Thinking

• Artist: ArtVamp_Reject
• Description: ...
• Date: 09/26/2008
• Tags: thinking

Contemplating.
Processing.
Wondering.
Opening my mind to open up the door.
Learning.
Growing.
Seeing.
And now finally BELIEVING, that not ALL looks are decieving.
I'll try again once more, this time SHUTTING my open door.
Thinking I've learned all there IS to learn:
I close my mind, seal it tight.
But soon I find, you'll never learn everything QUIET in time.
On NO....
My time, is UP.
My final BELL.
Now a story I have to tell:
The one thing I REGRET like hell?
Giving up finding my wings.
Not TRYING to learn everything.
And here on my death bed,I now lie.
Feeling shameful,ask me WHY.
At the thought of EVER closing my mind.
I grab my young man's hand before I pass away.
"Son, don't ever STOP trying to learn", I say.
With tears rolling down our face;
We both smile, wishing I could stay.
As I slowly fade away.

Comments

[Phoenix OrDinni]

1.) I love your rhythm in the piece. It is easy to see how this would be performed.
2.) There are a few convention errors that could be fixed in a next draft.
3.) As I say for many people, when you go to make a next writing, formulate what you're trying to tell us in this piece and rebuild the poem around that. It is difficult to see what you are trying to say. You go from thinking to leaving a son, link these ideas.
4.) Your imagery is well implemented.