• Everyone has two sides.
    Whether they like to admit to it or not.
    There's no denying it,
    No hiding it.
    The sooner we accept it, the better off we'll be.

    I am no different.
    I am a man of two sides.
    The side who enjoys life
    And happiness
    And the feeling that I belong in the world.
    The optomist.

    Then there's the side no one but me knows.
    The side I'm scared to show.
    The hate
    The bitterness
    The masochist.

    The masochist is jealous.
    He is bitter.
    He is mean.
    He won't let me smile
    I'm never good enough,
    Never happy.
    Never satisfied.
    Never content.
    Because that side won't let me.


    Maybe...Maybe I like it.

    Maybe I like never feeling joy.
    I live for the moments when things go wrong.
    I love the chaos of my emotions.
    I thrive on the anarchy in my heart.

    I like being my own worst enemy.
    My biggest fear.
    The nightmare that wakes me up at night.

    I intentionally set my goals too high.
    Knowing I'll never reach them.
    I aim for the stars
    But relish the fall to the lowest valley.

    I see the world around me through a veil.
    A veil of doubt.
    Of darkness.
    Of defeat.

    If I become too close to someone
    Friends, family, lovers.
    I remove myself from all positive feelings.
    I stay in my own personal exile.

    I tell myself I'll never be happy.
    I tell myself I'll never be loved.
    I tell myself I'll never be content.


    I break my own heart.
    I crust my own spirit
    I lower my own self-esteem.
    I destroy my own hopes.

    I am the masochist of the most dangerous kind.
    The torture takes place inside,
    Where no one can see.
    No one can help me
    But myself.
    Everyone has two sides.
    I am the masochist.