• “I am too lost to be saved?” The thought popped in my head as I glanced down at the blade in which would end my life. Tears slide from my eyes like a shallow stream as they drop on to the blade. My body shook from fear. In fear of death, in fear of the pain I will feel. My body felt as cold as ice. Was death there waiting for me? Was the Grim Reaper there waiting for my life to end to drag me down to the lowest pits of hell?

    “No one loves you. Do it and you will go to a better place.” Someone said in my head. “You little b***h no slut you have brought nothing but harm to your loved ones. You don’t deserve to live.” Its said harshly which made my body shake more. “No one wants you. No one cares if you’d die. No one will cry. No one will be there to see your dead body. No one loves you.”

    My tears were no longer shallow streams but a flowing river after a hard rain. I felt colder then before and my throat was closed up. “Do I really want to die? Am I to lost to be saved?” That question popped in my head again. “Will my friends and family cry when I am gone? Will they really not come to see me one last time before I am either cremated or buried in the ground? Do they love me?” I looked up at the ceiling of my dark room. I thought back to when people in my family died. How everyone cried over them. How they mourned over there passing. Would they do that to me?

    “No they won’t. They will be glad you’re gone. No one loves you. No one loves you!” the voice laughed an evil cold laugh.

    A sound of metal hitting floor brought me back as I looked at the blade that had fallen from my hands. I glance at my reflection .My face slightly red as tears still fall. My eyes a puffed and red as well from crying, my nose running. I looked hideous. I also noticed while looking at my face that my body has stopped shaking but it still felt cold. The questioned popped in my head again “Am I to lost to be saved?”

    “Yes you are! You are too lost to be saved. You little slut. No one want you in there life. You hurt your family. You have no friends. You lover hate you. You hurt him the most. He doesn’t love you. He rather have you dead so that he doesn’t have to see your disgusting face. Or hear the fake happiness in your voice. He doesn’t love you. No one loves you.” It said more evil then before but it also sounded like it was getting frustrated.

    My heart skipped a beat as I thought about the one I loved. The one I gave my heart to though I cared for someone who I was once with. I just wanted him to help me get over the lost of my past love. I wanted him to mask the pain I feel cause of the one I lost. I do love him. That is just what I do to help cope with things like that. I can’t do those things alone. I would lose my mind.

    I really do love him but does he love me back after all I said? After all I have done? If I died will he mourn over my death? Do I really want to leave him or do I want to stay with him? I know I want him to be happy. But is he happy with me? Or is he fed up with me?

    My heart starting to throb painfully. This pain! This is the pain I didn’t want back. This is the pain that made me want to die. If I died then this pain will go away right? I will never be able to hurt anyone or feel this pain again?

    I started reaching for the blade again but stopped an inch before it. That voice growled angrily in my head.” Take it. Stab your heart. The pain will fade. Kill yourself to get ride of the pain forever. Then you will be able to be happy. Really happy. Truly happy.”

    “Why do you want me to die?” I asked the voice. “Why is it that you want me to die so bad? Who are you?”

    I closed my eyes but as I did my mind was sent to a dark dead forest with a thick fog that only layer around the forest. The sky was clear and black with a full blood red moon in it. I was no longer cold and tears were no longer falling from my eyes. “Where am I?” I asked myself out loud but was surprised that it was replied with that voice.

    “You are in the darkest depths of your mind.” It said. “This is where I live where I have been locked up for seventeen long years.”

    Hearing foot step from behind, I turned around only to see something that made me gasp. Standing there right next to a dead burnt tree was me. She looked just like me. The same age, the same hair style, evens the same clothes. Yet her eye color was not grayish blue like mine but red as the moon in the sky above. Her hair was as black as black could get. Also her skin was pale white like a ghost.

    “What never thought you would see yourself?” she questioned with an evil chuckle”I am you but darker” she answered with you me even questioning. ”I am the one tell you to kill yourself cause it is true. No one loves you. Your father hates your guts. Your mother left you because it is your entire fault. Your friend left cause of your weird ness and anger problems. As for your boyfriend though. All you have caused him is nothing but pain. Your selfish you little slut. You fight with him cause you get don’t get any attention when he wants to do his own things when you talk to him every day. You get jealous when he is hanging out with his friend when that is only once a week. Even when he is talking to his friend you get jealous. You’re a selfish little slut.”

    Tears started running down my face again. She was right I am selfish.” Your right I am selfish. But that doesn’t mean I have to die. My father and I don’t get along cause he treats me like a child as well as thinks I am a disgrace. As for my mom she left because she lost interest in my father. Plus she found someone else to love.” I stated getting up to my feet.

    “Well then what about Randy? You wish he was dead. You wanted him dead “she hissed getting angry as she tried to win this fight.

    “Your right I didn’t wish he was dead but that was because I wanted my mom and dad to get back together which didn’t happen but that is off the subject! Why do you want me dead!” I yelled wanting the answer out of her.

    She cringed and took a step back as if I used some sort of force to push her. “I want you dead cause you life is horrible and so I can be free and have a body of my own!” she yelled back making me take a step back.

    “I relies what I did and said was wrong but that is nothing I should die about. If he leaves me then it is my lost as well as his. I am still young and have a lot to learn and I still need to grow up. I want you out of my head!” I screamed with so much force that it made her fly back a few feet. A light surround my body and vision as I was brought back to my room. Looking around I see the blade. Taking it I bring it up stares and put it in the dish washer. Then I wipe my tears that were left and smile. “You are right I am selfish but this is my life to change not yours.” I said out loud “You have no power over me my other self. You never have. But thanks you for making me relies what I have done and for making me decide to find a way to fix it. So I’m not to lost to be saved.”