Guard

• Artist: l-Phagnomenal-l
• Description: please rate and comment thank you :D
• Date: 05/07/2010
• Tags: guard

his chest rose and fell
in perfect measure
the sudden urge to stand and yell
she was his only treasure

time slows with every tick
he dies a little, watching the clock
breathing in air, so thick
waiting for the tock

thoughts run through a tired mind
knowing he cant stay here
beyonde that door what will he find
a sky with out a single tear?

"i used them all" he thinks
pavement hits him hard
the wise old man winks
no longer needing a guard

Comments

[Infinity J Aligheri]

I don't completely understand the concept of it. The rhyming was ok but you should challenge yourself to have different words that sounds the same not ones that just look the same. I think thats what really made it confusing. You tried too hard to rhyme and it didn't really work

[l-Phagnomenal-l]

is that a good thing?

[Karren Komako]

Wow, I like it. It seems very insightful