• CHAPTER 175 - PANIC

    It's only the beginning of the second worst thing that could happen to you.

    I had never been so quiet in almost my whole life. The whole time Kira was hanging out with us yesterday, I kept my mouth sealed shut. My excuse was that I was still feeling nauseous, which I was. But I found out why I was always so nauseous; it scared me to admit it to myself. I was pregnant. Pregnant.

    That night, I barely touched my food. Kai was constantly staring at me in concern; he wanted to know what was wrong but I couldn't tell him yet. I kept telling myself that it was just an ineffective test. I was constantly trying to convince myself that I was only hallucinating. I wish it were that easy.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~

    Groaning, I dropped my head onto the steering wheel of my car. My arms wrapped around my stomach and I bit my lip to hold it all back. I had just gotten out of the doctor's and it was official; I was pregnant. The world stopped spinning while I tried to absorb all I had discovered. There were hundreds of questions and explanations running through my head; how was I going to tell Kai that I was carrying his child if I couldn't even believe it myself? What was going to happen with the contract? Why did we even take our relationship all the way before marriage?

    "What am I going to do...what am I going to do...?" I reiterated to myself. I really didn't know what to do; I didn't know how to tell Kai and I didn't know how he would react.

    After another moment, a few tears slowly started dripping from my eyes. Soon enough, I was sobbing. I was petrified; what was going to happen since the contract was acting up? I couldn't allow the baby to die too; what was I going to do? I hated myself; Kai and I should have been more careful. But...the birth control...

    After I had finished up my sobbing, I started my car and took off as slow as I could back home. For once in a long time, I was afraid to face Kai. But I had no other choice; he would have to find out eventually. I couldn't just live as though nothing was wrong with a growing belly.

    Before I knew it, I was sitting in the driveway. I swallowed the lump in my throat and entered the house. Kai was in the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes. His shirt had been stripped off and he was minding his own business. He peeked over at me over his shoulder and turned around with a small smile on his face.

    "Good afternoon," he finished up the dishes and came over to give me a kiss. "How was the appointment?"

    I paused for a moment, choking on my own words; I was too much of a pansy to tell him, "It was okay. The doctor thinks it's a bug and that I should rest..."

    Kai smiled warmly and pushed some hair behind my left ear, "I'm going to shower. You should lay down." He looked at me with hesitation; he was becoming too sensitive.

    "Okay," I agreed and turned away. "Go ahead."

    After Kai left the kitchen, I sighed loudly. I didn't feel like resting; I needed to do something to distract myself. I'd bake. I brought out all of the supplies I needed for an angel food cake and started. The instructions to the ingredients were worn out and difficult to read so I improvised. Soon enough, I was distracted. The baby was off my mind and I was in my own little world. I didn't know if Kai was only taking a shower or what, but he was taking a while.

    I was starting to frost the cake with whipped cream until a pair of firm hands rested on my biceps. I gasped audibly and dropped the frosting knife, nearly taking off my toes. A wave of panic struck me and I was frozen in place. The whole thought about the pregnancy surfaced to my conscience and I pursed my mouth shut. Kai had taken a few steps away from me with concern on his face. I turned around and let out the breath I was holding in.

    "I-I'm sorry," I panicked and picked up the knife. I ripped off a few paper towels and started cleaning up the mess. "You surprised me."

    "I apologize," Kai tucked his hands in his pockets. The towel was still slung around his neck, catching the drips of water that hung off of the ends of his hair. "I thought you were supposed to be resting."

    "Yeah," I shrugged and started frosting the cake again. "But I felt like baking."

    Kai approached me and scooped me into his arms, though he groaned quietly at the internal pain he was suffering. He walked me over to the couch and laid me down on it, landing a wet kiss on my forehead. I wanted to tell him so badly; Kai, I'm pregnant with your baby. That was all I had to say. But...I was scared. I was petrified to tell Kai by myself.

    "Are you thirsty?" I tried to distract myself and I tilted my head to reveal my neck.

    "I'm not consuming any more of your blood," Kai denied easily and coldly. "It's becoming more strenuous for me to contain myself, whether your blood is drawn or not."

    That put an even bigger pit in my stomach; that meant the contract's due date was nearing even more. Since it was so close, was it even worth telling Kai I was pregnant? Every time I would think of that word, a chill would course up and down my spine. It was still impossible for me to believe; just seven weeks ago, I was still the biggest virgin in the world. A week later, I lose that virginity. Six weeks after that, I'm becoming a mother.

    I wrapped my arms under Kai's shoulders and stared at him in the eyes, "How much longer?"

    Kai stared at me with depression in his eyes, "I'd estimate another few weeks,"

    I embraced him a little tighter and pressed his forehead against mine, "Do you promise me...that we'll still stay together? No matter what goes wrong? And through the most unexpected?"

    "Until the end," he closed his eyes. "No matter what."

    That made me feel a little better, but still. Words could always be different than actions. People say what they'll do and they end up doing the exact opposite when the situation happens. But Kai was always hesitant on the subject of me ever happening to get pregnant. I doubted he would ever leave me...but he would probably be scared. He would probably think back to Ayame...

    "Arisa?" Kai wiped a tear off of my cheek. "Arisa, what's wrong?"

    "I'm scared," I closed my eyes. "I'm scared of the future." I sniffed and sighed. "Can we go to Matsuda and Orihime's sometime?" I was set on telling Kai about the news when there were others around.

    "Of course," he kissed my cheek, sounding a little emotionally hurt. "What's wrong?"

    "It's nothing," I sighed. "I just want to see Takeuchi and Miku again." I had almost forgotten they came back for a little while.

    Kai kissed my forehead and played with my hair, "If anything is stressing you out, please inform me," he pleaded. "I'm here to listen. My judgment about you will never change." He stared at me seriously. "I proposed to you because of my judgment about you. I've known you too long for you to keep the same masque without revealing another side to you."

    My stomach started churning violently and I covered my mouth, feeling the bile starting to creep up. Kai got the message and teleported and came back with a pot. I released the vomit into the pot and spit a couple of times, disgusted. I was surprised my esophagus wasn't diminished with all of the years of vomiting. Kai stroked my head gently as I vomited a couple more times but I knew what was causing it that time. A half-Vampire baby.

    "You should go into the city and feed," I offered, groaning. "I don't want you to be dehydrated."

    "I don't want to leave you alone," Kai shook his head. "Too dangerous."

    "It will be even more dangerous if you're dehydrated around me, Kai," I lectured. "Go." I also needed more time to think to myself.

    For a long moment, Kai was contemplating. He didn't know whether or not he should really leave me alone for a few hours. But I was right; it was more dangerous for him to be thirsty around me than to leave me alone for a little bit. He finally caved in and gave me a long kiss, breathing into my mouth. My heart only continued to drop lower; I couldn't believe the pain I was going to make Kai suffer through. As though he wasn't suffering enough most of his life.

    "You seem like something is wrong," Kai sighed as he stood up and slipped a shirt on. "I won't pressure you to tell me. But I'll listen." He kissed my forehead again. "I love you."

    "I love you too," I squeaked a little. He draped a blanket over me and took off, leaving me behind in the empty house with Momo.

    As the minutes dragged by, I twisted my engagement ring around my finger. The weight was being added again; not only to my finger, but to my belly. I moved my hands down to my stomach and stopped breathing for a moment; there was a lump already. After six weeks? It only felt like I was bloated but I was still a couple of weeks from my cycle. Maybe if I were to get my period on the right date, then the pregnancy would just be a hoax? No, the doctor already confirmed it.

    I tried to distract myself; I was forcing myself to think of the positives that could happen. Maybe Kai would actually be excited; maybe he'd be excited to become a dad. He could help me think of a name and pick out clothes and build the crib. Matsuda and Orihime could babysit for us whenever we would need it. Toshihiro would have a playmate--a halfling too, at that.

    "Maybe..." I pulled a blanket over me. "Maybe he'll come around..."