• I am a student
    who feels quite deserted
    with a couple of friends,
    but I know I don't belong in the end
    I feel like the joke of the group-
    the idiot who plays the lute.
    I'm not the smartest,
    or that's how it feels.
    I always tell myself 'tis not true
    your friends are real'.

    I put my heart into loyalty,
    Protecting and Supporting.
    I am genuine and real.
    I really do feel
    with every part of my heart.
    I promise I'm not cold
    or purposefully mean
    Just a wounded soldier,
    wary but keen.

    I am the oldest of us three
    Having raised my brothers
    where my parents couldn't be.
    I'm supportive and protective
    pushing them to their best.
    Just in a wierd way
    Because I watched all their steps.
    I became the enemy.
    They did not love me.
    Just as long as they were healthy,
    that was all ok.

    I have a duty to myself,
    more like a voided ego
    that always needs filled.
    I thirst for attention,
    having to be noticed.
    I have to be first
    and must be the best.
    Always needing more.
    Like it's always a test.

    There are some days
    I have fear,
    for everyone else, of course.
    I get so angry
    seeing red hazes.
    My arms tingle with rage,
    my breath is short,
    my voice sounds like gravel.
    With gutteral growls.
    All this for no reason.
    It's hard to stop myself,
    I try really hard,
    I promise,
    I do.