• My husband, he’s the odd man out
    When young, they called him fool
    He asked about the obvious
    As stubborn as a mule

    They thought him slow, they thought him dim
    They did not think him brave
    For though he knew not what fear was
    He never could behave!

    His brother, the town’s golden boy
    Wanted to teach him truth
    He’d dress up like a ghost, and then
    Jump out to scare the youth!

    He was surprised, but never scared
    My to-be love lashed out
    His brother tumbled down the stairs
    His leg no longer stout

    That gentle boy was cast away
    He journeyed far and wide
    He asked the owner of an inn
    Where he could find a guide.

    He wanted to find shiver-mes
    The heebie jeebies, too.
    There was a challenge the king set
    The keeper thought might do.

    Three nights in castle plagued with ghouls
    Bringing along three things
    The winner’d get a princess fair
    And castle’s gold and rings

    A fire, lathe, and cutting board
    Including, too, the knife
    That’s what that fearless, handsome lad
    Used to make me his wife!

    The first night, voices moaned of cold
    The young man called them dumb
    He had a nice warm fire set
    If only they would come

    Two cats lept out, as black as sin
    And asked him for a game
    He tricked them to the cutting board
    Then used his knife to maim

    The room filled up with cats and dogs
    He fought off every one
    When morning came he was unharmed
    He had the first night won!

    The second night brought half a man
    The boy was not afraid
    He called up for the second half
    And gave it to the shade

    More dead men came, but did not fight
    They wanted just to bowl
    He took his lathe and carved their skulls
    So they would better roll

    They bowled all night with dead men’s legs
    The boy had so much fun
    When morning came, he was still there
    The second night was won!

    On the last night he heard a noise
    Men brought a coffin in
    The youth, distraught, warmed the corpse up
    It looked like his cousin

    The carcass woke, it was confused
    And tried to choke the lad
    He closed it up inside it’s box
    The coffin rocked like mad

    The boy sat down atop the lid
    He did not let it up
    The dead thing yelled and vowed to him
    Upon his bones it’d sup

    Finally it gave and made a deal
    It’d lead him to the gold
    The boy agreed and lept aside
    The corpse did as it told.

    A richer man, but still not scared
    He waited for the sun
    The morning came and he emerged
    The king’s challenge was one!

    My husband now, of thirty years
    He longs for shivers still
    I love him dear, but I won’t lie
    I’m sick of the same drill

    If you’ll excuse me for a bit
    My husband is in bed
    I have a glass of ice water
    To pour upon his head!