Yes I remember how every day and every hour that i was in my old High school.
But to get to who i was back then, i think we should go a lot farther back....
It started around second grade i suppose, you see I had been diagnosed with both A.D.D and a mild case of Tourette's syndrome. I didn't really know what it meant until 2nd grade, but by then I knew exactly what it meant. For the rest of my life i would be seen as a lesser person, or quite frankly I was doomed to never be normal.
Well that's how i saw it, and for awhile i tried to ignore it. But what drove me off the edge was the school i went to. The whispers and snickers, the lunches sitting alone, the consent feeling of being let down by yourself. It made me sick.
As 4th grade reared it's head i knew i had to do something, I knew that by 7th grade i would no longer be in that school, i would no longer be that odd kid as long as i did something. So i did what i could at that time, I made an alter ego. Now i know what your thinking... "A alter ego at 4th grade?!" But that is only as i see it now. I worked long and hard trying to perfect my ability to control my random outbursts and fits of crying. I wanted to become normal so badly that it drove my insane, so insane that i became sane.
By 7th grade i had achieved my goal. I had a medium sized group of friends and my grades, well they surprised even me. I was top of my class. I soon saw myself as higher then the common man, If I had conquered a mental disease then had i not accomplished more in my short life then the other people around me. The one's that used to mock me were now to me, lesser!
This continued up until about my 10th grade year, I realized that as much as I wanted to ignore it i couldn't. I still had the other side of me. Like a old teddy bear in a closet my still diseases were there only hidden, waiting to be let out. My High school years became an almost hellish experience, a constant sway of my old self and my alter ego, clashing for dominance. Sometimes when I laid down to go to sleep I argued with myself over the days events, not any serious arguments that would make me out to be crazy. Just simple talking, it was as if my old self had matured with me, then i realized it.
It was my last year of high school, i had kept a few close friends but the majority had left do to my almost bipolar characteristics. I was no longer the best of the best but simply one of them, turns out a lot of smart people are crazier then me, to an extent. I had a job, I was in the boy scouts, (Eagle scout) and i had realized, my two alter ego's were not different but one in the same. I had been wagging a war with myself for so long that i hadn't realized that every moment in out lives changed us, some were small changes and some were big. Either for the better or worse each moment was a defining point where we became something that we weren't a moment ago. So in essence my two selves became one. I still argue with myself from time to time to keep the silence away. But at least i can call myself....... Normal.
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