Let's have a rant thread! ~*Stress Relief*~

[berryscary1]

Man... life sure has a way of biting you in the a**. It seems the nicer you are, the more your just going to get taken advantage of. I have recently learned that the comedian Dane Cook is right. Girls are mental terrorists, and there is no way for guys to win... 99% of the time. Everythings going good in my life, and then WHAM, somebody knocks on your door, and this somebody is'nt exactly bringing tidings of gifts. Long story short, never seeing the girl again.
heart == burning_eyes  

[t0shi0]

Hey.
I'm offended by that.
D:

You men are no better.  

[mymiridon]

@berry: have you ever thought that maybe it's not because girls are "mental terrorist"? But more because boys are incredibly slow and just can't keep up?

@t0sh: here t0sh, you looked like you want this. *hands her a giant chainsaw*  

[Tokioka]

@berry: Ahh, that's a shame. Did the relationship not end on good terms?

@yalie: Well most of the time, I'd say boys are easier to read. Girls really are from a different planet when it comes to us guys - we're oblivious most of the time. rolleyes  

[Chibito7]

It's been ages since I posted here. Hm. But I need to rant. Or rather, whine?

I want to cry. A lot. I'm in one of those moods where I just want to curl up in a ball, sit in the corner, and cry my heart out until I feel better. But I cna't. I'm sad, but I'm not upset. I can't cry without something stimulating me to cry. I haven't argued with my parents, or my brother, or my friends. I'm just empty and tired and scared and I want to cry but I can't.

I'm sorry, this is going to be a depressing sort of rant. Sorry. redface

I don't even know what has put me in this mood. Well, I know the main reason: I start school tomorrow. I've done none of the holiday work - partially because I procrastinated again and also since I never wrote it down I don't know what it is, and I have shitty classmates who won't text me back - and I'm so scared of being bollocked and I don't wanna bloody go. I don't want to see those teachers whom I felt I disappointed in my exams and then didn't do my homework. I don't want to be flung into stress. I don't want to handle Lucy, who I hate seeing nowadays but I can't get rid of her. I don't want to see my classmates because they're all bitches behind their nice-nice smiles. I don't want bitching and backstabbing and a load of bollocks that comes with all girls' schools - a posh one at that. I just don't want to go back to school. I want to get out of here.

My dad still harbours a ridiculous hope for me to go to Manchester University. What doesn't he understand of me wanting to leave? It's not just to do with the fact I can't stand he stalks my every movement. It's also because I need to learn to stand on my own two feet. I want to learn it now, I want to suffer that pain and loneliness now, and come out stonger in the long run. But no, he says by disagreeing with him I am 'disrespecting' him. Bullshit. Quite frankly, it's my life and my decision. Disrespecting you? I've listened to you almost all my life, been obedient, barely broke the rules - I am a bloody goody goody daughter if I must say so myself - and he appreciates me being like this by saying I disrespect him because I want to leave Manchester. Forgive me for shouting, but Christ, is that too much to bloody ask?!

I had to go to a pointless wedding today as well. Where I sat with relatives that despise me without really knowing me and it was basically me sipping gallons of Coke and smiling robotically. It makes me sick, doing it. I want to stop it, I tried to say no to going, but no, my dad wanted me to go because Ken would be unhappy if I didn't go. For once, can my life not be dictated by other people? I'm not five. I'm seventeen, almost eighteen. Give someone an independent thought, for heaven's sake. What's so irritating is dad keeps telling me to stop butting into Ken's business and advising him - e.g. helping him choose a mobile phone, because my brother is so ridiculously indecisive and can't choose anything by himself. But then when he finds Ken difficult to handle and he wants Ken to listen to him, he gets me to go mush him up and convince him. It's just another thing that has really annoyed me recently. Really really really annoyed me.

I think that's really all I can muster without my fingers dying on me. I'm so tired. I'm so scared for school tomorrow. I don't want to think about it. It's all starting again. And crap, I still can't cry.  

[wiim]

It's so HOT in Japan! There was a week and a half of cloudiness, rain, and breeze. Now we've returned to the humid, suffocating, heat!
stressed Thank goodness I have air conditioning indoors.  

[Minielf]

@B&B: Wow, you seem to have a lot problems. And a lot angst probably too. I'm sure many other girls your age experience the same things.

Your dad sure is creepy. Is he worried you won't walk the right career path or he is just obsessed with control and wants to keep you under his iron heels all the time? What does your mother think? Does she agree with your father or is she more lenient. I definitely think you should disobey your father in those respects. He probably still treats you as a stupid little girl who can't make her own decisions, is that right? He sounds like a hypocrite too. Saying that you can't be trusted to live independently yet telling you to look after you brother. BTW, how old is your brother? About the same age or much younger? If he's only a few years younger, then there's no need to babysit him like a child. On the other hand, if the age gap is more than 6 years...well, maybe you do need to watch over him like a babysitter. ninja  

[Tokioka]

lol @ wiim's post. So irrelevant. rofl
And when did you get to japan!? eek Tell me EVERYTHING!!!

@Chibi: Aww, sounds pretty ******** up. *hugs*
Pshht. Holiday work? What's that? Isn't that like an oxymoron or something? razz
Man, you need to quit stressing over these small things like teachers or homework, and look at the bigger picture. Of course, they're still important, but not so important that you'd wanna cry over them.

Like disappointing your teachers. Who cares? You think they haven't been disappointed before? It's not like they're gonna hold a grudge especially against you cos you 'failed' them. And anyways, you're only human, so you're bound to muck up a couple of times throughout life.

If you hate your schoolmates so much, why don't you ask to be transferred somewhere else? You could always go to a college for the 2nd year of A levels, like some people at my old sixth form did. Making friends afresh would be a hassle, but it might be better than sticking with those bitches at your current school.

So your dad, is he adamant that Manchester has to be on your UCAS form? Why don't you just omit it and put in the unis you really wanna go to. I mean, what's he gonna do about it? rolleyes

Hey, we all get those annoying family gathering things. A wedding's alright though, surely? Better food. lol
If you really wanna get out of going, then you've gotta put your foot down and rebel. And if you can't do that then you'll still be attending those events til you've moved out.
Most of the time I'll just go along and do the whole "hello uncle", fake smiles routine and after I've had my fill, leave abruptly. Usually with my brother in tow. When I was your age though, I was more rebellious and would just sleep in, ignore my parents when they tried to wake me up, and miss all the chinese gatherings. xD

Why don't you give me a call some time? I'm pretty free atm, apart from uni work. But after 5-6pm I don't really do much, except chill in my house. With no tv. u_u
Not saying I expect to hear from you but... do it! mad *poke*  

[berryscary1]

@toshio My current state... all girls are evil, your probably plotting on assasinating me right now.

@mymiridon mad In this situation, this girl is seriously a mental terrorist. Her father forced her to do something, and I can't believe she would betray me so. And please don't give Tosh a chainsaw, refer to last post.

@toki No, not on good terms, and your probably right about guys being easier to read. If a guy tries to figure out what a girl is thinking, he is screwed. His mind will eventually blow up.

@chibito Sorry you feel so bad, I'm seventeen right now, and Iv'e pretty much taken my freedom by force. They just can't really do anything to punish me anymore. I work, go to school, some college classes, and have my own car, so I really don't have time for much anything else, that's excluding gaia of course. Always need time for the ICU. I started to not worry so much about what my parents thought about me as much, and just began to be who I really was, and not what they wanted me to be. Ever since I started doing that Iv'e been really happy, with the exception of that friggin girl, but there's nothing I can do about that now.

@wiim Is it a ton of fun over there?  

[Chibito7]

HO THIS IS LONG. xd



@wiim: Wow. You really are a caring uncle. The things I'm missing out on. I envy Tosh so much. ninja

@Toki: ******** up is a great word to describe life, if I must say so meself. xd I haven't changed, have I? I'll always be the same sort of person with the same sort of problems. Forgive me if I become boring to listen to, or if my whining begins to get on your nerves. redface

And yeah, you heard me - holiday work. stressed The transition between AS to A Level has got to the worst ever. We've never had work before - I mean, seriously, who gives a crap? It's the first time I've been worried about returning to school the way I have been recently. It's just going back to stress and continuing a stupid, boring, stressful routine. I don't get tired of things that easily; I thought I'd always love school, seeing my friends and all that. Turns out I was wrong, lol.

I dunno. I'm a people-pleaser. I may have told you that before; I may not have, but I wouldn't be surprised if you'd already noticed. rolleyes I'm like that. It's such an irritating trait. It's another reason why I've been so stressed about exams and unis and course choices. You know my parents always wanted me to do medicine. I felt like I had to please them and live up to their standards and the standards people set around me. Problem is, that just pushed me more and more over the edge of sanity. I don't think I'll ever be able to change this part of me. People-pleasing is awfully ingrained within me. It's like my own feelings don't matter - only other people's do. And that's gotten me in a lot of hurt before. People use me. I'm slowly trying to harden myself into a less friendly person, so I'm less vulnerable, and although I've made some progress, I haven't made enough.

It's not just my classmates I hate. I just hate this routine, this same school system with the same teachers and the same lessons. I want to do something different. I'm probably not ready to go to university in terms of being independent, but in terms of emotional attachment, God, I want to get out of here. And it's not easy to get rid of bitchy classmates. If I go to another private school that's all girls I'll face the same problem, because people are fundamentally the same. If I go to a mixed one I might struggle because it's the last year and I'm already busy as it is with trying to keep my studying on track. And I wouldn't survive in a comp. I'm too used to being accepted - not completely, but I'm not shunned either - to go to a place where I know I can be bullied. I still also have a fear of going to new places too, from back when I first entered high school and had a s**t year because I was so shy. I make friends easier now because I'm not shy any more, but I know there are few people I'd become very, very close to, and everyone has their set friends already, whereas when you go to uni, because everyone is new you automatically try to talk to anyone. Plus, like I said, fundamentally the whole world's the same. I might as well wait it out to uni and then get sick of people there too. I'm a moaner. Bleh.

And yeah, dad is adamant about Manchester. We haven't had the chance to have a convo about it since, but I'm basically steeled to not apply. I'm just upset because of the things he said and accused me of. Even if I rebel, which I will and rarely do, I feel guilty and unhappy because he will just pick a fight out of it. I have to live another year here at least - last thing I want is arguments with him. I wish he'd just let it rest.

Lol. The wedding food is aaaaalways the same. Maybe in Bristol it's different, but man. Plus they always have the food at the weirdest times and I always eat to the fullest and then starve afterwards with lack of my second meal. rolleyes Tbh, I don't mind too much going to those things. But I was in that mood (*points at above post*) when I went, and as you can imagine, I was pissed off. We also turned up in too casual wear, and I wouldn't mind apart from the fact the white-skinned people were like WTF and staring at us like... zoo animals? rolleyes Irritating like hell. Plus we sat with my aunt... Oh dude, I have told you about that childhood incident with my cousin, right? That's his mother. And his sister. His sister who's dating someone four years older than her at thirteen and who couldn't speak a single sentence without sounding like an idiotic dimwit with no brains... Ugh. I like her, but she's turned into a Barbie doll dressed as an emo. stressed She always was my favourite. Not any more...

Basically, I don't mind going. I just hate the fact my dad sort of emotionally blackmailed me into going when I was in a shitty mood. mad Usually I'm so goody-goody and attend every single one. I smile, people comment on HOW MUCH HAVE YOU GROWN and LOOK HOW PRETTY YOU ARE NOW, when 1) I haven't grown in seven years and 2) I am not pretty, so hell, they must be lying their teeth off too. So fake. mad I can't talk, but that fakeness takes it to a whole new level. xd

I would call tonight if I wasn't swamped already. gonk Maybe the weekend. I might forget though... lol. But I will do, since you so desperately want to hear from me. Joke. Maaa. I might not be as depressed, hm? xp

@Mini: I know everyone has a lot of problems. I believe mine are the ones of an average teenage Chinese girl. Hahaha. And it sucks and I'm totally ungrateful and can't see outside the picture. Yup, been through that guilt phase too. In fact, I still go through it. *sigh*

My dad is both - wanted me to do medicine and also wanted to keep me under his 'iron heels'. I think my dad is more the former though, and my mum the latter. My mum's more strict than my dad, but my dad has these ridiculous hopes I really hate. My mum is literally the same as my dad, I'm afraid. Therefore I am always scared of letting them BOTH down. It's even worse, lol. Both of them are hypocrites. I mean, I'm a hypocrite, I'm sure. I just wish they would both see and accept it. We're just so different we always clash. Better now than before, but this uni thing has brought up a load of more trouble. And yes, both of them, especially my dad, likes to treat me like I've five. I don't altogether blame him and hate him for it... I understand I'll always be his little girl and he cares so much for me and I appreciate that. But tbh, there's only so much I can accept. I appreciate he's doing it for my own good, but I want to step my foot out if I think it's time for me to think on my own. It's when I do that he can't understand and we argue...

Ken's thirteen, fourteen in October, so he's almost four years younger than me. We're like best friends, but we can argue a lot, especially nowadays. And no, my brother's a head taller than me and a lot mroe muscular and stronger than me now. Lord, he's grown. So he can totally handle himself. My parents aren't nearly as strict with Ken as with me, and it's irritating. He's four years younger than me and he already gets more independence! But when he needs convincing it's me that does it. rolleyes

@berry: You sound like a much freer seventeen-year-old to me. *envies you a little* I'm not asking for complete freedom. I'm not asking for myself to become compleetly unattached from my parents - never listening to their advice, never spending any time with them. I love them. I would never ask for any other parents. But they have their own flaws and they're really starting to irritate me. It's been happening for a couple of years; that rebellious teen period. My parents are the typical overprotective Chinese type. Tbh, they're worse than the average ones. if I remember correctly, berry, your'e white-skinned, right? I may be assuming things, but white-skinned parents tend to be so much more relaxed. Not in all cases, but in a lot I know. And I envied them as a grew up. Some things I gave up on hoping for and accepted it... but these university things - this is my LIFE. My future. And I don't want what my parents want at all. And what's this about a girl? *nudges you gently* Spill. Or rather, rant, if you want. I don't want to force you, lol.  

[Tokioka]

@berry: Yeh, berry, what she said. cool *hint, hint*

@Chibbo: You won't stay the same forever. Time and experience will definitely change your personality, hopefully for the better. Then you won't need me or niph to rant to any more. ;]

Take me for example. I think when I was 18 or so, I used to stress a lot more than these days. There was a lot of self-loathing and general emo-ness going on, but in just 2 years my whole outlook on life has changed. If I could speak to my younger self, I'd slap him and say, "What the hell are you doing, man? You're not just ruining your own life, but you're making it a living hell for those who care about you. It's time to grow up and stop feeling sorry for yourself."
Cos in the end, we all got s**t to get through, and it's never as bad as we make it out to be. In comparison with some people, we're pretty lucky. surprised

You're not the only one who's a people pleaser - you're talking to one. xD
Alright, you're reading his message but woteva. rolleyes
I completely understand where you're coming from with the whole giving to friends and perhaps not receiving. Happens all the time. And I agree that you should be trying to toughen up, just a little. For me, what made me toughen up was when I was 'betrayed' by Ryco (my honky friend - he's currently living with me lol) last year. It made me realise that perhaps I shouldn't be so soft on people and let them take advantage of my generosity. Not to say that I've become a complete scrooge or anything, I'm just slightly more withdrawn than before. Call it a self defence mechanism.

Well, technically, the whole world isn't really the same. Take mixed sex college for example. I heard from many friends that it's like a cross between school and uni, like a stepping stone. You get the same sorta freedom like at uni, but also some structure so you're not completely lost. I think college would benefit most people (such as myself), cos it teaches you to learn by yourself, unlike the spoon-feeding methods used at many grammar and private schools. College also helps with social skills, especially for people who have only been in single sex schools their whole lives. I've discussed this with my friends and although we hung out with girls before we left sixth form, once we reached uni we still viewed girls mainly as sex objects. This was probably due to the alienation of the sexes that we'd experienced at school. In short, go to college if you can. I bet it'll be fun. razz

What sorta wedding was this? Chinese? I'd love to eat some chinese wedding food now... instant noodles are starting to get boring after a month. stare
Yeh, I remember that story. Sounds like his sister is a success though. Why don't you ask her bf to introduce you to his friends? xd

No worries, I'll just stare at my phone until it rings... eek ...

lol jks.
I actually don't know how helpful I can be... like if I'm tired when you ring then it'll be like talking to a zombie. -__-''  

[Minielf]

@B&B: Man, I think you've broken the record of the longest rant in ICU history. blaugh rofl

Anyway, I can understand what you're going through right now, and how your parents treat you. Usually the first child in a Chinese family is always placed under the most pressure to perform well and succeed in everything. My mum had similar expectations of me as your parents do. She expected me to get a double degree, and it had to be either Law, Commerce or Medicine. Unfortunately as I entered the final year of high school, I clearly realized I wasn't good enough to get into them. The bitter dissappointment on my mother's face when I failed to get a double degree haunted me for a long time.

She's learned to accept my current circumstances though. She certainly can't fault my choice of university, so perhaps that's the only difference between you and me. I've probably had a tougher time making friends and fitting in. In my primary school and early secondary school years I was constantly bullied and picked on, solely because I was pretty much the only asian in a school full of white kids. Those times emotionally scarred me so much that I became more withdrawn and detached as I moved up the high school years, so that by year 12 I hadn't really formed close attachments to many friends. It was made worse by the fact that throughout high school I was in an all boys' school. Not being around girls at all meant I barely had any experience interacting with them. I have to admit that Gaia had been my savior. I made far more friends online than I ever had in real life.  

[wiim]

@Tokioka: Sure, it's irrelevant to your discussion here. But it's not irrelevant to this topic. I'm just ranting...though it sounds more like sissy whining. Hahaha! biggrin

@berryscary1: Yes and no. There's potential for "a ton of fun" if that's your goal. I'm working here so I can't have fun all the time.

@Chibito7: Uh, OK. I'm lost.

Chibito7

Wow. You really are a caring uncle. The things I'm missing out on. I envy Tosh so much ninja

 

[Chibito7]

@wiim: ... *sigh* Do I need to explain sarcasm to you as well? stare

(@Tosh if she's peeking in on this: I think you need to pick a more intelligent uncle. He can't even recognise when I'm being sarcastic, or differentiate between genders. *shakes head mournfully*)

@Mini: Yay! xd Haha, I can talk a lot. It's in my nature. But usually it's a load of crap, what I say. I've found now, rather than being quiet with strangers my age, if I'm alone with them I can't STOP talking. sweatdrop I just can't stand the silence and keep rambling about stuff so they can't get a word in edge ways, lol.

Yeah, that's basically my life too. The disappointment... I don't think it haunted me. Well, I never noticed it. It was more like a scar that I could always feel rather than see, and spurred me to become someone else without my realisation. I guess it broke and scarred me simultaneously. I really am a ******** up child, I'll grant myself that. But above it all, I'm also a very normal kid.

I'm sorry to hear about your high school and social peers. I've been lucky in that I have always managed to have a close friend in high school, though not always reliable. At least they gave me some laughs and kept me happy most of the time. I still know how to interact with boys from my primary years, though not on a great level. I was always better friends with boys, so in a way, I prefer it. Gaia didn't save me in this sense, but it did mean I met Toki, and believe it or not, talking to him helped me for a while in my life when I really thought life was at its shittiest level. Plus, Gaia has given me so many funny, interesting friends, who've made me laugh and laugh. I never have had such a close-knit Chinese group of friends.

@Toki: I am changing. But maybe I can't tell. I can when I look back though. I don't know if you've noted any difference, but I am different from that girl you used to talk to two or three years ago. How I'm different it's hard to pinpoint, but I am definitely different. I'm a lot more heartless sometimes. I just demand myself to become even more heartless, lol. xd And yes, I remember that part of you. That old Toki is sitting with my old Viv and sharing emo stories. wink

Oh yes. Ryco. stare (I have this terrible need to come round to yours and hit him, but I know you will disapprove, so I shan't.) That a*****e seemed to do you a favour too though. I am anticipating the day that hits me too, but I think in a way it already has in the form of my current classmates. rolleyes I'm definitely not as soft on people as before, but since it's ingrained in my personality, I do slip into it a lot and naturally want to help. It's like I can't stop myself. But yes - defence mechanism - I have one of those now, sadly enough. I'm much more heartless, like I said. I'm certainly not a scrooge - perhaps I'll never be - but I am definitely not as nice as I used to be. I swear a lot more and this time AT people in my head. I often say to Izy or Ting, Sod them, or I just want them to ******** off. *shrug* If I was still so saintly I'd still be thinking everyone's a nice person and living a happy life with no complaints. xd

Well, call me an idiot, but now really is a bad time to change schools. I've steeled myself for one more year - surviving on MGS boys (a neighbourly boys' school - Ken's, in fact) every Friday at choir (*sigh* Ooh, Theo... it'll be awkward and yet... Bah - Niph'll know what I'm talking about anyway). I thrive off my friends and MGS friends and I'm happy in those terms, so I don't want to change that. That and I'm sure I am still a coward, lol. But yeah, wait for university and bloody hell, am I running like heck outta here. xd And yes, I have noticed that MGS boys are very OMG THERE'S A GIRL, THERE'S SEX STANDING RIGHT THERE. stare Ugh. Concurrently, it's MGS boys I prefer sometimes because they get the whole private, sheltered life thing. Bleh.

Chinese wedding, duh. xp Well, my cousin's younger brother does to Edinburgh and does medicine, so he ain't no failure, and his sister isn't bad academically. rolleyes And her bf and I always eye each other like, I know you but I don't. He's the half-brother of an ex-classmate and the illegitimate son of the head of a restaurant we have to go to often, so I see him a lot randomly. Meh. I don't think I care much for him.

I don't plan on wanting you to be helpful. You'll just be entertaining to chat with. xd Not that I don't think that you're helpful, which you are. I don't expect you to be helpful all the time though. As someone who's given her life for other people, I know how that feels to be expected of 24/7... And yes, I've talked to you when you're a zombie. I think I can handle it. =P  

[mymiridon]

@chibi: I don't think you should be heartless. maybe distance yourself a little to collect yourself and start again. once you've pulled yourself together friends will come to you. (I can't make friends myself for the life of me. But when I stop putting myself out there, they seem to come to me... I still don't know how I got half of my friends.) As far as your parents go, I think you've made it too easy for them, therefore they demand more. Since you've been "suppressed" for so long it's okay to let it all out. Better to let out all your grievances to your parents now before you explode in a homicidal rage. It's okay if you fight, they're your parents. What are they going to do? Disown you? If you they do you can get yourself a good lawyer, sue them for all they've got and start living on your own. They'll have to understand you're not their puppet. As far as your brother goes, well I don't know for sure, but with his indecisiveness forget about "convincing" him or "mushing" him up. Just assert your authority. I taught my brother long ago that if he wants to pick a fight with me, I'll make him eat dirt. And even though he's acting up recently I make sure that he knows that I can still make him eat dirt and cry mommy like a little girl. He's only fourteen, you can still take him down even with out getting physical. And if your dad does the whole "you're disobedient" crap, just ignore him. My parents pulled this on me years ago and it messed me up too, but in the end I just felt like separating myself from them and that distance between us has made them understand that I can do just fine on my own. You've got a good head on your shoulders, or so you sound, so use it. Don't depend so much on friends or family. You came into this world by yourself, (we're not going to get technical here with doctors and nurses and such.) so you should learn how to get by on your own too. Create your own opportunities and forget about everyone else. You're not their mother, it's not your job to please them. Let's start with doing things you want to do first.

And the whole conclusions is:

Stop being so passive! I know you've got some fire in you! Let it out once in a while!!

@wiim: Take me with you!! I want to go to Japan so much, well Japan, England, France and China etc etc. XDD