ZILLIONS OF YEARS AGO, before the invention of ham, dinosaurs roamed the Earth-planet Terra Prime, back when the world was even more savage and cruel and everyone got eaten on a regular basis. EXCEPT for the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex, who was the biological equivalent of a battletank covered in Harleys which also were covered with guns. Badass to a degree rarely seen except the occasional shark attack. This was a creature so kickass that it could cause its prey to literally debone themselves by crapping out their skeletons in terror just to save the T-Rex the trouble of having to digest femurs.
Flash forward millions of years to your dinner table. The kids are running around screaming like idiots, your auntie is fussing over the stuffing but no one cares because there's not enough silverware and WHO was in charge of bringing dessert? and your fat uncle Randy is on his fourth whiskey sour watching the football game while making a dangerously racist comment about wide receivers. Meanwhile, on the table is a turkey...THE DESCENDANT OF THE MIGHTY TYRANNOSAURUS*. A plump, delicious, dumb creature that's hardly even a shadow of its mind-blowingly awesome ancestors, dressed up and served to yourself and your squealing, pitifully mediocre human family, who probably bought it out of the freezer aisle at the supermarket and didn't even hunt and/or kill it themselves...and yet STILL probably made a huge, retarded deal about preparing and cooking the damn thing even though the job of catching, killing, plucking, and beheading the fresh carcass was long done with.
THAT is what the world is, man. Greatness reduced to a joke. So give thanks, appreciate what you have, because in one million years your descendants will be a holiday dinner fixture, and the great bloody circle of life will roll on...
XD I found that to be hilarious.
Reply
