the life that never was

• Artist: xx_tacb_xx
• Description: sounds kinda like man who sold the world, not in a plageristic way, but the chords are similar, more of my stuff is on mah pro
• Date: 03/12/2009
• Tags: life never

the flame died out now im in the dark, i thought i had it all, but i really had nothing, but it no longer burdens me, i lost all feel, long time ago, i dont remember where i am or if i ever knew, i dont know what to do, but i love you,

then last night i gazed up in the blackend sky and relize i must of died, died long ago, the life i never lived the life that never was,

if im not living, them what am i? the ghost of a former past of what i once was? i dont know, ill never, ever know

then one day i found a grave with what i though to be mt name, and you were there, tears running down your cheeks, when did i die?, how long ago, and if i could of cried, i would of, id cry the rest of my morbid existance

Comments

[xx_tacb_xx]

thanks for the input

[rocko11091]

Concept: 4/5
Style: 4/5
Flow: 3/5
Figurative language/Imagery: 3/5
Overall: 3.5/5 (4)
...nicely done, adhere to my suggestions it this poem will be substantially better....

[rocko11091]

*nods slowly* I like what I see....could use a bit of work though....Concept is great...i like the metaphysical thought...grammar/mechanics/spelling is a bit off here and there (slight point reduction)....might want to run it through spell check....figurative language is not used too much....include more...flows well, could be better though...style is nice, though i prefer more conventional poetry style, thats about it...
rating on next comment...

[ShadowTrevi]

whoa ur truely poetic that was so beautiful *tears of joy*