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Ummm... this isn't much of a story (no offense). Let me explain. First of all, it is extremely short, a few sentences at most, and secondly, if you want to write a story, however short, always, ALWAYS use proper grammar. I put an emphasis on the always because a story without proper grammar is no story at all, especially when you can hardly tell when a sentence ends and another starts. Now, onto the good parts. You could make this a really good mystery/thriller if you add so many details that it makes you sick, so you can clearly paint a picture in the reader's mind. Even though this is a very short story, it could be good but you just leave too many loose strings. What did she look like? What did the boy look like? Where was her friend? What actions were taken after people noticed she had gone missing? Where was her body? What did the room look like? See, the list goes on and on, the major things you could fix are the grammar and tieing up loose ends. Other than that, this could have some potential.

super short >.<

that was more of a sentence on a scary forwaRD text no offence but
it wasnt that good but im sure youll get much better sweatdrop

u rushed it

I HAVE A SHOETER STORIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! >_<


ONCE apon a time...bobstolemycookie theend!!!!

RANDOMNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
POOF!(dissapears)