It’s so hard to believe that
I’m loosing you after all of these years…
It’s too hard to believe that we have
to separate after everything we have gone through…
Can you believe this? Can you believe that these days will be
the last time we have together…
the last days I have the privilege of calling you mine…
Do you remember the day I found you?
When I was so alone and cold, walking around so lost?
I remember seeing you, so calm and caring,
that I ran up to you. Something made me feel like I’ve
seen you before, that I’ve been around you before.
You looked down at me and,
after seeing my eyes warm from such cold tears,
held onto me, protecting me.
You felt so warm, so welcoming, I felt so happy
that I couldn’t stop the tears that I had been holding back.
Each one dropped onto your shoulder,
each teardrop bringing your own to tears.
You hold onto me so much tighter with each drop that you felt.
For once, I felt so warm in my life,
and I felt so safe to finally be in somebody’s arms for once…
Those first few days, we were inseparable.
I never strayed far from you, I feared feeling cold again.
You made me feel needed for once,
you helped me with finding something that’ll keep me going,
something that gave me motivation to move on.
You helped me…find something that gave me hope,
a flickering flame in this cold world, and a reason to live…
We went through so much over the last few years…
a lot of great moments, and too many sad moments…
Has it really only been a few years?
Those memories from then feel like such a long time ago…
I still remember each one we had… do you remember them?
Do you remember those times we had together,
and all of the intense emotions that we felt?
…Do you remember the time
when we decided to make that promise?
That day… when I swore to you that
I would repay you for what you did…
for bringing me away from the cold world.
I was in your debt so much,
and I still am in your debt…
I remember telling you that
I was ready to risk all I that I could,
and more than I had, just to repay you…
… And I always have been risking it all for you.
The beginning, when I first tried to pay you back,
it’s all still fresh in my mind.
I fell so many times, and I cried so much afterwards, but…
you watched me every second from the side,
smiling with such a unique contentment,
such an overwhelming happiness,
that I couldn’t help but smile with you,
even if I had to force myself to smile…
The year went by, I tried again,
so much harder than the first time,
and I had gotten so much closer to paying you back…
so much closer to finally being able to
show you how grateful I am, but…
I couldn’t do it again.
I fell on my knees,
I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks,
but you were already by my side
putting me in your warm arms
and pressing my head against your shoulder.
But, that time, I wept so much harder,
but not from being unable to pay you back, but…
from realizing that my best wasn’t good enough again…
but with your tears joining my own,
I shook away that thought, that… truth,
and I promised myself that I would do it next year,
that you would receive what you deserve more
Than anything else, and, with that on my mind,
I got back on my feet and moved forward.
I readied myself for that day to the point
where my body constantly ached.
I was constantly punishing myself
for not being able to properly thank you,
and… I know you must’ve been in pain
from seeing me in that condition.
I know you were fine just knowing
that I was grateful, but…
you deserve being shown somebody’s gratitude, that’s why…
That’s why I try to exceed far beyond my limit,
just to thank you for what you’ve done…
The year had passed by us and that day came,
I was out there while you watched from the side,
but… this time, It was different…
as I tried my best, tears were already flowing off my face,
I was already sure of what was going to happen,
but I went against the will of my body.
I followed nothing more than
the desires of my heart and looked forward,
not daring to look and see the tears in your eyes.
When I failed to do it again,
I wasn’t sure what came over me…
My body couldn’t stop trembling
and my tears found no resistance
as they crept out of me.
You were there as well,
but I could feel your comforting arms shake,
and feel you breathing…
It had taken me that long to truly realize
how much pain you were going through,
and for once, I finally held onto you,
allowing you to feel the warmth from my faltering flame.
… I guess you would remember all of that…
I’m sorry for causing you so much pain over the years.
But, until I have to, I… refuse to give up.
I’m sorry if this still brings you pain, but…
I want… no, I desire to repay you
for what you’ve done for me,
even if it means destroying my body once more.
I hope you can understand why I am doing this,
I know you do, so I only ask you to watch me one more time…
I…guess after this time, this will be it…
this will be the last time I will see you before
I lose you to the forces of fate…
You mean so much to me, but there is nothing
I can do to stop this from happening…
I’m sorry that I’m no use, but…
I promise you that I’ll repay you for your life saving actions,
one way or another…
But, now, there is little I could ask you to do,
but the only thing I can say is…
Let’s give it one more push…
- Title: Goodbye...
- Artist: Stranger in the Desert
- Description: Part one of "Dreams" Trilogy I wrote. It's about what I had cherished the most... My dream...
- Date: 01/03/2009
- Tags: goodbye