Must I be respectful?

[lawlz im so DEAD]

Okay, so I'm not even sure if my step-dad is either joking or if he's being serious, but in some impromptu moments, he'll have us say grace at the dinner table.

He's not even that religious in the first place (I believe he's actually Lutheran?) and my mom was raised Catholic (she's not all too religious either, but she would like to start going back to church every now and then), and then there leaves me, the atheist of my whole entire family. When he brings up grace, it's sometimes for the fact that he has this organization for a client that is like Christians for Israel or something like that. So he'll have us hold hands and then me saying:

"Can I excuse myself from this?" and then he'll tell me no and just to hold my mom's hand, then have my mom say grace and me not closing my eyes and saying nothing.

There's also my grandparents from my mom and stepdad's side that are religious, not so much for the stepdad's side, but my grandparents on my mom's side...let's just say that my grandpa was planning on becoming a monk or a priest at one point. I have nuns in my family. But I got older, I noticed them not saying grace at the table either. BUT in the case of anything that has to do with religion, how may I politely excuse myself from participation? Or if there's no choice, must I be respectful and do so? I just kind of wonder if they realize I am atheist, or if they think I'm going through some sort of a phase? It's rediculous and I'm not entirely sure of what to do. Sorry if I rambled at some points, it's how I type sometimes.  

[BadLuckNovelist]

When it comes to praying, I just bow my head, shut my eyes, and think about my day. It is the most respectful way I've found of not praying, but not flat out refusing either.

In regards to religious events, I would just tell them I am uncomfortable with participating, and ask if there is something else you could do instead. If questions are asked, just tell them you like to keep religion to yourself, and as such do not like participating in public religious events.  

[Sanguvixen]

It's just a gesture. You don't have to make a scene, you know.

Just go along with it, you don't have to bow your head or even pray.

When ever occasions like this occur(usually in family get-to-gethers around the holidays) I usually just stay quite, and look down, and then I wait for everyone else to finish so that I can dig in.

It does feel uncomfortable but, you don't have to make a big deal out of it.

 

[AnonymouZ]

Awww, how cute... i can't believe i'm the only one that says:

"no thanks, i pass" with a smile on my face.

There's nothing wrong with making a scene either. As long as it doesn't embarrass you or anything. Cuz hey, you've asked, and they still make you, so if they DON'T respect you, why should YOU respect them.

I'd even laugh during the middle of a prayer if they actually want to force me. Then again, it sounds like your family's rich enough. So, you might not have a choice in the matter. I'd suggest being late to the table, or not show up at all. But ... swallowing your atheistic pride and not do nothing while you hold hands with them... sounds like a *cough cough* (gay!) *cough cough* good idea!  

[Koravin]

I have to agree with AnonymouZ's point, excepting the inappropriate use of the word 'gay.' Both my brother and I atheist in a family of Christians. Whenever our parents feel the urge to talk to their God at the table, we just sit and wait for them to finish before eating. We don't hold hands or anything at our house, so not saying grace is as simple as being silent. They don't make a big deal of it, and neither do we.

However, when with their Christian friends from church who are much more into grace, things are different. My parents friends make us all hold hands and sing grace. Yes. Sing grace. My parents get really mad if we don't comply. I end up just sitting there with people holding my hands, while I stare at my food, not singing.

It's been awhile since that's happened, but I think now I would have the strength to refuse. I know it's hard, but it comes down to what you want more, to please your parents, or be true to your belief, or non-belief. If it's not worth the fight, just go along with it. But if it really bothers you, no, you don't have to be polite. They should not force a religion on you. Let them say grace, but you don't have to. I like to be honest. To me, it seems dishonest to participate in any religious activity to a god you don't believe in. I guess what I'm trying to say with this now wall of text, is choose your battles, but don't be afraid. You don't have to do any religious ceremony if you don't want to. I would politely decline, but be firm. Good luck with that. Things really improve once you leave home.  

[Meirelle]

I think it's kind of rude to excuse yourself from the table while other people are praying. When my family prays, I just kind of sit there until they're done. But they know I'm an atheist, so I guess it's different. I mean, I let them do their thing, and I don't interfere, and they let me not bow my head and watch them be silly and reverent. But leaving the table kind of gives off the impression that you're too good for them or something.

Don't get me wrong. I can understand why you want to leave-- holding hands is creepy. I'm so glad my family doesn't do that. In fact, I'm so glad my family says the generic 30-second Catholic "Bless us O Lord and these thy gifts" prayer before dinner. It's quick, easy, and leaves no room for weird hand-holding.

Maybe if you told them you were atheist, it would ease some of the tension.

And I'd definitely bring up the fact that it makes you extremely uncomfortable. That should help.  

[Aaron Lee Morrison]

Avoir Le Retour...

Really, I just sit there. You should respect their beliefs, and their praying, but if they try to FORCE you to pray, (holding hands, bowing head, etc., etc.) I would say something.

...Les Adieux

 

[Dark Pieman]

Does it bother you that much? It makes them happy, and it's not like it's offending your religious beleifs! biggrin  

[Kiyrugoji]

Dark Pieman

Does it bother you that much? It makes them happy, and it's not like it's offending your religious beleifs! biggrin

GET NAKED FOR JESUS.

Seriously, it is. I know that if people attempted to force me to pray to Satan or G.I. Joe or God or thatoneguyonpage415ofthebiblewhodidn'tdomuchofanthingbutwasjustsortathereyaknow, I'd be pissed off.  

[sora987]

I can't really give advice on what to do since I don't lnow your family like you do, but like others have said, I just bow my head and wait till it's over. Don't let it get to you that much,and definitely don't leave. Instead, learn the skill of true daydreaming.  

[fhbnfghnbfgbsnbg]

Well, if their friends are over, you should probably make a show of it or something. Fake it. Otherwise, their friends may become offended and that may turn into your parents anger at you for being rude.
With your parents, it is different. They are your close realitives. The friends are guests.  

[Dark Pieman]

Kiyrugoji

Dark Pieman

Does it bother you that much? It makes them happy, and it's not like it's offending your religious beleifs! biggrin

GET NAKED FOR JESUS.

Seriously, it is. I know that if people attempted to force me to pray to Satan or G.I. Joe or God or thatoneguyonpage415ofthebiblewhodidn'tdomuchofanthingbutwasjustsortathereyaknow, I'd be pissed off.

It's not not a big deal. You're not talking to anyone, so what's the harm? If someone refuses to make their family happy just to make a point and say "look at me, I'm an Atheist!" that's pretty dumb in my opinion.  

[Kiyrugoji]

Dark Pieman

It's not not a big deal. You're not talking to anyone, so what's the harm? If someone refuses to make their family happy just to make a point and say "look at me, I'm an Atheist!" that's pretty dumb in my opinion.

If I was being forced to go through the motions, I sure as hell would be pissed. Maybe it's just about tolerance levels...  

[Xiporah]

I don't bow or close my eyes. I just stay quiet. I'm rarely in that situation though. Usually only at Thanksgiving at my Stepfather's parents place. I mean hell, they all have thier eyes closed. It's not like they'll know.

 

[Fenky]

I just start eating. I don't care because the people who pray to god in my family during dinner are the same people who make fun of my crippled relatives. If you can't be a good christian then don't expect me to be one. And when my teachers try to make the class sing christmas songs or do holiday projects I just sit there and give my teacher the evil eye until time's up. They know what I am and that I hate religion.