Yours and Yours Alone

• Artist: Kawara Ryuuji
• Description: A poem I wrote awhile back. It was for my old boyfriend. Then again I see love it and it has to be one my favorite poems I've ever written. >w< I love it. I do I do.
  :3
  It's a prose poem....I think XD
• Date: 06/01/2009
• Tags: yours yours alone

If time froze, would you be frozen beside me?
I live in the past, yet I have begun to see the future in your eyes, and the present while in your arms.
I never smiled before I met you.
Always smiling am I now in the hopes that one day you shall be what makes my dreams come true.
They say love is what drives the world to turn, if that is so, then why does my heart pause when you speak.
Why does the earth seem motionless.
My heart is safe by yours, a feeling I've never once felt. If you ever have to pull away from me.
I ask one thing of you. Be the one to lay me down. Be the last one I see.
For now my love, I know, We share one heart, one breath, one life. One love

Comments

[b00_2]

The lines don't flow.
It goes from short to long to short to long to long and so on.
And like Alitare said, it's kind of cliche.

[Cottoncandyocbra3]

For the overall theme, it is well written. I found the imagery to be a bit too sparse for my liking, and the overall theme( love devoted, etc.) to be rather cliche. The way it is written is very strong, but the word choice and flow seems rather weak. A good poetic beginning. 3/5, if these pathetic numbers mean anything to you.