• Am I Lost at Sea?

    Am I lost at sea? In the sea of my mind. Floating in my imagination, swimming in my emotions, drowning in my sanity. Let my sanity consume me; let the fear of losing this ocean of mine drift to the surface. Let it be so close to my skull that it fades away, that it falls out of my head. Let this also happen with my troubling memories. I’ve pushed them to the surface, yet they fall back into the current of my head.
    The sea creatures in my oceanic mind are the lessons I have learned. All are different, yet have changed me. Bringing interaction to the open sea. Whales and sharks inhabit my memories. Yet, my imagination stays uninhabited. I am the only one who has seen those clear waters. My conscious mind holds small eggs of unborn sea creatures, yet to be born into lessons. When born they move to my memories. If I am not living the moment, it is in my past. My future is only a symbol; it is just an open sea. Until the moment I have no future, I will never know those mysterious waters.
    Every day, ever second, my memory sea is taking over my future ocean. There is no marker or sign indication a difference in place. My future is not in my head, but a designated place reserved for my future. I believe it to hold the future existence of oceanic lessons.
    I hope to never see land again. I’ve only encountered in my Sanity Ocean. I was losing my sanity. I felt like a fish out of water when there. The place I should feel most at home, felt like swimming in acid. I felt so broken and confused. I was losing a part of me. It was only in that moment, I saw the small island. So inviting, comforting, but I knew what would happen if I venture onto this oasis. I would go crazy inside myself.
    Yes, I’m lost at sea. I hope to never be found. Until the time when my Jungle Heart accepts love and only then is my ocean open. My mind is the only place I can get away. No one can bother or judge me. In a far off sea, I know too well, lives my great enemy, my doubts. Am I smart enough? Am I pretty? Am I good enough? That I don’t know right now, but I’m slowly finding answers to my questions.