Love is Shame

• Artist: Dragons Willow
• Description: i think this poem and its intensity will speak for itself. please note that all punctuation, or lack thereof, has been done on purpose for the sake of delivery and/or emotion of the poem. thanks!
  
  i'd still love to hear from whoever reads it tho, so please leave a comment and tell me what you think of it, how it makes you feel.
  
  READ ON!
• Date: 10/13/2009
• Tags: love shame

"Love is Shame"


i'll cry because i want to

and you cant stop the tears

i'll cry because its all i can do

to stave away my fears

rejection

acceptance

there's just no predicting

the reason my heart's ticking

i know that its just me

who frolics in hopeless fantasy

but why should i be left to dream?

i'll just build it up into a frenzy

and with a horrific blow be torn down

i think my love for you is growing-

no! i can't think that! i'm so wrong...

i'm so wrong...

just a friend, a friend, friend....

that's all

no more

no less

but...

i wish more...so much more...

but...but...

i tear and sigh

and sigh some more

i want to tell so badly

what i feel

but your so far

i want you near

but now's not the time

i can tell

there's school and work and life...

life....it seems so dull

but lights me up when you are near...

i'm crying again

crying again

again....

i cant seem to stop

but i will

for you, i will

until you say so first

i won't say a word...


~END~

Comments

[iiLoKii]

CLUTTERED

[Dragons Willow]

it's meant to b raw. but...but i always appreciate a good critique. =_= i need a spoonful of sugar now. please know that most of mine do get revisions...quite a few sometimes! but this one and another called Foe Swine are raw due to the raw feelings behind them. they aren't meant to be thought about, which is one of the things i like about yours, but to just be felt. thanks tho for your comments. and i enjoy this bit of debate! 4laugh

[TheKhamaseen]

oh... I thought you were familiar... well, I stick by my first comment. but I do think your other poem was pretty decent. And I'd like to add to my previous comments, NO RHYMING! that is the most sinful way to deface your writing. and also- revision don't mean you write poorly, it simply makes your writing better. after reading your other poem, I'm certain you could improve this one.

As a final note- when someone bitches you out, don't be afraid to come back with some smart-a** remarks.

[Dragons Willow]

the reason for being so devoid of symbolism, metaphor, and pretty words is because it is very real to me. this is how i feel, directly from my heart. therefore, i AM involved in it, all thru it! this is me. this is how i write. but i do thank you for your critique. please read my other submissions before dismissing my work due to painfully limited vocabulary. thanks! 4laugh

[TheKhamaseen]

It made me feel very sad...
because your vocabulary is so painfully limited. and you don't know how to express tears via metaphor. really, No tears may be directly spoken of. you must rewrite this without saying 'but i want more' or any form of that statment. that's the job of subtext. don't be austire but Don't involve yourself in the emotional aspect of the poem so much.