oh brother where are you?

• Artist: critic-the-homeless
• Description: IM BACK ON GAIA AND WITH A NEW SONG.
  
  This is about a guy who committed a bad crime and is stuck in a mental prison "by himself". this i can relate to in my mind.
  
  When he sings, "oh brother where are you", he is searching for his family, and when he says, "Praying to a church," he is praying to god to forgive him for his sins.
• Date: 06/09/2010
• Tags: brother where

OH brother where are you?
Im stuck in this hell,
Oh brother where are you
im stuck in this cell

Left for the better worse
and thats my best excuse

Oh brother where are you
Im stuck by myself,
Ive been left for hell
yes ive been there

Left for the bettter worse,
and thats my best excuse,
oh brother where are you,
i have a prayer for the chruch

Oh borhter where are you
Im stuck in this hell
oh brother where are you
im stuck in this cell

Oh brother where are you,
im stuck by myself

Comments

[Atheshya]

Okay, are you rhyming or not rhyming here? The chorus has rhymes (assuming the hell/cell thing was put there to rhyme intentionally), but the rest of it doesn't. It seems like sticking with one or the other would work a bit better. And what does 'left for the better worse' mean? It seems like that sentence might be missing a key grammatical word.

[The Heal Ring]

Nice poem and sorry about the mental perosn O_O
oh tell him I said hi smile

[critic-the-homeless]

If u think and look at the story, it has a great strory written into it. im going to make a utube vid to show you how the song sounds.

[SilvertongueSagittarius]

My best advice to fix this is just to open a dictionary and find random words you like. Just interesting words that fit the tone of the song. (There'll b at least one on every other page, I assure you) Then find ways to fit them into the song syllablically and contextually. This is how I write when Im not writing about personaly experience. If you break out the SAT words every once in a while, it can make a big difference. For an example, check out my songs "Idiot" and "Fear."

[SilvertongueSagittarius]

The concept's not bad, but the song isnt great, bro. First, for the first stanza (i would say chorus, but In not sure how you have this formatted) End w/ something different. That "cell" line is weak. Second, The "Left for..." second stanza (again, for lack of better term) is grammatically confusing. That may just be a typo, though. Im not sure.
The next stanza all reads pretty weak.