wouldn’t be right. I couldn’t touch another woman’s man. I wasn’t Sachiko.
    He reached over, grabbed my chin and moved my face to look at him. That’s when it happened. He kissed me. He kissed me hungrily. I kissed him back with the same intensity that he kissed me with. I wrapped my arms around him and deepened the kiss. At that moment, I didn’t care that he was in a relationship with Yuri. All that mattered at the time was me, Komatsu Nana, and the man I loved, Terashima Nobu. Then I came to my senses.

    “Nobu! No! We must stop!” I said, pushing him away.

    “What? Why?” he asked.

    “Well, you are in a relationship with Yuri. I don’t want to destroy that. All that matters is that you are happy. Whether you are with me or not,” I said.

    I stood up and moved away from Nobu. I had to fight the urge to kiss him again.

    “But, I broke up with Yuri. I realized she wasn’t what I wanted. What I wanted was the one I had before. The one I wanted was you, Hac-, I mean Nana. I love you and only you,” Nobu said, leaning in to kiss me.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    At that moment I awoke. It took me a few moments to figure out where I was. It was then that I realized that I was in my bed. I was extremely disappointed that it was all a dream. I had dreamt about what I wished for. I dreamt about the deepest desire of my heart. All I wanted was to go back to a time before Trapnest, before Takumi. Sometimes I wondered if I would be much happier that way. So I closed my eyes and made one more wish.