Well I grew up in the church. God was the only thing that I knew about at my age. I grew up with people making fun of me and it became part of my life. As I got into JR High. I started realizing sexual stuff pleasing and I started getting into it more and more. Well I didn't really care what God had to do with my life. I literally said to one of my friends "I don't care what God has for my life. This is my life and I will lead it the way I want to lead it." Well that was my first mistake. As I got into my second year of Jr High I started getting caught into more and more sinful things. And as I got into high school it just got worst, I had always sucked at relationships. I don't know why, but I just do. I met this one girl and we liked each other. We broke up in a week. Another girl. Broke up in a week. I broke up with every single girl in a week flat. I don't know why. I just felt like I wasn't supposed to go out with them. Well then I met this one girl. She was the girl I went out with for a long time. About 6 months. I broke up with her cause I felt like she wasn't who I was going to marry. I have always had a on and off relation ship with God, but I never really had a strong one with him. I started getting interested in church more and stuff. Well, I went to this church camp and I had a lot of fun. We worked with homeless people and we had a blast. Well the last night of the camp, I was in the service. And I started bursting into tears. Uncontrollably. I don't know why. Even now thinking about the pain that I had gone through with having to break up with those girls kills me because I never wanted to hurt those girls. Just to be with soemone and I started feeling I was never going to be with a girl. Well I was bursting into tears the last night of the camp and I couldn't stop. They had a huge communion thing where we just prayed and praised God and... Let me tell you. I have never felt God more than in a huge prayer meeting. It's the most amazing spiritual feeling a person could feel as a new Christian. I wish that I could have that prayer meeting everysingle day of my life. Well we broke into small groups and I was silent through the whole thing. The leader asked if I was okay. It was pouring down Niagara falls at the time. And I just started bursting into tears again. I couldn't stop and I just buried myself into the guy. I was destroyed on the inside. I felt like my insides had been crushed and I would never feel whole again. I talked to the guy and I started asking God to heal me and accepted him into my life for the second time in my life. (The first was when I was younger). Well Through the year when I left that camp I got back into my struggles. And I went back to the same camp this year. And instead of waiting to cry the very last night of the camp I decided I'll cry the first night. I cried through Every. Single. Service that week. Not even kidding. I was so broken because I had fallen back away from God into a life that I didn't want. And I hated it. I keep recommitting myself to God but I don't have to. There was this guy named David. And he was after the Heart of God just like I am. But he failed. First with Bathsheba. And then by killing her husband. But yet he was still after Gods heart. Sure what he did was wrong, but he still was destroyed mentally because of what he did. I am the same way. I'm still a virgin. But I feel destroyed on the inside because the things of this world are trying to hold me away from God and I am trying not to let them control me.
One verse that I have always remembered is 1 Corinthians 10:13 "For no temptation has overcome you which is uncommon to man. But GOD is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted far greater then what you can bare. And with every temptation he will also provide a way of escape."
Because of that verse I have realized that I always have a way out. That nothing can hold me back from God except myself. Remember all those stars saying, 'Your your worst enemy?' Well that's the same with me. My worst enemy is myself. And I can't let it hold me back from God anymore.
I'm going to start posting 1 devotional a week or month depending on my money and Gold. I will not be taking donations because I am not going to give the impression that I am stealing your money. I am going to get most of it from ZOMG and other games to get it. I hope that my testimony has been an inspiration to you and that you will continue to read my forums.
- Title: What it's like for Me.
- Artist: flamingriku001
This is a story of what has happened in my life concerning my fight with pornography and struggling with sinful desires. Through my life I have struggle with staying close to God. And this story shows you what I'ts been like for me.
- Date: 07/10/2011
- Tags: like teenage
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