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PandaEnlightenment Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 9:15 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 7:01 pm
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PandaEnlightenment Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 10:41 pm
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Eliot walked out from behind the counter to the man sitting alone at the table. She took off her apron and sat down across from him. "Howdy," she said, smiling. "Open mic tonight, in case you didn't know." She leaned back in her chair. "And if that's not what you're looking for, every day is Critique Swap," she said, pointing to the logo on her apron, crumpled up on the wooden tabletop. She handed him a piece of paper with scrawled words written in pen on both sides. "What do you think? Honestly?" Eliot asked hopefully. "A very rough draft, keep in mind. It seems to me like the beginning is kinda rough, but I don't know how to make it more smooth. And while I'm at it, do you need any help to work out some kinks?"
They walked together everyday, and the two of them watched it all happen- history, weather, the so-called advancements that time brought about. They walked, and occasionally drove, sometimes over mountains, sometimes state borders, but mostly they walked and worked simultaneously. Professional photographers, both of them, and they loved what they did. Wife with her husband, husband with wife, till death do us part, and they were always together.
As they walked down a city street, snapping photo after photo of sewage drains and street lamps and manholes and shiny, seamless factories, one pointed to the smoggy sky and shook her head. “The modern world’s decay is all up there,” she said grimly as her husband took a picture, his face upturned. “Its true, but love, that’s where we are. A gray sky, lots of lung cancer, and no way out.” He bit into an apple and put his camera’s strap over his shoulder. “But there are loads of scientists working on that stuff, still, in labs, right?” “Studying it, really, and how much waste do you think that lab puts into the sky while doing so?” The woman nodded and turned to look at her husband. “Huh. Never thought about that.” “Cold turkey, I say. It’s the best way out.” “Cold turkey? You can’t be serious. You know the world won’t just drop the cars and computers and for god sakes, the mass-production. We’re talking about millions, billions of people.” “Perhaps, but for us, I mean. Cold turkey,” he stated firmly, biting deeply into his apple. She let the matter drop, and they continued to walk, silent but for their footsteps on the concrete. They stopped to sit on a bench after five more city blocks, and to review the day’s pictures. “Today was a good day,” the man said as he watched metallic images flutter past one by one on his camera. “Yes, a good day,” his wife said dismissively, doing the same. “But something troubles me about these pictures.” “And what would that be?” “Not a single shot of vegetation. Not a single one.” She sounded dismayed, anxiety growing with each new image viewed. “Ah. Its true, now that you mention it,” he replied, raising his eyebrows. “I wonder why that is.” The woman narrowed her eyes. “Trees would seem welcoming to pedestrians, to people in general. Something like that, I bet… You know, there used to be a time,” she began, her voice heavy with nostalgia. “Oh, dear, don’t start on the ‘olden days’ nonsense. Its better to focus on now.” He was silenced by her glaring eyes. “There used to be a time,” she continued, “where there was a law that made sure of trees on streets like this. Did you know that they’re good for the environment? Trees, that is. I read in a book, I’m pretty sure, when I was in school, that they take in the poison in the air and give off the good stuff. What’s it called again?” “Oxygen, I think it was.” “Yes, oxygen. That’s the stuff. Isn’t that interesting, though? Like they can breath like us. Like plants are alive, somehow,” she said thoughtfully. “Yes, that is interesting, but I don’t think its possible, dear. Maybe the plants used to be alive,” he said, indulging her the tiniest bit. “But now, we’ve taken the living part and left them like they were stumps.” “Exactly,” he replied after swallowing another chunk of fruit. The wife leaned against her husband and rested her head on his shoulder, looking straight forward with a distant expression. “Wouldn’t it be nice if we had been there when the trees were alive?” “Yes, it would be. It would be amazing really, remarkable.” “Do you think they could speak?” “I don’t know, love, I don’t know, he said as he bent over to kiss the top of her head. With that, they slowly continued down the street, hand in hand, cameras slung over their shoulders, content on staying the same, yet in the cracked sidewalk beside the bench, a raw apple seed lay dormant, and as their backs faded into the concrete, it began to rain.
[[yeah. an extremely rough copy. >< Its about 700 words, which feels too short. I want to add onto it, though. suggestions? -oh, and i just realized that once again Eliot is a waitress. xD ]]
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Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 2:46 pm
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PandaEnlightenment Captain
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Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:00 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 11:13 am
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PandaEnlightenment Captain
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Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 11:23 am
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 11:14 am
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PandaEnlightenment Captain
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 11:20 am
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 11:31 am
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PandaEnlightenment Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 12:53 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 12:41 pm
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PandaEnlightenment Captain
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Posted: Fri Jul 11, 2008 5:32 pm
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Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 4:35 pm
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PandaEnlightenment Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 3:33 pm
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"Very true, but I think Bradbury is referring to the first draft, and once you've done that, go back and edit and think it out. That's also what Garry Disher says as well, in so many words," she replied. "Well, mostly poetry. Fiction is kind of a new thing for me, so what you just read is actually the only one of my stories with an ending. Other than that, I've written two others that don't have endings, or else I don't like the ending. What about you? Can't you show me anything you've written?" Eliot asked, putting her palms together and smiling.
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