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 Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 7:38 pm
The air smells like metal and blood.
The streets are empty, everyone is inside with the curtains drawn and the radio on, the corrupt government feeding them news of their dying nation.
On so many drugs.
There is a flame-engulfed car in the middle of the street, and no driver at the wheel; and the body of another teenage suicide floats idly by in the overflowing gutter.
A dark wind blows.
"We are trapped in the belly of this horrible machine,
and the machine is bleeding to death."
These things happen;
The light was intense, buildings fell in on themselves.
Screaming mothers crawled through the rubble, clutching their dead children; and pulled out their destroyed hair.
But the sky was gorgeous on fire, everything in a dull orange haze.
The remains of our buildings twisted up into the air like screaming and pleading arms.
I met a girl on that day.
She had the perfect pair of lips.
I pulled her close and whispered in her delicate ear.
You're beautiful, make love to me, for these are truly our last days.
She held me tightly, and we fell to the ground in a fever.
When I woke the next day she was dead, and my mouth was full of blood.
Note
So I yoinked the idea and the flow from the Godspeed You Black Emperor song "the dead flag blues". It's a great song.
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 3:03 am
Zahmen, you have such a way with words. heart
That's all I can say.
heart heart
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 2:11 pm
Like everything else of yours seems to be, this is both fantastic and horribly creepy. 3nodding Good job. Very descriptive.
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 6:30 pm
It is amazing, how the sky can look beautiful in times when everything beneath it is in chaos.
Nice piece.
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 6:31 pm
Voxxxie has a way of stealing what I was gonna say. Jinx, I owe you a soda, Voxxx.
Freaaaaaaky creepy. O.o
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Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 4:02 pm
firstly: w00t! Godspeed You Black Emperor!
secondly: i liked it. ditto what everyone said. you work sink nicely and neatly under my skin only to burst out again.
and, as i always do, here's something i saw: using a semicolon in "dead children; and pulled out their destroyed hair." isn't necessary (and i'm not sure if it's grammatically correct, but s**t on grammar), and might flow better with a comma.
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