• Protecting…
    Who?
    I can’t remember.

    All I know is
    I can’t afford to leave.
    I want to stay.

    Falling,
    I think?
    There’s a light.

    No, not a light.
    I think it’s…
    but it can’t be
    my center of being.

    Not this mangled heap.
    This is all wrong.
    What has happened?

    I was once whole.
    Before, it resembled
    a perfect tear-drop, crystalline and pure.
    It held everything I stood for
    my love.
    my joy.

    Now what lies before me
    is a sick perversion
    of what I once was.
    of what I am.
    At least, I think?

    This gnarled heap
    all twisted, knotted, and broken,
    can’t be what I now am.
    This should not be.

    I have to
    make this right again.

    But how?
    Can it even be fixed?
    Can I do this alone?
    Who would want to help me?

    I’ve hurt the one who could help me.
    They wouldn’t want to help.
    Not after what I did.

    I can do this.
    I need to do this.

    Who am I trying to fool?
    I can do nothing but
    hurt those who love me.
    betray myself.
    ruin all that I love.

    What’s the point?
    This can’t save anyone.
    Not even myself.

    Returning
    just returning.

    I’ve come back to
    my personal hell.
    my deserved abandonment.

    She approaches me,
    I can’t help it.
    I have to know
    the depth of my betrayal.

    How can she stand
    my presence?

    She approaches and stops.
    Staring.
    She tears up,
    I hesitate.

    She leans into my shoulder,
    weighing down
    my body and soul.

    She lets loose.
    Cascading
    tears,
    dreams,
    confusion.

    I drink it in,
    take it all on my shoulders.
    Add it to my confusion.

    I will make it my new burden.
    Will you give it to me?
    I will make you better.

    Allow me this shame,
    for all those you denied me before.

    Allow me to
    steal your pain.

    Allow me to
    correct my mistakes.