Path of Millions

• Artist: fuglyfluke
• Description: I wrote this in fifth grade one night when I couldn't fall asleep. I really haven't written since then but I thought why not get others' feedback.
  Please comment your honest opinions ^_^v
• Date: 06/05/2009
• Tags: path millions

I walk my path with millions, to a place I’ve always known,
Where everything is nothing, and the air is oh so cold,
Birds are never chipping, the sky is never clear,
Where my heart is never settled but forever’s in fear,
I’ve walked this path with millions
And millions have passed me by,
I’ve seen the world in many ways, yet none have ever seemed right.

Comments

[Agorphia]

Don't use "really" to describe how much you've known. Use the word "always" instead. Also, don't use the phrase "oh so ___." It's just filler. Find stronger words. The poem doesn't sound finished when you say "seemed right." Say "have seen so right" instead.
I like the idea and the theme. :3 4/5