• It scares me sometimes... this force inside me... I can feel it like a second layer beneath my skin... It clings just below the surface and It breathes with my pulse; racing throughout my body in an endless loop...It charges and empowers me... It grants a sharpness and crispness to the night like no other living soul can fathom...

    I gain a smoothness; a fluidity to my whole body...I gain grace; I gain poise; I gain a strength and confidence beyond that of my fragile form...I know and see and understand the night around me...

    We can smell the life; we can see the heat; we can feel the warmth of the sheer life force of those around us...and then the need rises...the aching longing to feel complete with this second self...to meld the two into one perfect union....to feel the pleasure of the union; to feel the perfection of the union; to feel whole; sated; complete...

    But this solace does not come cheaply... It demands a price... It demands it's dues...and It will do whatever it must to fulfill it's need...It is my unnamed Darkness; my Hunger...

    It is alive just as I am alive and it is ruthless...a force of nature and therefore, in and of itself, although it is not evil....but a Being of Nature, it knows nothing of morality...it knows nothing of "right" and "wrong" ...

    It only knows it's drive to feed; to sate it's need; to survive at all cost...and it is so very strong...it courses though me; violating my very veins whispering It's wants to me...It sings in my soul sweet promises of pleasure and power...

    It knows what I secretly long for and it teases me with these very things until I give in... until I can't postpone the next 'high' a moment longer... until I find my teeth clamped onto living flesh and in a second of sheer horror, I realize I have done it again; I have surrendered; I have brought pain and harm with It's need and I have lost the never-ending battle one more time... but this is so fleeting... so washed away in the glory that is this surrender...We've wanted it for so long and we can no longer function as two separate entities, but mesh into one greedy instinct, wearing flesh...

    Another battle begins... the battle to regain control... to stop... to cease... to take enough to fill us, but not so much as to harm the donor... it is a fine and dangerous line that must not be crossed...

    It becomes the war of Instinct vs. Value... I must remember who I am beyond this; what I believe; what I hold dear... that this life is not mine alone to do with as I want; that we are not immune to law and morals...that It is not an unfeeling creature; that this is not a disposable resource... this is a human life and it is precious and it is worthy of living...and so I must stop... I must break the spell and again take rise over the darkness within me...

    The last battle rages later... when I am filled with life...when the world is again new and perfect...when I am strong, alive, and powerful... I battle my weakness... I battle myself and that It's need again has won...

    I battle the endless cycle of it all, as I know this perfection will not last... it is fleeting and soon, I do it all again... I will die a thousand deaths this way and It will forever search for that completion I touch for a moment... but It will never hold it...

    It is an addiction more greedy and demanding than any drug; it is a pain and hurts a thousand times as sharp as any other; and It is forever mine to have; forever mine to fight in futile fits...

    But in the end, It will always win... I am it's slave... and I can never break free... and It scares me sometimes...It can be such a force of hurt and a force of pain... It is strong and it always wins...