I run out to the sea and let the wind ruffle and toss my already unruly hair…
I want to just laugh and shout out to the sea and do a silly dance myself. It’s early in the morning, and no one else is up yet. I love it here by the sea, with the fresh salty air and the soothing sound of the tides crashing against the ivory white cliffs.
Sing, seagulls, sing! I spot a few egrets wading through the marshy wetlands, and hear the sandpipers go “Pee-wit, pee-wit wit-oh!” I’ve never felt more at peace. Suddenly the shrill song of the sandpiper seems to become “Pity me! Pity me, oh!” and memories flood in again, but they don’t hurt anymore.
I start writing in my diary Paige, listening to the sea, sketching the waterfowl, recording my thoughts, scribbling gibberish. I flip through her pages, reading through them and wondering where he is now…
Sunday, 22nd December 1996
It was a fun day today! Terence stayed with me all day, and we spent time on the beach just bird-watching and running up to the cliffs and lots of other stuff only our imagination can explore. I don’t know what I would do if Terence wasn’t here. You were my only friend before he came, and we’ve been such good friends for about two years now. If he left I think there would just be a big hole in me.
Monday, 17th March 1997
Happy St. Patrick’s Day! It’s been a while since I last wrote. Sorry!
More and more children are coming to this boarding school, mostly kids who need lots of fresh air and sunshine. Luckily none of them really bother to come down to the beach. That’s mine and Terence’s place.
Terence didn’t go out with me, saying he was going to meet the new people. Huh, who cares about the new people? I think its better that we just leave them be, and they leave us be. Just you and Terence is all I need.
Friday, 4th April 1997
Terence has been hanging out with a new girl called Abigail, and it’s not fair that he doesn’t spend as much time with me. He seems to really like her, but I don’t see anything special in her…
I tried tagging along with them, and Abigail treats me nicely in front of Terence, but I still can’t figure why she has this cold attitude towards me. Well, who cares what she thinks of me… I just hope Terence and I get to go out again sometime soon, just the two of us.
Sunday, 20th April 1997
Happy Birthday to me! I’m finally 15 years old!
There are no classes at the moment, for it’s spring vacation, but Terence and I are staying, so we just make our way down to the old beach and listen to the waves.
Terence made me a nice birthday surprise! He sketched a cute little sandpiper he’d been watching the other day for me and it looks so real on the paper. Said it was just like me, running away when the waves come in, but always making its way back, never giving up. How sweet of him! We spent the day together building a big sandcastle.
I’m trying not to think about Abigail. I don’t want to ruin this perfect day.
Saturday, 17th May 1997
Terence found some time without Abigail to spend with me again for the past few days, but it doesn’t seem to be the same as before. He keeps talking about Abigail. Every time he talks about her I feel something burning inside. What do you think it is, Paige? Do you think it’s jealousy? He seems a little more distant. I’m a little worried about this. And about the feelings in me that have started to act up lately. What if he doesn’t feel the same way?
Tuesday, 8th July 1997
Too much has been happening lately; I can’t put them in words… Terence and I have fallen apart. He wants to be with Abigail. But I want to be with him. This seems so bare on paper, but there’s much more to it. I’m not going to write about it, or I’ll start crying again.
I’m looking at the empty page next to this entry. Now, I’m like that empty page, waiting for someone to fill it again, just as Terence filled it before. But who would be able to fill that vast space?
Wednesday, 26th November 1997
Maybe an empty page isn’t so bad after all… It’s about time I moved on.
I haven’t felt like writing lately, so I apologise. I was thinking during summer about what to do next.
Does an empty page scare you? Some people find nothingness frightening. It’s not so bad, once you get over it. All you have to do is flip the page and start anew, filling it in with doodles and words. Besides, I’ve found a new friend, someone else who understands me – Keira.
I’ve already gotten over Terence. He’s now like a good friend to me, like before, that’s all. Maybe it was just some girlish fancy I had for him.
Lots of love,
“It’s already been two years since these events,” I realise…
I look up from the pages, noticing the sunlight is suddenly blocked by a shadow, and see Keira grinning down at me. “You came out to the beach alone and didn’t invite me?” she jokes.
I stand up in the wind, spread out my arms and close my eyes, and Keira does the same. The wind makes me feel like I’m flying. “Nah, I thought you weren’t up yet, so I came out myself. But it was kind of lonely, and I like it better with you around.”
No comments available ...