Atheists not good enough for friends? Whut?

[Slimy Hats]

So I'm Atheist. Duh. But I'm a pretty good kid. I do most of my schoolwork, only lie to my parents ocassionally, I'm even in Girl Scouts. (Lame, I know)
Let's take a look at my friend. We'll call her Catherine for simplicity's sake. She's my age, she's as smart as I am, and we both love anime, manga, and video games. Hell, she was the one that got me into that kind of stuff. She's actually Christian, but all that means is we get to make lame religion jokes with one another. Well, her mom's Southern Baptist. One of those "oh goodness I love God and Jesus so much they're all I ever talk about or care about and you should die for not loving them" kind of people, y'know?
Her mom found out I was Atheist by Facebook-stalking me. Creepy much? Now she hates me. She had absolutely nothing wrong with Catherine and me being friends before that. We met in Girl Scouts, how terrible a person could I be? But the second she found out I was Atheist, all she ever told Catherine was "I don't want you hanging out with her, she scares me" or "I think she's a bad influence on you. Why doesn't she love God?" and all that crap.
The only reason her opinion on me matters is because it's getting the way with my friendship with Catherine, and it's even starting to hinder my social life, which was just beginning to develop. If all of our friends are getting together to go shopping or something, I'm not allowed to go if Catherine is going. People have stopped inviting me to go to things so that Catherine could go to them, while I'm stuck at home wondering what happened to my friends.
Don't get me wrong, none of my friends are judging me 'cause I'm Atheist. Even Catherine thinks it's stupid that her mom hates me so much. What bothers me is that they're not doing much about it. Now that I'm being judged for being Atheist, I'm suddenly incapable of having friends?

Opinions? What do you think? Has crap like this happened to you?  

[AnonymouZ]

It's in the bible dude. If you're atheist, you're a bad friend cuz you're gonna go to hell and you're just dragging your innocent friends with you.


HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

tough s**t. You live in the bible belt and didn't see this coming? c'mon. Just ignore crazy mom and do as usual.  

[Teoka]

Catherine's mom is full of s**t. It's people like that who prove people in general are ******** up. Makes me worried that my future kids will have to deal with crap like that from their friends' parents or, even worse, parts of their own family x_x

I had a friend whose parents didn't like me a year or two ago. I mean, they HATED me. The reason? I was dating a guy three years older than me. And I was "too emotional." Not only was my love life none of their business, though the guy ended up being a jerk, but my emotional nature partially due to my GAD and Asperger's. But I digress, they didn't let me over to their house or spend time with their daughter if they could help it. They went so far as to forbade her from going to a mutual friend's house because she was my neighbor. We ended up just sneaking behind the crazy mother's back and hanging out. Eventually, the girl and I stopped talking to each other for unrelated reasons (she was saying s**t about me, etc.).

Talk to your friends, especially Catherine, about this. Tell them how you feel about all of this, how isolated this makes you, and how unjust this whole situation is! Catherine should stand up to her mother and at least try to show her how wrong this is. You've always been an atheist, but you and Catherine were great friends and great to each other before her mom found out. By the looks of things, Catherine hasn't changed her religious beliefs just because she spends time with you, and it doesn't look like that would change (although with this bigoted mother of her's, who knows). If worse comes to worse, be sneaky. Meet her separately at a place and hang out, etc.

Hope this helps! heart  

[Slimy Hats]

AnonymouZ

It's in the bible dude. If you're atheist, you're a bad friend cuz you're gonna go to hell and you're just dragging your innocent friends with you.


HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

tough s**t. You live in the bible belt and didn't see this coming? c'mon. Just ignore crazy mom and do as usual.

I would ignore it, but it's kinda hard when you can't even hang out with your best friend (or any of your friends, for that matter) because of this one person.

And is North Carolina in the Bible belt?  

[Slimy Hats]

Teoka

Catherine's mom is full of s**t. It's people like that who prove people in general are ******** up. Makes me worried that my future kids will have to deal with crap like that from their friends' parents or, even worse, parts of their own family x_x

I had a friend whose parents didn't like me a year or two ago. I mean, they HATED me. The reason? I was dating a guy three years older than me. And I was "too emotional." Not only was my love life none of their business, though the guy ended up being a jerk, but my emotional nature partially due to my GAD and Asperger's. But I digress, they didn't let me over to their house or spend time with their daughter if they could help it. They went so far as to forbade her from going to a mutual friend's house because she was my neighbor. We ended up just sneaking behind the crazy mother's back and hanging out. Eventually, the girl and I stopped talking to each other for unrelated reasons (she was saying s**t about me, etc.).

Talk to your friends, especially Catherine, about this. Tell them how you feel about all of this, how isolated this makes you, and how unjust this whole situation is! Catherine should stand up to her mother and at least try to show her how wrong this is. You've always been an atheist, but you and Catherine were great friends and great to each other before her mom found out. By the looks of things, Catherine hasn't changed her religious beliefs just because she spends time with you, and it doesn't look like that would change (although with this bigoted mother of her's, who knows). If worse comes to worse, be sneaky. Meet her separately at a place and hang out, etc.

Hope this helps! heart

Damn, I'm sorry you had to put up with the same kind of crap. I never understood why people insisted on judging people based on menial things like that.

I really want to talk to her about this, but everyone's pretty sensitive when the subject is brought up. She's also spent her whole life getting pushed around by her parents. That is, they're really really strict. She got yelled at for missing a homework assignment. I'm pretty sure if she spoke up to them about something like religion, they'd assume she was some sort of Satan-worshipper and forbid her to ever see any friends again.
I want her to stick up to her parents, but I don't want to make the situation even worse, y'know?  

[Levis Pennae]

I'm not sure this advice would be good in this situation, but if it helps take it.

I would try and talk directly with the parents, in a situation where your friend is not home, or otherwise preoccupied. Try to talk to them about why they 'hate' you, and try to counter any of their reasons with an example of something you did in the past (before they/she found out you were an Atheist). If they start to yell just say you would like to continue this conversation later after they have calmed down. Remember to assert how much their/her daughter's friendship means to you.

You need to talk to them when you know they are not busy and in a very relaxed attitude. Do not give them warning that you are going to do this, catch them off guard. If possible try to do it at their house, or in a place they know very well, this gives them a sense that they are in control. But since you caught them off guard you will already have your general flow a conversation thought out (right?), so you will truly be in control.

I recomend taking a couple of B-Complexes (it's a vitamin) before doing this, it keeps you from getting overly nervous and keeps you calm.  

[Slimy Hats]

Levis Pennae

I'm not sure this advice would be good in this situation, but if it helps take it.

I would try and talk directly with the parents, in a situation where your friend is not home, or otherwise preoccupied. Try to talk to them about why they 'hate' you, and try to counter any of their reasons with an example of something you did in the past (before they/she found out you were an Atheist). If they start to yell just say you would like to continue this conversation later after they have calmed down. Remember to assert how much their/her daughter's friendship means to you.

You need to talk to them when you know they are not busy and in a very relaxed attitude. Do not give them warning that you are going to do this, catch them off guard. If possible try to do it at their house, or in a place they know very well, this gives them a sense that they are in control. But since you caught them off guard you will already have your general flow a conversation thought out (right?), so you will truly be in control.

I recomend taking a couple of B-Complexes (it's a vitamin) before doing this, it keeps you from getting overly nervous and keeps you calm.

Woah, that's very good advice. Thank you!
If I can ever get up the courage to do something like that, I'll definitely try that.

I'm a little worried about bringing it up with them, though. They haven't said anything to me directly, so they might get mad at Catherine for telling me what they've told her.  

[Levis Pennae]

Slimy Hats

Levis Pennae

I'm not sure this advice would be good in this situation, but if it helps take it.

I would try and talk directly with the parents, in a situation where your friend is not home, or otherwise preoccupied. Try to talk to them about why they 'hate' you, and try to counter any of their reasons with an example of something you did in the past (before they/she found out you were an Atheist). If they start to yell just say you would like to continue this conversation later after they have calmed down. Remember to assert how much their/her daughter's friendship means to you.

You need to talk to them when you know they are not busy and in a very relaxed attitude. Do not give them warning that you are going to do this, catch them off guard. If possible try to do it at their house, or in a place they know very well, this gives them a sense that they are in control. But since you caught them off guard you will already have your general flow a conversation thought out (right?), so you will truly be in control.

I recomend taking a couple of B-Complexes (it's a vitamin) before doing this, it keeps you from getting overly nervous and keeps you calm.

Woah, that's very good advice. Thank you!
If I can ever get up the courage to do something like that, I'll definitely try that.

I'm a little worried about bringing it up with them, though. They haven't said anything to me directly, so they might get mad at Catherine for telling me what they've told her.

If you're worried about that just say that you've noticed that something is off, or something similar. Just try to steer the conversation into them/her admitting they dislike you being an atheist. If that fails and they find out your friend told you, then say she told you because she values your friendship (friendship is the key word!!).  

[Kitsune Plume]

Slimy Hats

"I think she's a bad influence on you. Why doesn't she love God?"

Nothing riles me up quite like people making judgments with religion rather than with their own thoughts and reasoning. So, if she liked you then you being Atheist shouldn't have been a problem.

I COMMEND you for getting along with the girl's MOTHER even though she acts like that. That would be a hard thing for me to do, but then again I admit that I'm not so fond of people who shove god and jesus into every other sentence. That may make me a hypocrite to some people (in the respect that judgment based by religion is wrong in my opinion), but it's just the way I am. (Not that I hate the religious, but the evangelical/overly devout are not among my favorite people...)

I'm not sure what you should do. This mother has it lodged in her head that she needs to "do something" about you. So, I'm sure that even if you stopped hanging out with your friend to appease her mother, she would still spread rumors and tell people about you. And if you didn't, then she would actively pursue doing something.

It's a teeter totter. I guess you just have to decide if you're going to let people push off to a side you don't want.

I'm very sorry about you having to be in this situation. You shouldn't have to hide being an atheist but it's the facebook thing that ratted you out.

sweatdrop  

[Arios V]

A lot of us here know this very well, and we know how you feel and it does suck.

I give you credit for still trying to be nice to Catherine's mother even though she hates your guts and that you two still try to be friends despite the differences in personal beliefs.

Unfortunately, this also illustrates a sad, sad fact about our society, that as soon as we find out that someone has a different set of beliefs than what we have, our entire outlook on them changes. One minute we think this person is the best person in the world and we are more than happy to call them our friend, yet the next minute, we hate their guts.

Does finding out something like that make the person in question any different from the one they were the day before you found out? No, it doesn't.  

[Slimy Hats]

Levis Pennae

Slimy Hats

Levis Pennae

I'm not sure this advice would be good in this situation, but if it helps take it.

I would try and talk directly with the parents, in a situation where your friend is not home, or otherwise preoccupied. Try to talk to them about why they 'hate' you, and try to counter any of their reasons with an example of something you did in the past (before they/she found out you were an Atheist). If they start to yell just say you would like to continue this conversation later after they have calmed down. Remember to assert how much their/her daughter's friendship means to you.

You need to talk to them when you know they are not busy and in a very relaxed attitude. Do not give them warning that you are going to do this, catch them off guard. If possible try to do it at their house, or in a place they know very well, this gives them a sense that they are in control. But since you caught them off guard you will already have your general flow a conversation thought out (right?), so you will truly be in control.

I recomend taking a couple of B-Complexes (it's a vitamin) before doing this, it keeps you from getting overly nervous and keeps you calm.

Woah, that's very good advice. Thank you!
If I can ever get up the courage to do something like that, I'll definitely try that.

I'm a little worried about bringing it up with them, though. They haven't said anything to me directly, so they might get mad at Catherine for telling me what they've told her.

If you're worried about that just say that you've noticed that something is off, or something similar. Just try to steer the conversation into them/her admitting they dislike you being an atheist. If that fails and they find out your friend told you, then say she told you because she values your friendship (friendship is the key word!!).

Wow, I'm glad my good internet-atheist friends can make up for my total lack of experience in social skills. sweatdrop
That's a brilliant idea. I hope they can tolerate seeing me one more time so I get a chance to actually try it out.  

[Slimy Hats]

Kitsune Plume

Slimy Hats

"I think she's a bad influence on you. Why doesn't she love God?"

Nothing riles me up quite like people making judgments with religion rather than with their own thoughts and reasoning. So, if she liked you then you being Atheist shouldn't have been a problem.

I COMMEND you for getting along with the girl's MOTHER even though she acts like that. That would be a hard thing for me to do, but then again I admit that I'm not so fond of people who shove god and jesus into every other sentence. That may make me a hypocrite to some people (in the respect that judgment based by religion is wrong in my opinion), but it's just the way I am. (Not that I hate the religious, but the evangelical/overly devout are not among my favorite people...)

I'm not sure what you should do. This mother has it lodged in her head that she needs to "do something" about you. So, I'm sure that even if you stopped hanging out with your friend to appease her mother, she would still spread rumors and tell people about you. And if you didn't, then she would actively pursue doing something.

It's a teeter totter. I guess you just have to decide if you're going to let people push off to a side you don't want.

I'm very sorry about you having to be in this situation. You shouldn't have to hide being an atheist but it's the facebook thing that ratted you out.

sweatdrop

It is rather sad, isn't it?

Believe me, it's not easy. I've never sucked up to a parent so much in my life. Nay, I've never been that nice to anyone in general, even my friends, and it still never seems to be enough.

Yes, the fact that she sees me as a problem is.... a problem. I know from experience with my own mother that some parents can be very difficult when they think something poses a threat to their child.

Seriously, Facebook, of all things! I was never paranoid about people getting my information on the internet until then. I now have to keep my profile on private because of all of my friend's overprotective parents.  

[Slimy Hats]

Arios V

A lot of us here know this very well, and we know how you feel and it does suck.

I give you credit for still trying to be nice to Catherine's mother even though she hates your guts and that you two still try to be friends despite the differences in personal beliefs.

Unfortunately, this also illustrates a sad, sad fact about our society, that as soon as we find out that someone has a different set of beliefs than what we have, our entire outlook on them changes. One minute we think this person is the best person in the world and we are more than happy to call them our friend, yet the next minute, we hate their guts.

Does finding out something like that make the person in question any different from the one they were the day before you found out? No, it doesn't.

It is rather sad, isn't it? She says I'm a bad influence on Catherine, but that doesn't even make sense. The two of us have known eachother since we were in second grade, how could I suddenly become a bad influence on her? Especially since we're essentially the same.

I never understood how people can be so closed-minded about things. It's one of those things that my mind just can't seem to get a grasp on.  

[Sanguvixen]

These kind of situations really make me sad. It's not fair for things to be this way.

Unfortunately this is the kind of irrational behavior that sort of gets in the way of things, on the part of your friend's mother, and also on the part of your friends.

I really think that you and your friends should attempt to reach out to that women, sit her down and have a talk with her, about what atheism really is, and how it doesn't make you a bad person. Maybe you can point out calmly that that she was fine with you before she found out, and that you were not a bad influence then...so there is nothing to make you a bad influence now just because she found out a tid-bit of information. As others suggested, tell her how much her daughter's friendship means to you. Show that you are bigger person...or better one. That might humble the women into rethinking her views.

If talking to her doesn't work you might just have find another group of friends who won't exclude you because one women has a problem with her children being with other children or teens who aren't god believers.  

[CLR3]

Sorry for you being in that situation. I'm glad that I've never went through with that crap (either that most people have been nice to me or didn't really give a s**t). I do agree with everyone else on here that you and your friend should talk to her mother about the situation, how both of you feel about the situation, telling her just because you're an atheist doesn't mean that your a bad influence nor influencing her to become on as well just because she's around you, and attempt to reach an agreement in a mature manner (even though it appears you and your friend are the mature one's about this). Anyways, good luck.