• I am the terror that flaps in the night.
    I am the batteries that are not included.
    I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am...
    I am the headache in the criminal mind.
    I am the raspberry seed you can't floss out.
    I am the fingernail that scrapes the blackboard of your soul.
    I am the scourge that pecks at your nightmares.
    I am the onion that stings in your eye.
    I am the special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show.
    I am the hairball that clogs your drains.
    I am the low ratings that cancel your program.
    I am the auditor that wants to look at your books.
    I am the slug that slimes your Begonias.
    I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair.
    I am the itch you cannot reach.
    I am the smoke that smokes Smoked Oysters.
    I am the termite that devours your floorboards.
    I am the jailer who throws away the key.
    I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks.
    I am... obviously out of my trademark blue smoke.
    I am the surprise in your cereal box...