Forbidden Love (need opinions)

[Kurisu-s Lil Angel]

Ok You guys so I'm in the middle of writting a romantic comedy story that's all about aiming for your dreams.
I'd like to hear what you guys think about my prologue.
And If you have any cool ideas you'd like to share go ahead, but you don't have to.
Though, I'd really appreciate it if you told me what you think blaugh

Prologue

The shadow before me made a chill creep down my spine as it approaches. My thoughts raced wildly, for I am face to face with the one danger I was forbidden to get near. I knew I should run. I knew I wasn’t allowed to be here, but his eyes had me in a trance. I was powerless to break free. Before I knew it, my neck had gone cold freezing the warmth in my body. Was it just the cold winter snow or was it him? My eyes locked onto his eyes. It was torture. How is it this so-called-demon I’m suppose to be afraid of might be the one I can’t stay away from? As I stared into his stunning dark green emerald eyes, I’ve come to realize the cold numbing feeling on my neck was his hand. My breath went short as his face moved in closer to mine. Our breaths mixed, and I could feel mine being sucked away by his lips.

At that moment, I had awoken with a shock. I’ve come to realized it was only a dream. My name is Shiya Stevens, and I am a writer. I am only fifteen-years-old, yet the teenage mind is where creativity and imagination blossoms. For months, I’ve been working on a romantic love novel, but I’ve not yet been able to fill in the blanks. I’ve never actually fallen in love, therefore I have no idea how it feels. I can only imagine. My mind seems to live in fantasy. It’s a fantasy I believe may never become real. In my life, all is as ordinary as ordinary can get. Though, my dreams tell me different. These dreams seem to be giving a different message then just helping me with my story. I believe it may be a vision to another world unknown. Maybe, these dreams aren’t visions of a world unknown, but they are visions of what the future has in stored for me. Futures filled with adventure and hopefully… love.  

[Shoji Ookami]

ya first reply and vote.. GO ME xD
sorry hyper.
nice prologue o.o  

[Kurisu-s Lil Angel]

Thanks shoji biggrin
I'm not too far and it's probably gonna take years too finish cuz it's like a book so yeah blaugh
i'm glad you like the prologue, the story's basically about Shiya Stevens who's a writter but you know her dreams aren't approved by her mom and later you know she meets this amazing guy who well guess if you interested in knowing the story just ask me lol i'll tell you it's a bit long... sorta.
Basically like I said it's a romantic love story and she struggles to reach her dreams and find true love.
In the story she also writes part of her story, if you read she is a writter.
So I'm hoping the story will turn out good.  

[Darkness Lin]

Its very good i like it cant wait to read more if you post it up hee  

[imoru]

Very nice, i think it should do really well once you get your mind set. ^^ and yeah it is hard sometimes to actually decide what needs to be done and how to get the plot rolling  

[RatRattyRatRatterson]

Great job, im bad with suggestions but wonderful. : D  

[Kurisu-s Lil Angel]

thanks!
^-^ and i have gotten more to the story already it's pretty good to people who ask to read it. 3nodding  

[forever_her_guardianangel]

heee i love it baby you really did use my last name ....mwah keep up the good work umm one thing thoufg a lil more detail in the small sentanses but not to much lol  

[kingdomheartswiz]

very nice i am also making a book here is the prolouge (and first chapter) what you think?

prologue

Never has she seen anything like this before. a dead, human? "i thought that humans were fake" said mary startled, "well" said Mary's mother trying to keep her surprise down as not to startle her daughter, "i guess they are."

chapter one the first beginning

In the middle of nowhere there was a burst of light. Something exploded but what was it. Blinding light filled everything, everywhere where nothing once was. A black abyss renewed into something much greater something that we now call, earth.
Before we came along there were other things that lived here. Some say dinosaurs or cavemen were first and some even say we just became. Some believe in a faith as in god or budda. However these are all irrelevant,

in reality there was not one creater but there were first a colony, group, if you will, and how we create imaginary things in are minds like unicorns and elf's or orcs there was a time when other things lets call them, Doques (for lack of a better name) imagined us.

We were their super heroes and their vampires we were imagined before we were created by these doques and we will create are super heroes we will create are imagination but that will come in do time first we need to look at the past. What really happened well, let me take you back.  

[kingdomheartswiz]

i have more too i'm up too chapter 4 now i have writers block

Chapter 2 what are doques

Now these doques were not alien nor animalistic however they were far from humanoid. There is no proof of these doques. However if you want an answer, if you are searching for a reason, and haven't found it yet i have it for you. I will start by telling you that they obviously didn't speak English however they did speak and i would like to tell you the story of the doque child that found the first human. So if you may, please listen to my tale.

chapter 3 the tale of Mary

As Mary doodled on the leaf in front of her she felt an urge to do something drastic she felt that if she drew in her own blood then maybe she could draw better she carefully poked the tip of her index finger and began to draw an insect we now call a butterfly. "Wow this is very pretty." she said to herself, and walked off to tell her mother. But when she put the leaf down it transformed and turned into the butterfly that she drew. She passed out in fear as I'm sure we all would. Her mother came running in to see what was wrong. She saw the strange creature fluttering around. "What is that?" She proclaimed as she gave her daughter a hand up, "I drew it." stated Mary, "And it just came to life" her mother said, "ha, prove it" so mary drew a long harry version of the creature she had made come to life, but this time without wings, in her blood. Her mother stopped her and asked her to heal her wound but she refused and keep drawing.
when she was done she lay the leaf down on the stump for her mother to see and it came to life Just like before. her mother gasped and said that Mary's power was very strange and that she should only use it in an emergence. Mary then stated the obvious and said that she could create new forms of life she could draw herself a mate or even a new creature she was already thinking of. Her mother told her to sleep witch she tried, but did not succeed. So she got up and picked another leaf. "One more can't hurt" she said, so she drew the new creature with an upper body and four separate branches and hands and feet with 5 toes and fingers each with 3 sections. she drew a head matching her own but with less pointy ears and a symmetrical head the creature she created, was a human. she put the leaf down and waited for it to turn alive. it did not.
she woke up in a daze thinking why she had such an odd dream. or was it a dream she asked herself. she went out to ask her mother if she could make things out of her blood but decided not to and told her about the new creature she drew in her dream instead. She said that they varied just like doques and that they could walk and talk and everything. Her mother laughed and said she had a very creative mind and said she should go search for food so she did she walked in the woods aimlessly until she saw something, she's only seen this once before in a dream, a dead, human? "i thought that humans were fake i just made them up i didn't think that" said mary startled, "well" said Mary's mother trying to keep her surprise down as not to startle her daughter, "i guess they are." mary looked at her mother as if she were going insane (which she was along with mary) She just shut down she didn't know what to do how could she keep such a large secret. she couldn't she had to tell all the other doques. So she did she told ever doque that if they wrote on a leaf in their own blood that they could create things that were wonderful brilliantly things. and they believed her for once this seemed easy she could actually talk without being told otherwise. She knew something and now everyone believed her. So they all tried it they all made beautiful things but some created, other things

chapter 4 the bad creations

some doques made darker things like cancer atoms and dinosaurs they created viruses and disieses and they made ideas that would make everyone stop remembering the doques and they succeeded also in making these creations the magical blood of doques. does not always create the drawing in that exact moment, sometimes, it can take centuries. and sometimes you may find that your creation is nothing like what you intended it to be.

not done yet but i'm getting their very slowly  

[Kurisu-s Lil Angel]

Thank ^-^

and wow.. i like it, that's an interesting way to think of it... lol hhumans evolved and created from a leaf, but yeah i like that lol it really gives a new perspective on things lol. and oki can't wait to read what you get more...
it sorta helps if you sorta get the plotline of your story i guess.... lol donno it helps me, i'm almost done with my chp. 1 but see my chapters are sorta long, i'm making it like a real book @_@
maybe i'll post half of it on here for you guys to read ^-^

but yeah keep up the good work khw (i hope that was ur name O_O ...i still learning lol.. sorry if i got it wrong sweatdrop ))  

[kingdomheartswiz]

nope khw is the one i like ^_^ yay you deserve a cookie (gives you another cookie) here you go

"gives hug because he forgot too earlier"

ty for advice sweatdrop lol i have no idea what to wright next oh well i'll come up with something actually it's not that i don't know it's more i can't decide there are fifty differnt ways to go with this and they are all the main story of the book (story i mean) so yeah keeps me up at night lol

np on compliment and woot you obtained the awesome award lol gratz  

[Kurisu-s Lil Angel]

kingdomheartswiz

nope khw is the one i like ^_^ yay you deserve a cookie (gives you another cookie) here you go

"gives hug because he forgot too earlier"

ty for advice sweatdrop lol i have no idea what to wright next oh well i'll come up with something actually it's not that i don't know it's more i can't decide there are fifty differnt ways to go with this and they are all the main story of the book (story i mean) so yeah keeps me up at night lol

np on compliment and woot you obtained the awesome award lol gratz

yay! i remember you name lol 4laugh
no but seriously u do got something there, i haven't heard an idea like that yet, and alot of people i know write stories and i've read as much as i could anyways lol i not the fastest reader, though i give advice when needed ^-^
oooo but chris should so read it, lol i bet he'll read it under maybe .... um.. 20 seconds? cuz mine was long and took 3 hours straight for my other friends to read it and he finished in 5 ish minutes, but he'll tell you whether it's good or not and he'll give good advice 3nodding
in fact he helping me with mine  

[kingdomheartswiz]

yeah i'm a fast reader too  

[forever_her_guardianangel]

heee my baby is talented and well yeah i do read fast yall never guess who the story is about...lol and yeah ill go look at your and give you advise too