D&D Tales

[ChainsawDooM]

I don't know exactly when I'll start writing my adventures in D&D-land... but I've been planning on it for a while. I guess if I actually have a section to put it in, it might inspire me to start doing it.  

[ChainsawDooM]

So... today we're going to play D&D again. We play it on Tuesdays. Today might really suck, it all depends on how our DM plays it out.

We're going to Thay today. For those of you who don't know, think of Thay as a country that it's totally evil, and loves slavery. Not only that, but it is also ruled by super powerful wizards with personalities like Hitler, Stalin, Saddam Hussein, The Dark Lord Sauron, Cruella DeVille, etc.

If that weren't bad enough, our frickin' party is made up of a hermaphroditic troll, a male mindflayer, a female human rogue, the D&D equivalent of a Saiyan warrior, a female drow vampire, a half-elf half-dragon sorcerer-pale master, and a four-armed mantis-man (which would be me). In other words we're a party of super-freaks... going into super-paranoia evil Hitler land.

Like I said before, it could really suck if the DM wants it to suck.  

[LittleTnCo]

Ew; well I for one am very excited for you. I can hardly wait till it's ready.  

[ChainsawDooM]

I also forgot the Half-elf half-succubus cleric/favored soul/void disciple. She's our healer.

Anyway, I figure, before I start with the story and what's happened so far, I should do a little thing introducing the characters. I'll put that up in the first post, and give a little description of each one, and who is still alive and whatnot.  

[LittleTnCo]

Thanks Chain. *Strums guitar while waiting*  

[Hazumu-san]

Well how is it going Chain? Did you make it out of Thay yet. Did you know that They is now completely ruled by Ssas Tam? (year 1474) and that most of the country is run by the undead?  

[ChainsawDooM]

Yeah... uh...
...
Thay's a long story...

And it's a good long story... so I can't shorten it. But you won't expect the ending, I can guarantee that.  

[ChainsawDooM]

Alright... since everybody is so interested... I should probably start doing this stuff.

I'll start out with the characters.

This is gonna take me a bit... but it'll be finished soon.

Crosus von Murderheim - Played by Me
Crosus is a dwarf. He is mostly a fighter-type character. He dual wields two morningstars and wears fullplate armor. He later goes from being a fighter to a custom prestige class I built called Dwarven Morning Rager. It is largely based off a prestige class called the Dwarven Battle Rager, who are basically Dwarven Berserkers.

His father, Wulfgang von Murderheim, left him and his mother when he was around 7 years old. Wulfgang was a member of a mercenary band, but by chance he had found a magical item that was very powerful, but happened to also be very cursed. It began to make him evil, which was when he left, and eventually it turned him into a vampire. Around 3 years after Wulfgang left, he had a b*****d child named Corsus, who he sent back home to be raised by his wife. Corsus and Crosus bonded, and the half-brothers were pretty close. Somewhere along the line, They learned the truth of why their father abandoned them. Their mother had gotten sick over the years, and on her deathbed made them swear an oath on their dwarven honor that they would free their father from his curse (in other words, find him and kill him). No sane dwarf would ever want to live a life of undeath, and it was only the curse that had turned their father. Crosus and Corsus set out at ages 75 and 72 (respectively). On their way, they had most of their supplies stolen by a female human rogue (just a random NPC, nobody he'd ever meet again). After this, they decided to split up and get together with other adventurers to get more equipment and try and find signs of their father's whereabouts.

An interesting fact that I found out later is that there was a city, the greatest dwarven city of all time that was lost in a battle with the Drow, flooded and lost (better it be lost than let the Drow have it...). It was called Krosus. So now I know what my dwarf was named after. That was an interesting coincidence, really... I didn't know about that before I named him.

Crosus's alignment is chaotic neutral.

Aria "Ciel" - Played by James
Ciel is a Human Rogue/Scout/Fighter/Shadowdancer. She mostly does rougish things... She also lies a lot. In fact, to this point in time, our characters still don't know almost anything about her history... not even her real name, in fact. Her real name is Aria, but we still think it is Ciel.

From what I remember of her backstory, Ciel is actually her mother's name. She did something that broke the law in the Sword Coast. If I had to try and remember, I think she stole something from three clerics of Heironeous. As punishment, she was forced to pretty much be their slave for a while. Well... They either tried to rape her or did rape her, so she killed them and ran away. She's still wanted in the Sword Coast for the murder of those three clerics.

Ciel's alignment is chaotic neutral.

Gaston - Played by Alex
Gaston is a troll. A cleric put a curse on his mother while she was pregnant with him. As a result, he was cursed to be very untroll-like. He's only 8 feet tall, chaotic neutral instead of chaotic evil, and he is also a sterile hermaphrodite, although his personality is more like a male (mainly because trolls don't really have a male/female personality difference...).

His parents left him in his cave because... well... he was pretty much useless to them. He was a midget of a troll, about half the size he should have been and he was sterile. Everything they thought to leave him was in his cave, and he self-taught himself from pictograms they left on the cave walls. Gaston is slow-witted, but inquisitive and eager to learn. He also happens to be ridiculously strong. We worked it out. By level twenty hell have a strength of around 65, or a 27 strength modifier. That's higher than every single D&D god we know of. AND that's without a single magic item to boost strength.

Once again, Gaston's alignment is chaotic neutral.

Pedro - Played by Brodie
Pedro is a half-elf sorcerer. He is smart, charismatic, and very arrogant and condescending towards other types of casters, especially wizards. Hey, he could just cast spells with out work because he's just that good. Wizards had to work for it.

Pedro is an orphan. His parents left him because, when he was a baby, he randomly cast a fireball at level 20 power and burned down their house. They didn't really know how to care for a sorcerer baby... so they gave him to an orphanage.

Pedro is currently going down a prestige class that mixes sorcerer with dragon disciple and pale master. In other words, he's going to become a half-dragon, half half-elf sorcerer with the traits and immunities of an undead character and the ability to control undead with his charm, all while not being undead.

Pedro's alignment is chaotic neutral.

Esteban Specs (Formerly Taco) - NPC
Esteban is Pedro's donkey. However, we also found out fairly early that Esteban is not a normal donkey. In fact, he probably has the power to kill us all. See, Esteban also happens to be a GOD. See, She's not only a god, but she is the void. I can't really explain what that means, because the void is both nothing and everything. Everything is, has been, or will be in the void, and yet nothing in the void really exists.

Apparently this void god likes to take the image of a startlingly beautiful and startlingly nude woman when she takes a humanoid form. Her true form apparently gives people who look at her brain aneurysms from fear, as two of us unfortunately found out.

Esteban is true neutral. What the DM makes him do is decided purely by a roll of the percentage dice. Judging by whether it's below or above 50, she either likes what happened or dislikes what happened. Then the DM rolls again, from 0 to 100 to determine how happy or unhappy Esteban is.

Esteban (because I can't recall her real name) is one of the only gods who is currently not at war with Tanaris.

Shane - Played by Matt

Arcturius - Played by Jared

Malevolous - NPC

Lialiam - Played by Matt

Kit'chka, g'tok-hoz G'tok Quan'dre - Played by Me
His name translates to "Slayer of the Vile Ones, clutch leader of the Clutch that was Brought Death."
Kit'chka is a Thri-kreen, a member of a race of monstrous humanoids who look like four-armed, two legged, giant mantis men.

Donnovan - Played by Caroline

Tones - Played by David

Brazier the Foresaker - NPC

Judge Joseph Dredd: Knight Protector of Thay - Played by David

Tanaris - NPC  

[LittleTnCo]

So far; so good. What is it with those names that were crossed out?  

[ChainsawDooM]

They're dead.  

[LittleTnCo]

OMG!! Hope they didn't suffer much. Unless of course; it's the character we are talking about. In that case; yay, give 'em hell.  

[ChainsawDooM]

Their characters are dead.

... Shane was killed slowly by spider poison. Tones had his soul magically trapped in an orb... which was then destroyed by an antimagic field... so he's in what ever afterlife he deserved. Crosus kinda suffered. Arcturius had his leg melted off by a lava ball... then his throat ripped out by a vampire. Judge Dread was dead instantly... and it was my fault... and it was hilarious... and his character needed to die.  

[Hazumu-san]

I must say that they are some of the more imaginative endings I have seen. smile  

[ChainsawDooM]

So... umm... my character, Kit'chka, might be able to shoot up to 10 miles awaywith his 3 crossbows, now... and he shoots 24 times a round. Yeah, that's right, he shoots 240 bolts a minute. Up to 10 miles (16 kilometers) away.

Oh, and he can move at 115 mph (185 kph).
... yeah... I'll break that one down for you.
A lot of it has to do with how our DM does jump check results. The way he does it makes my character broken. Anyway, he's got an ability to jump as a swift action, meaning he can do it once at the beginning of his turn in addition to whatever other crap he might do. This is long jump is 500 (152.4 meters) feet with a one-time skill trick. Then, he can run 60 (18.3 meters) feet. Then, he can jump again for 450 (137.2 meters) feet. Total is 1010 feet (307.8 meters). Rounds take six seconds, so when you do the math, that comes out to be approx. 115 mph (185 kph)  

[LittleTnCo]

Sounds like some major kick a** moves. Now, when are we going to see these events unfold? I'm getting over anxious.