• falling into a pool of blue
    is going under
    but can't come up
    for air
    to breath

    peaceful here
    no one screaming,
    no one crying
    no one hatting,
    no one hitting
    no love
    no heaven
    no hell
    just neutral
    and just how i like it

    beautiful and fragile
    i want to stay here forever
    in this beauty
    this place
    where no harm is done
    no one suffers

    suddenly i feel a sharp pain
    than i gasp
    all the air is gone
    everything starts to blacken

    but at the last second a gust of wind fills my lungs,again
    and the voices that i think are inside my head
    are becoming clearer
    less hazy
    everything starts to lighten

    than i hear her
    soft,yet harsh
    it's mother

    i gasp and cough some more
    slowly i awaken from my deep slumber
    eyes fluttering open
    that's when i see my mother
    feeling like the first time

    she looks concerned,terrified of what her only loving daughter has become
    a druggie
    an abuser
    a totally insane depressed stranger

    someone is next to her
    a nurse?
    a doctor?
    a hero?
    I don't know
    and don't care
    i want to leave
    and start to go
    put my head rushes and i fall down
    i am confused
    and everything goes black,again

    wake up in a bed,not mine
    a room,that well is not mine either
    and an annoying beeping sound
    oh great i am at a hospital

    two days later i go home
    not a word said between my mother and I
    i know what she is thinking
    "who is this person by me,looks like my daughter,but cannot be?"

    I know who this person is
    she is a druggie
    an abuser
    a totally insane depressed stranger,,,,,,