• 1/22/09 “Emo Part 2-I’d Say” By: Brandon K. McLemore

    They ask if I’m sad, I say I don’t know anymore.
    They ask if I wanna talk I say it will only bring up more pain and start new pain.
    They ask if I’m emo I’d say what I always say to everyone who asks this of me…
    I’d say I’ve locked my mind up shut tight, I’m drowning in the pain. Is there anybody out there, I can see her in my nightmares. I’m trying to get away from all those problems and people who create them. I’m lost in the nothingness that’s deep inside of me. I need to let go of all the pain of everyone I left behind. I need to find the something that makes feel something wanted to feel something kind. It feels like no ones home, never opening the door. Wanting to find something more, laying in sorrow I am alone. Sometimes I fall in what I did, in the memories of everything I ever had. I try to stand up only to fall back down in shame. I can’t believe how much I bled for all of them. I took a chance with them only to have been sucked into there black sun; like a pit of despair. I was watching everyone walking by me as I realize that my fate in life is an uncertain one. Those who are unfaithful speak nothing of lies to me. Those who are true to me don’t answer me when spoken to. Why can’t I leave this pain behind and just go to some other place in time that doesn’t hurt as much. Walking around tonight knowing that there was no hope…no hope of life ever changing. Now while I think of them I know that I’m fading in there memories as time passes by. How long I’ve wanted to die, at the end of the day I will sigh. Sigh from the realization of how far I fell from all that was great about me. I’m a hollow boy feeling incomplete believing in nothing, want to be something. No one will look up at me and shout out my name. Nothing to fight not even a little light seen in sight. Is this hell or am I just walking the road leading to it. I tried to be the one that everyone wanted me to be. She tried to take me but first I have to be set free. I don’t know why I feel this, maybe it’s because they left me alone with my fate. Now I’m in my room crying to myself on hollow nights. Blood drips down my arms every night. Oh how it takes out my pain even though it hurts it feels good. One cut for every mistake I made. My shadow is darker than it used tio be. One shadow for every girl that I truly loved. Me and my shadow walk side by side in the dark and in the light. But I guess I’m my own worst enemy in the end. I still love to watch the blood dripping down my fingers onto the floor. I count the drops each time, so far it totals 6,837. Each drop for each time I was hurt by emotions. I wake up in the middle of the night crying out my eyes with tears. I dreamed of my once loved ones screaming in pain while being tortured. I don’t know why I dream of this pain, maybe it’s created from my daily pain that keeps me silent in class. Now every time I’m afraid of closing my eyes. I’m afraid of crying and screaming and showing my feelings to them. Is this nightmare my reality? I’m scared of love, I don’t want it to beat me down and hurt me…like last time. I am emotional cause that’s how they made me. Their actions caused me to feel empty and…scared inside. So when they ask if I’m emo I’d say this.