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Pulled Apart
the night falls with a silent sigh, lost are we.
the emotion for which you sacrifice yourself
flares once, then dies,
swept away by your obsession.
all hope must not endure.
your heart beats no more.
how could you abandon me?
lost souls surround us, crying,
we have lost our way.
- by cute miley64 |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 07/29/2008 |
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- Title: Pulled Apart
- Artist: cute miley64
- Description: death poem
- Date: 07/29/2008
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Comments (3 Comments)
- Sylvia531 - 06/07/2009
- when i read it itz like ur talkin about 2 things.in the begining itz like it sounds like he/she sacraficed something 4 u and at the end itz like a betrayal.u should put another line at the last paragraph.u should make the sentences match more.itz good becuz u put good words in it.^-^i would give it a 3.89
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- XxAllFallDownxX - 07/29/2008
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Good topic and message, but this is a pattern poem, am I correct? If the first paragraph has five lines, shouldn't the second? Two more things, "How could you abandon me?" that could be more.... Thought through... How about :Why can you abandon me:, it makes more sense if it's like, two friends and one dies, because personally I'd be a bit upset and very angry. It would mean, how? how can she/he just leave me like that?
And the title needs to be changed, its to simple - Report As Spam
- DooDy_Loc - 07/29/2008
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boring... - Report As Spam
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