• 5/13/09 “Shattered Heart” By: Brandon K. McLemore

    This can’t be me, not this reflection I see before me. I will always ******** up my life from my own strife. I can’t rely on anyone no not even myself. Faced with these lies I put away my emotions and heart on my shelf. What have I done to you, no it’s not going my way. Nothing will keep this from me, no longer can you stay. Isolate this broken down heart, the one without a reason, a reason to live. You can’t reach out to my soul; your hands turn scared and bloody from y skin. Everything is left behind now; I take only my mind and body with me. I don’t fit in, I wanted to feel something safe. Nothing is real, all is what I let go I still feel though…feel the pain from all the cruel words and scars and it eats me always. I’m hallowed to death; I’ve got nothing more to say. On my sorrowful floor I lay, is this fee mine, and is this what I pay? All the pain that you force on me, you’ve got darkened intentions and that's what you use. Using love to destroy me from the truth, the truth should set me free. But instead it brought me down to my knees. No one came to my side, becoming what I deny. I don’t understand it, I lived a lie, thought everything is alright and nothing could go wrong. Barely holding on to this life, barely breathing as I fall and sacrifice. The dead inside, the sacrifice, its suicide. Give me a reason to fight this fear, no one comes as I fall deep…into my own despair. Nobody wants nobody wants nobody cares anymore. You can’t say anything to me, no one else wanted more, you push it over to the dark side. You save your self as you turn and walk away. This fear is torture in my eyes, you force out the light and tear it from me. I try to crawl into the light. Still you hurt me, playing your game, torture in your eyes, and bloodlust running through your mind. Feel me heart as it shatters, I soul can’t find peace on my own. Disregarding all that was e now shaken and fallen to the ground. No one understands me, trying to forget but always remember. Burning on the outside and screaming on the inside still hearing everyone’s lies. My past always haunts me, creeping up when it begins to fade. I feel this gravity as pulls us down, sinking down with the souls of the always and forever ending day. End this suffering end this endless abomination that wants to end this boy’s future. Closed eyes but open wounds, terror turning my core to my soul never subsiding. I’ve been pushed up against a wall by my insecurity, you wouldn’t take me away. I’ve hurt a million times but I still crawl back for ore. No one seems to notice my pain, creating some false hope. All so clear, no dreams only nightmares. Fake a smile hurts more and more, stop talking all together for less pain. Words tremble but I try to hold them steady. With out you I’m nothing I’m by myself I’m no one. Hold it al in, all my crying darkened burning unbearable pain. Making me scream when I sleep, making me cry in my wake. You were on my side once before, now that you gave up I’ve died while death holds me in his grasp so tightly. I can’t expose my inner feelings, they would make you cry and tremble with such horror. I blame them, I blame you for all that had controlled me. I didn’t love you for nothing, never know that these wrists bleed at night. The shadows cover my body, the flaring flames of hell call out to me as voices of comfort. Never know what these eyes see. Never be what you want me to be. No never…no never…no never again. Living but wanted dying, seeking comfort but lost and suffered. Seeing you everyday, it’s hard to believe. Thinking of you always creates…its hard to breathe. Never will I find relief, I was guilty of nothing though perfectly insane. You were there all along, you were there to blame. Comfort and love was all that I asked for. Can’t you tell what you are, can’t tell what to be if what you see isn’t me. I don’t care, broken memories strike like a blade, passing through my head over and over and over. I don’t have a choice anymore anyway, I don’t have a voice anymore anyway. Sitting on my bed head in my hands, words spinning in this head. You ask me what’s wrong, but those echoed words still shatter. There’s no voice in freedom there’s choice in freedom. Freedom is corrupt, my love is taken in vain, spewing tears and blood all over the walls. This feeling of betrayal destroys me. You ask me what wrong, but those echoed words still shatter. I was taken from my home and am wakening all around. Cut inside…beat inside…scared inside…broken inside…in this shattered heart…nothing left inside.