• People tell me every day...
    Family.
    Friends.
    Neighbors.
    Teachers.
    Even those who I don't know.
    "It will be okay, just give it time."
    Talking about it doesn't help,
    Nothing does.
    I guess it's natural to feel like this,
    To blame myself.
    I know it wasn't my fault,
    I know I shouldn't feel guilty.
    But when ever I tell myself
    It's not my fault she is gone...
    That weight on my shoulders gets heavier.
    What doesn't make sense is
    When I tell myself
    It is all. my. fault.
    That weight still grows.
    I always feel that sharp jab in my chest;
    It's as if I'm punishing myself for telling the
    Truth and
    Lying
    At the same time.
    I have no where to turn right now,
    And I don't know what to do.
    They tell me it will take
    Time.
    But how much
    Time
    will it take?
    It's been over a month now,
    And I'm in worse shape as ever.
    I said goodbye at the funeral,
    But I still feel like that isn't enough.
    What is enough for Her to let me go?
    What is enough for me to let Her go?
    What can I give Her, now that she is
    Gone?
    Her passing stole from me what I always
    Fought to protect:
    My Love.
    Her memories flood through my eyes
    And into my dreams.
    Those final moments,
    The finish to the Great Race we call
    Life.
    I always see the same thing:
    A red plastic cup filled with beer.
    And then a quick glance through the clouds at the
    Stars.
    I can almost feel my stomach drop as She did.
    I can almost smell the blood that pooled from Her head.
    I can still see the balcony,
    Three stories up,
    Where She stood.
    When I wake up,
    She dies.
    That is how it has been,
    And that is how it always will be.
    So She gives me these unwelcome
    Gifts
    That bring me to tears every day.
    I still cling to them,
    Knowing it's all I have left of Her.
    She gives them to me as a reminder;
    She is mine,
    I am Her's.
    Always best friends.
    It isn't fair how She delivers these things to me,
    And I sit here and do nothing in
    Return.
    So now I give Her my memory,
    Because she gave me Her's.
    I give her these emotions:
    Broken,
    Lost,
    Confused,
    Angry.
    I give Her these
    Tears
    That stream down my cheeks every day.
    I give Her everything that I am now.
    If only I could give
    Her
    Something better.