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 Posted: Sat Oct 06, 2007 7:42 pm
Lost in Love and Drowning in Lust
The boy smiled and kissed the girl on the lips
Breathing in her life and breathing out his pain
The girl swayed in the wind
Delicate and beautiful
The boy thought her as a flower.
Push the needle in deeper
The boy sits in in a room full of dolls
He sings to song only he can hear
The boy knows that they aren't alive
It doesn't stop their chatter
The boy thought them as a weed.
Press the plunger
The boy drinks from a glass of milk
Its suprisingly fresh
The boy slides out of the diner booth
Fresh milk should never go unnoticed
The boy thought it as a prayer.
Replace the needle with a knife
The boy slams his fists into a bathroom mirror
Spider cracks adorn his face
The boy bleeds into a sink
Mirrors show too much
The boy thought it as an uncalled-for evil.
Trace the river of the arm
The boy is drinking again
Vodka this time
The boy drops the bottle after an hour
Alcohol simmers between his filthy toes
The boy is too drunk to think.
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Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 7:55 am
hm....nicely written, as usual.
is this finished? it doesn't seem finished to me, but then again, maybe that's the effect you were going for.
that being said, i really like this. it seems a bit segmented, though, especially the first stanza--it doesn't go with the others. all the while, it's pretty great.
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Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 10:08 am
They seem disconnected, like in the wrong order. Weird. IF that's what you were going for, nice job. (b^-^)b
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Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 12:30 pm
@ Kirby: Not necessarily in the wrong order, but just loosely connected.
I like it. Is this sort of a continuation off of the story of Judas? I was trying to see if the title was referring to that...
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Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 4:56 pm
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Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 4:27 pm
As BlackHawkGs and Kirbs pointed out already, but as usual great writing and also, I simply adore the first and third line.
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Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 6:25 pm
I lovelovelove the progression of this.
How the things he tries to drown his pain in steadily get worse and worse...awesome.
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